Mirror?

I guess my mom missed my dad a lot... or may be not... may be what she said is true.... that I am so much like my dad. These past few days, I have been with my mom almost all the time and whatever I do, whatever I said, all she said was "you are really like your dad". I am not sure if I am so similar to my dad... but people arounds me do say I am like him... may be we are the same type of person.

A friend said I am too good to others sometimes and I am never good to myself. I guess, that part... I am very similar to my dad. Hence, he can understands me and what I am thinking... my cousin said he is such a good pal to me... I guess he is.. and he has always been.

It's both my dad's and my intention that I don't stay with him and my mom. For a very simple reason. We cannot easily get 'unattached' ... for event like this. My dad knows I can't cope with this... he wants me to be independent and lives my own life rather than living a life for them. I need not explain much to my mom because my dad helped me to explained to her. Even up to today, my mom said, my dad wouldn't want her to ask me to come back and stay in Tawau for good. I was quite shock when she told me that today. I guess, ... I am just so much like my dad... and I am glad, I inherited something not everyone has... from my dad.

I wish, I really wish... everyone will respect me and appreciate me one day just like how dad was being respected and appreciated today.

- Mirror? -

Hospital

It has been more than a week now that my dad is admitted to hospital after suffered a stroke. I walked in and out of the hospital and somehow, this feeling of familiarities struck me and so, I was reminded. I was reminded of how many times I was being admitted to hospital and out of the hospital. I remember the first time when I was admitted. I remember which ward I was in.. I remember, my dad carried me with his two hands up and down the hospital (I was almost unconscious then). Besides being admitted, I remember I visited church members, family members so many times in the same hospital. I always follow my dad for hospital visits and others. I went with my dad for his regular check up here in the same hospital for a couple of times too.

I left Tawau for quite a number of years and for many years, I have not visited this hospital until recent years where I followed my dad for one baptism in the hospital. Now, this whole week,.... I visited my dad himself.... I met so many people who came to visit him these few days and told him: "Rev Lin, you used to pray a lot for us, now we want to pray for you.". I am seriously touched and amazed with the amount of people who came to visit dad this whole week. Nurses asked me who is my dad, whether he is a Datuk. Some nurses found out from their colleagues that my dad was their teacher and/or headmaster. Parents of dad students came and visit and told us how grateful they are for having him as their children's teacher once. One Haji even told us now all his children is successful and all because of my dad and he keep saying "Dia yang paling bagus sekali".

While I reached the lift this afternoon, I met about 7 people going up to visit my dad. When the lift stopped at Level 5 and the door opened, I saw another few familiar faces... as I walked towards my dad's bed, I saw a big crowd of people, including my ex-boss/master. He asked me whether he can just talked to him and thank him for what he has done to him and his wife's family.

I am touched.... he used to visit people and prayed for people in the hospital... and many were blessed through him.... and I am so proud to be his daughter, the one he said "that's my girl" and "I know you can do it" when I was discussing my steps of recovery from what I am suffering from. He is not only my dad, he is my best friend, guidance and advisor both spiritually and socially. When I told him I got my housemate moved out, all he said was "it's alright... it's you who has problem. Sort it out ... they will be your best friend again after you receovered". I managed to pick myself up after that conversation ... and I am better... and better each day. I didn't hear him praying for me.... but my mom always told me, my dad always intercede for me. He knees down and prayed for me every single night.

I was not admitted to the hospital (building). But while I was in the 'hospital', he has always been around and prayed for me. He "visited" me in the 'hospital' indeed. I am thankful to God for such a great dad! A dad who is never a stranger to any kind of hospital.

- Hospital -

How are you?

I guess I wrote something about "take care" in my other blog... and today, I just wanna talk about the common question "how are you?" that everyone addressed to me lately. Well, besides asking how's my dad doing, everyone is asking how I am doing. I always do not know how to answer this question. Seriously. See, if I say I am fine, people will think i am seriously not alright and they got even more worry. If I say I am not fine, people will wonder why do I not fine? Is it because I am not alright spiritually? So, I really do not know how to answer that. I learned this a lot in England. Those who were with me back then will understand how difficult it is for me to answer that question. 13 years now, I am still haivng difficulties in answer that question. I will answer, but it takes a while to come around with 'words'.

I am glad... to have some really good friends... ML is always the best. She called, she didn't ask the question. All she does was asking how's my dad is doing and whether I have eat and sleep enough. Telling me what books to read, told me a story and offered to prayed for me. I always think her prayer is something not any ordinary people can do. We always joke around asking her to put that in English. Including all her biblical explaination, understanding and philosophy. I just love her so much. After not keeping regular contact with her for the past 3 years, ghoosh... i just miss her so much. After she finish praying for me and my family, all she told me was "it is alright to be not ok. that shows us how limited control of us over this universe" and she really comforted with me with not much of a saying. This kind of friend... I really thank God for having her in my life. She saved me once and this is the second time. Having her around (not physically) is like having her around physically. It's her who made me bold enough to take the step to face the difficulties in front. It is her who has been my encouragement.

Well, if you ask me now how am I doing? I can tell you, I am 'coping' alright. Except worries about works, finances and dad, nothing else I am worry about. Not that I can turn my worries into something now seriousy.... so, I will just take what may come.

- How are you? -