Justice?

As a lawyer for many years now and I sometimes wonder what justice is.  People love to take justice in their own hand.  I guess that's why we have Court to see who has the greatest power to determine and decide a decision that what we all call - justice.  Surprisingly, there's this criminal case recently made the headline of the news in the courts arena.  Not because the judge made a decision which's so rightfully just.  But, he had made a ridiculous decision without following or base on the law in this country.  It's a statutory rape (i.e. committing rape on a girl below certain age).  But the judge was asking if there's any 'consent' on the act.  It's ridiculous because the Penal Code is clear that consent shouldn't be an issue if the rape is statutory.  You may want to call that justice to the accused.  But it's definitely not justice for the girl or her family.
We all, as the anglican member for the Diocese of Sabah.  At least, I am the 5th generation, where my great great grandfather was one of the founder of the anglican member.  As a lawyer, I am very into the constitution of the Anglican province, etc. etc. even though I am might not voice out be out spoken or outstanding, or active in the church, but.... i definitely is a truly Anglican.
When the Bishop was being criticized, my heart feels so painful just like a sword pierce into it. I don't agree with some of the thing he decided to do or had done, including rejected me again and again from going on missions or going full time.  But hearing a God's people who keep saying they want justice to prevail, i wonder, where should the 'balance' of justice strike.  Can we even balance it? Can you tell the world he has not done anything good for the Diocese of Sabah? Can you say he is mistaken-less? I think we are all human.  We disappoint some people, we 'scarifies' them  for a works that God wants us to do.  And now, we are being accused, and being brought to the Court of law? Is this fair? Is this justice?
For those who only looks at the money you have 'invested' into and yet thinking that your money is in vain.... you will have to look around..... look around the world.  Look around the city of KK and start wonder which part of KK has not advanced and their building be renovated and being painted?  Do you like to stay at the condominium where the management has not taken step to beautify the building? I am sure the bishop and his children will not stay at the current bishop house for long... they are getting married, moving out and the bishop is going to retired.  So, what's wrong with renovating the place they are staying now?  If St.Patrick's church refuse to change and build the House of Prayer, do you think we can have enough space to celebrate 95 years anniversary today? I grew up in St.Patrick.  I was living in one of the staff quarter next to the church. I climb the big tree that they had taken down. Did anyone disagree with the primary school being taken down and move up to where it is now? I didn't study in that school, but I grew up there. It's my play ground.  1/3 of my life were spent there. Did I refuse and disapprove any of the project and improvement? Did my parents did or whoever that's did? We all didn't because we want to see a better future.  Many came to back including those Australian who were serving in Tawau together with my dad and mom for the 95 anniversary.  Many came over to visit my dad.  All I heard was ... how much sacrifices my dad did to help the poor and needy to come to know Christ.  How much he has made differences to make the church grow.  From the English congregation, because of my dad, Chinese congregation were set up, there after, the BM congregation.  Of course, not only my dad, but also others... some, already passed away.
I am quite please with Archbishop Bolly's letter to the Diocese on the decision made.  But some how, that group people who started all these, think they can do better by continuing their acts further by setting up another meeting and all.  My heart sank when I read that they are going to have a meeting.  May be I should call the police and tell them about illegal gathering? Speaking and discussing on JUSTICE... if setting up your own meeting and goes against Archbishop Bolly's decision is good? Now, are they going to come up with all the bad things Archbishop Bolly did previously and started to goes against his decision?
Archbishop Bolly already said blogger should refrain from putting up more accusations in the blog.  The letter was dated 18th September 2012.  But unfortunately, today, I am still reading it.
Justice shall prevail? It depends on whose angle are u looking at.  It's very unjust for Bishop Albert if this continue now.
Are you seeing any justice taken or given by the blogger?
- Justice? -

Born rich? Born poor?

