Whose?

I am doing some part time teaching recently ... and my students consist of those who are very good law background to those who has none and some, the can understand what I want to tell them very easily (and they said i am too slow in my teaching) and some, they couldn't understand anything at all (they said I am too fast in my teaching) and it is so hard to put a balance and cater the needs of both groups. Hence, I am basically not pleasing anyone at all... in fact, I am causing both of the groups to 'suffer' and I am seriously not feeling good about it. However, I do expect that the weaker group can do more efforts in their readings, in their research and all and the stronger group will be able to just relax and try to find MORE cases and all in support of their argument. Somehow, it's seriously.... not about what a teacher can do becaues it seems like, the problem lies on the student, their ability to capture what they need to.

In the same way, in church... our spiritual level is also different from each other and worse still, we have different needs, different age groups and different background of the people. Besides the gospel and the salvation, I would think, it is hard for the preacher to come up with something which can cater for the needs of everyone on sunday. I think somehow, one will have to put their own efforts into getting MORE if one thinks the sermons/preaching is not enough for themselves... It's just too hard for the preacher to preach on a sermon to cater for everyone's need... don't you think?

I am not sure... may be we should be the one doing the 'research' if we think we wants more...

- Whose? -

Report upwards!

The worries and issues that's in my heart...................... was partly being released this evening during a meeting. Many heard it for the first time and some, was reminded of the issues I brought to them earlier on of which, they have failed to take it seriously. I have been reminded that I should report it upwards (i do know that I should do that, but I have been trying not to because things will not be the same anymore if i do), and hence, I did it. To the shock of many, I guess in a way, I have now, make them worries............... Well, at least, issues are highlighted and be it all these issues can be solved or not at the end of the day, my conscience is clear now that, I have done what I should and what I need to.

A friend has reminded me to 'submit all these in prayer' this morning (05.10.2010) and I did... just that, I somehow, lost the trust on people, completely.... (ya, hence, the needs of focusing in Him, right?)

Well, I hope my worries are not 'eating me up' ... and so, by sharing this and reported upwards, I actually feels better... However, it's almost impossible not to worry.............. because I do care! Of course, who am I and how much can I do?

- Report upwards! -

Worries...

The definition of the word "Worry" according to Oxford Dictionaries: -

verb (worries, worrying, worried)
1. feel or cause to feel anxious or troubled about actual or potential problems:
[no object] :
he worried about his soldier sons in the war

[with clause] :
I began to worry whether I had done the right thing

[with object] :
there was no need to worry her
(as adjective worried) expressing anxiety:
there was a worried frown on his face
[with object] (worry something out) discover or solve something by persistent thought:
children should be allowed to pause in their reading to worry out a meaning

2. [with object] annoy or disturb:
the noise never really stops , but it doesn't worry me

3. [with object] (of a dog or other carnivorous animal) tear at or pull about with the teeth:
I found my dog contentedly worrying a bone (of a dog ) chase and attack (livestock, especially sheep)

4 [no object] (worry at) pull at or fiddle with repeatedly:
he began to worry at the knot in the cord.

Yes, I am worry... worry about the welfare of people especially those who are close to me, and those who are under my care. It is not very easy to be someone's friend, and someone's leader. Somehow, this burden in me to look after the welfare of people is IN me and hence, it is so hard to let me to just say, "Let him/her be" especially when I know something not good is going happen. No, I am no prophets, neither am I a superwomen or have some supernatural power that I can foresee things in the future. But the decernment that God has given me over this, is strong enough for me to 'feel' the different. Yes, I know you will say I should just trust them and let them accountable to God themselves. True, that's a good 'excuse'. To me, I don't see why one would accountable to God in the first place if they cannot be accountable to themselves and their friends and/or leader. As a human being, I won't talk about God because it's easy to be accountable to God then to people around us - God will forgives anyway and He will understands... (excuses I called).

Oh well, why and what makes me worry? Simple, I guess because I care. If I tell you I am not worry about you, there will be only 2 reasons for it. One, that you have gained my trust, 100% because you have proved that you can handle it. Secondly, I do not care about you at all.

Well, I get more worries when you have broken the former scenario. If the second scenario happen, of course, you won't get any 'concern' from me at all because I might consider you do not worth my concern at all (very rarely, but.. will explain later), and the worry part will not even steps in.

There will be time where I don't bothers and/or concern at all because you have decided not to accountable to me, nor wanting me to be part of it and ignoring every reminders I gave. When this happen, yes, I will not bother at all and I am adapting the "if you want to die, I will let you die" principle.

Recently, there's too many things to worry about and seriously, not all of those cause me to have sleepless nights... nothing worries me then the welfare of a person who is under my care and/or someone whom I consider as 'close'. When line was crossed and they seems perfectly alright about it (by giving me excuses to explained him/herself), that worries me even more because I know they are not in their right mind already and they have been brainwashed. Of course, I do believe, besides the party concerned, there's 3rd party who also contributed towards it.

Is it so hard to resist the temptation? I believe at all time, it is... when we put our brain aside and our feeling first...

Worries... I must say I am worry about others, more than myself ... and it is so hard not to worry!

- worries ... -