It's been a busy 2 weeks because I had a trial last Monday and with the visit and stay over by a group of people, it has been an extra busy schedule. If you think I am still sick, think twice because if I am, I wouldn't be able to cope so well with all these....
During the visit of a group of people, I was going around with them for a few hours and I was told over that one day of what I have done in my past. 1. Someone told me her cell member told them a testimony involving me which from then until now, it has encouraged her of not afraid of being different then others who is non Christian. To keep her to stay strong and never give up on making a difference. It's probably just a word I hv said, but it has brought impact to her, later to her husband and children...
2. I have during my time in Faith Christian Centre, had trained a few badges of cell leaders and one of them told me what I have told her had so much impact on her until today. It has kept her moving and going, wherever she goes, wherever she serves.
After hearing them both, I ponder over these for a week. I didn't feel extremely happy or sad over these. Instead, I wonder how many things I have said and done that has hurt and destroyed others? I have heard good things from others because it is easier to share with me when thing is good. But what about bad things?
Yes, I have done a lot. If I start counting, there's a few who is priest today was my cell member once. There's a huge numbers of people who is in full time used to be my cell members too.... There's many who know how to play guitar, lead cell group, became priest and full time workers because of me too! But how many did I not know that I have hurt and destroyed at the same time?
2 years ago, how many has been discouraged by my break down? How many were discouraged and gave up on Jesus because of my retrieve and gave up upon CCL? I never get the chance to explain what and why and how it ended up that I gave up CCL. People generally thought I was upset over a few persons and all. To the end, those people were part of the disappointment....too! To a point, I didn't bother to even explain, to gain them back because to me, it is better not to have discouragement in my life than having them to destroy me.
I met a few CCL people last Sunday. How much do they want me back? I will say, they don't at all. Besides being shock seeing me still alive in church, they didn't even send their greetings. Only God knows who is saying what to them. I don't want to bother.
Interestingly, I met someone who returned from Australia and she asked if I am alright. She said she heard someone said I was depressed and sometimes from my fb she saw that I was upset about certain things. Come on.... Am I not a normal human being whom I will voice my frustration?
In the area of glorifying God, i wonder if it is easier to glorifying God or not glorifying God. I wish and hope I can continue to focus on God then people arounds me. Who cares what they think and how they look at me as... I am accountable for God alone!!!
- glorifying God II -