Ever since I am a boss, since last year... life has been challenging because every month's collection will determine whether I can pay my expenses.  Speaking of expenses, it has been 4x more these days.  Furthermore, I will need to pay for rental, for workers' salaries, etc. etc.  Paying 3 to 4 phone bills, 4 house insurance, house loan, office rental, 3 houses' electricity and water bills, 2 cars, air fares, taxi fares, petrol, and others.  God somehow blessed me so much.  At least there's months where my account nearly came to RM0. But most of the months, it's sufficient and I still have at least RM200 cash.
I walked into court many times, met a few young lawyers who set up their firm on their 1st, or 2nd year of practice and they don't seems like they have the problem I am facing.  They are driving a Merz, a Lexus, a CRV, VW, whatever nice and good car we have in the market.  Their office is nicely renovated, they are wearing branded suits and shoes, carrying a classy leather bag.  All of them looks like a famous and rich lawyer.  I am too a lawyer, who has practice on the 8th year and yet, I struggle every minute and I wonder if there's fairness or justice in this world.  Some lawyer, put on craps all the way ..... and yet, the Court granted them what they ask for.  Innocent people get stuck in the prison and end up paying money to others because of the craps all these lawyers are doing.  The lawyer remain as 'good lawyer' to many because he wins the case, being famous and rich.
It's my life... who need to pay debts/study loan, etc. the moment I graduated.  I don't have a rich dad.  I do not have a dad who is running a business who can back me and my law firm up like others.  I do not have many connection because all my connection are church people, who will 100% not coming to me if they face a problem.  I bought my own car with my saving.  I bought my own house with my own's earning.  And I am still paying debts with no help from parents, from sibling, from friends, from husband.  I can only try harder and harder with my own ability.
For a moment in life, when my ability to think and ability to work was jeopardize by sickness, it really scares the hell lot of me.  I started to think, what happen if one day, I am not dead, but i lost the ability to work at all? Situation will be worse than last year.  No one is going to help me.  Just like last year.  No one is going to pity on me.  What if I am like my dad's condition now where I can't even kill myself? Damn... it scares hell lot of me man. hahaha... It's a fact, no one is going to be around when I face any problem. I need to solve it out myself.  I am not like other who has born rich and can have their family to sustain them financially, emotionally, etc.  But not me.
I can strive harder while I can now. I won't know when I will be paralyzed.
- born rich? born poor? -

A promise!

I told myself that if I manage to took over this firm for a year without any problem financially, I will continue to operate this firm, until the day God directs me to do other thing.  Once again, God has a funny way of arranging things.  I seriously have no idea why God wants me to be a lawyer.  A SPM result that's good enough for me to study STPM.  A STPM result that's good enough for me to read law in the uni. For dunno what reason, because I asked God to give me 3 years in England, He did.  Graduated, He moves me back to Malaysia. Further, He closed all the doors in KL and pushed me back here in Sabah.  For many times, I wanted to settle in Tawau, God somehow tells me KK is the place He wants me to be at.  From the moment I want to gave up my law profession, God somehow let KT passed the whole firm to me.  From a test, now somehow, it has became the pillar of my life.  I seriously have no idea what He wants from me.  A lawyer.  Hmm... He has called so many lawyers.  Why me? Why another lawyer in KK? Most importantly, He has taken every single person including all my friends from me in KK.  Is He trying to make life better or worse for me? I remember telling someone that what they were doing to me, was to destroy me and being used by a devil to destroy me was very wrong.  But that's exactly what devil is capable of.  Using those whom are the closest to you to destroy you.  By God's grace and power vested in me, I took the very cruel step towards them and myself, i.e. to cut off from them, i.e. to cut off from the devil.  And it's amazing because CCL or certain church and priest and christian are included.  Tell me if devil is not capable to using those to destroy us? Of course they are capable.  But to cut ourselves from them to avoid being destroyed by devil? It's a huge lesson and step to be taken.  I hate saying to those I love that they are used by the devil.  But they were and are just too blind to see the 'truth'.  Whether I am having a better relationship with God in this or not, I am sure you have the answer.  It's another level of closeness with God in fighting all these.  Listening to God is the only way out.  To be able to distinguish who is God and who is Devil, which voice is God's and which is not... it's just a breakthrough in my life.
God has promise a life that's full.  Yes.  I was and am still holding that promise He gave me.  God has blessed me ever since the day I gave up everyone and everybody.  I guess, Vanessa was the hardest to gave up on because she's been a too wonderful sister to me.  But I have to.  I wasn't given a choice.  She's the last one I de-friended with.  And life's good ever since, more than I can imagine.
God promised me that He will prosper me when these are over.  Indeed, He has been blessing me until today. My income last month was RM2,888.00  But somehow, I still have extra in my office bank account, more than enough for the next 1 or 2 months.  I have conquered weekends in KK.  God somehow arranged my every weekend well.  I don't know how to describe.  My life has been busy with works, with people that I only say hi and bye with, tv, relaxation, etc. etc.  I just have nothing to complain about.
I realised I really know a lots of hi bye friends.  In Court, everywhere I go, even the bookstore lady or people I met for the past year, has been really nice to me.  I.e.  I said, even those I do not know their names of, they do say 'hi' to me.  haha...
Anyway, I am putting those devils works behind now and holding on to His promise.
- A promise! -