Stranger?

I wonder how everyone reacts towards meeting someone you do not know for the first time. Strangely, I reacted differently when it comes to different kind of stranger. If the stranger is a client whom I have never met before this, ... I reacted quite naturally, talked to him/her and I manage to start a few topics to make sure they feel comfortable while talking to me. When it comes to people I meet for the first time in church, most of the time, I reacted quite ok with it, but it all depends on whether the person is willing to open up and talk. But I tend to react very 'weirdly' or 'strangely' around close friends of those whom I am close to, which I have never met before. Yup... I feel somewhat... not comfortable with people like that, as if my life is in danger. Ya, insecure you might want to put it. Worse still, when the close friends keep talking to my friends and they made me feel like I am not welcome. There's a few occasions, where such situations happen and I have to excuse myself silently and retrieve to my 'comfort zone'.... to my own car, sit there and play games, .... or walked away from them and stand somewhere, trying to get myself busy and all....

Well, .... I always thought it is something WRONG with me...(my mom always told me I love to be in my own world and doesn't like to be with people) and I started to do some examination on myself by meeting strangers...................MORE! I have no problem when it comes to getting along with new bosses, getting along with new colleagues, getting along with new students.... new comer in church, etc.... and I started to wonder.... if it is really me that's wrong or people arounds me that's wrong. hahahahahaha.... Well, ... I guess, we reacted differently when we are to face strangers.... and I happen to be someone how is so not open to meet people who do not sincerely want to meet me and know me (have to say "hi" to me because I am so and so's friends and it is impolite to not to say "hi").

I happen to joined 2 strangers for lunch a while ago and while they were talking, I feel instead of them being stranger to me, that I am a stranger in the table and I am not welcome. OF COURSE I do know they do not mind having me around.... but ... it's that feeling I am saying.. that makes me feel awkward!!!!!

I seriously need to know how to deal with stranger, still. At least from the stage where I don't even dare to go in a shop to buy things myself .... until now, I can go pump petrol myself, it's such an improvement. But I think I need to put more efforts huh?

Ya....

- Stranger? -

Opportunity?

I was asking the question of whether this is my job or his job or their job thousand and million of time... because my boss tends to leaves everything in the office under my care for weeks every month and that leaves me wonder if it is my job to perform certain duties and work in the office, including some of his and previous colleague's files......well, to be exact, I am not paid for handling those files and work. More so, this morning, I have to go Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri to get 3 documents stamped because I need it urgently and my office boy told us he can't get it done in the morning. After the LHDN, I have to also made a trip to the bank to get a bank draft issued to pay Jabatan Tanah dan Ukur. All these, ..... i wonder if those are what I need to do...

Well, when I was rushing to finish drafting an Affidavit for client to execute tomorrow morning, my clerk brough 3 files up (same client) and she was helping me with confirming how much disbursement the 3 files has incurred so far and she made mistakes on it. A mistake which I noted without going into detail. I told her to make thorough check on the bills and all and all she told me in respond was, the auditor is asking her to check all the accounts and she wants to be excused from doing anything else but the accounts. I seriously told her that if account is what she needs to focus on and if she can't finish, she will have to do OT if that's needed. I told her i also brought works home and skipped lunch if I need to.

She thought doing bill is not her job. I see it as an opportunity for her to learn, to get used to things. But if she is not seeing it as opportunity, I won't give her that opportunity at all. So, i called her to bring all the 3 files up and I have done the bills myself.

I guess, we are reluctant to do 'extra' works.... we calcuate too much, don't we? ... haiz... Seriously, we tend to apply this more often when it comes to church ministries.... but God says, "I give you an opportunity to serve me, and you said, you are frustrated with the opportunity I gave you?"

So, it is extra works or opportunity?

- opportunity? -

Influences

It's a stressful week but for a change, at least, I only need to deal the stress at work and not others. It's weird... as it has never happen before. I guess somehow, people arounds me has been happy and so, somehow, the stress has left. I ponder however, during sleep for the past few hours.... what will cause a person to be sad, unhappy... and what will changed a person to be happy. I wrote in this blog few weeks ago about asking ourselves whether we are happy. It is a question I always ask myself. And the answer I always have is be it happiness or unhappiness, it will only last for a while and most of the time, it is influenced by what happen around us and ... also of what said to us by those we are close to.

I wonder therefore, if we have make others happy by what we did and what we said. Or are we influencing others' happiness and unhappiness because we are unhappy or happy, which was caused by others? Yes... it goes round and round and round.... and somehow, I am so bothers by it and I woke up around 4 something... even though I am very tired after the trial.

Well, I guess.... unless I lives all by myself ... otherwise, it is almost impossible to not to be influenced by others. I seriously hate this........

- Influences and/or impact -