This is the 8th months that I am not being bothered and cared for ... by the church I used to attend. Well, seems like... after so much I have done for the church and people and God in that church, I am completely being forgotten. I asked a so called friend last Saturday evening of whether she thinks this church is welcoming me for the next day's service. She simply replied, "sure, of course. Service at 9am". After that... I heard nothing from her nor anyone at all. If you were me, do you feel 'welcome'? If you were me, would you ever want to attend such a church or call that church as your church? Total disappointment. For 8 months plus, no one ever try to invite me to the church. They simply apply the general rule: "if she wants to come to church, she will come herself".
I believe everyone needs encouragement. Without encouragement, no one is MOVES to take the first step. No matter how strong a christian I was and am, I need encouragement too. Everyone do... no exceptions. No matter how good you are as a preacher, or a doctor or a lawyer, or an accountant, we all need encouragement.
For 8 months now, no one in the whole KK is asking if I am interested to attend a church or a cell group. NONE. That's the reason I am back in Tawau if I can. Because i know there will be people asking if i need a lift to the church on saturday evening. I am encouraged to attend ... I am pushed. I am welcomed. That's why... I rather go back to Tawau on weekend for church. Have been using 'dad and mom' as the excuse... rather than... being hauted by the feelings that I am not wanted in KK at all, by anyone.
It's weird when i am thinking about this. I can be fearful towards certain things, but in many other things which I would have been fearful, I am not. This morning, I received a very funny message which says: "Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression but a good word makes it glad. Prov 12:25 God bless you with His word PEACE." I looked at that and wonder... this person must have not known what he is sending and to whom he is sending to. He know a good word makes it glad... but for 8 months, i receive no good word and ... what is he implying by sending this kind of message to me? I feel so offended and replied him this: "I don't think I am anxious at any time since I am alone most of the time and argue in court without fear and also don't scare of dying. Who said I am anxious?" I put what I sent into deep thoughts after that... yeah... If I am really suffering from anxiety... do you think I can lives by my own for the past 8 months, handling my own firm myself, do all these running, courts matters, bank dealings, meeting clients all by myself without anyone helping? Do you think I can go buy food, drive alone, go see doctors alone, to taking a flight every week? OK. Even if I am anxious ... how much you as someone who claims wanted to encouragement through your sms is doing exactly, the so called encouragement?
I feel so offended by what he sent me. Seriously.... I call this hypocrite because they also said it, ask people to do it and yet, they do nothing about it. You know what? I have told myself that whichever church has more people to ask me to go to the church, I will go to that church. So far, none from my previous church and I knew, they have forgotten all about me for a long long time now. That's what they wishes.... that I am gone forever, that I am disappear from their presence. I guess, I have decided... I will not return to this forever in my life.
Speaking of encouragement... I have received none so far, except God Himself. If He is all I need, I believe, He wouldn't create Eve.
- Encouragement? -
