Emotionally challenged!

It has been for a while now...

Well, I am not sure if a lawyer should be good in their EQ, but seriously, I think that's the reason why we lawyer quit practise after a while. We can be physically so tired due to reading, thinking and arguing. More over, there are challenges from client, from opponent and from the judges that causes us to be so emotionally challenged. Seriously, I thought that's just because they are 'work'...

But I got so tired physically and emotionally lately not due to work alone... but due to church ministries. Seriously, when 2 items came at the same time instead of one, I find it too hard to cope.

Oh well... due to all these, and without a listening ears which I can share (most of the matters are private and confidential), I find myself just about to collapse... and just about then, I am reminded of Psalm 23 and a book written by Max Lucardo, "Travelling Light"...

Yes, again, I am 'going back' to the previous me... where I used to only talk to God! or rather, where I CAN ONLY talk to God. ... Lord... yes... I need you and you heard what I said to you. Please intervene... and help me to put all the burdens in you ... and relax... !

Yes... I am just about to gone insane, Lord!!! [thank God my EQ is very high, otherwise, I can't imagine]

- Emotionally challenged! -

Death!

It could be age, it could be too lonely, it could be anything... it just happen that this topic keep flashing in my mind these few days! Yes, I know many do know I always wanted to die young, for a very simple reason... I hate this world. If you have not know the reason until now, well, let me reveal to you, that, I hate this world. Can't be true? Why? Because I have a wonderful parents, a loving brother and his family and a respectable career and lots of friends? Hmm... oh well, that's what EVERYONE is hoping to have isn't it? Ya, I got them all... and all those dropped from heaven... by God to my hand. I don't own them seriously.... one day, all these will fade away. First thing first, friends... I can't seems to have close friends to be precise. Ya, it's just me... people just doesn't count me as their close and good friend, that's all... so, none of my friend stays as close friend after a while and then... I started to realised they started to betrayed me, they started to look down at me, they started to... whatever it is. You name them! [it's painful to count them now]. Then... job, which seriously I do not think it will last forever..and then of course family... well, everybody knows I don't have my own family. So.... which of those are what you call, a 'good life'... besides... having God?

I started to realised I can only rely on God and trust Him when I was as young as 7 years old [i know i am pathetic] and so, of all my day and night... I just want to be with Him. So, the idea of wanting to die young created ever since then.

Death... I happen to attend 2 funeral services within a month time and in both occassion, it's like a reminder from God for me not to put any hope on people arounds me. As I was trying to imagine how death would be, I was driven back to the day I was being anesthetic during an operation about 2 years ago. My memories suddenly recalled the incident recently. It's seriously not a very good memory... Oh well... death... am I thinking about death? Hmm... I think I am...

- Death -

Conflict Style Description

I was thought of these few conflict style description during a few hours of seminar by John Ng during the Eagle Leadership Conference. I must tell you, I had a dilemma when during the whole conference as I was asked to think of someone whom I always have conflicts with and than, focus on the issues and try to resolve the conflict arounds it. Oh well, when I was asked to pair with a pastor and talked about it (we knew each other), I ended up having problem finding that 'someone'. Not that I don't have, .... just that... well, you will see when I put on the conflict style description as stated below (I will explain mine in a while): -

(a) Constant Naggings

(b) Harsh Start-ups

(c) Criticism

(d) Contempt

(e) Defensiveness

(f) Stonewalling

(g) One Leg Kicking (the subject falling into the same pattern of behaviour and using the same style in dealing with the conflicts that arise with the other party).

(h) Failure in Repair and Failure to Repair

(i) Smiling Tiger; Hidden Dragon (the subject behaving as if everything is okay towards the conflicting party even though the subject is still angry. The subject also acts as if things are fine in the presence of external parties such as friends and relatives, as he/she does not want external parties to know about his/her problems, even though much resentment and anger still resides in the subject's heart.

(j) Confession Approach

(k) Physical Violence

(l) More Negativity than Positivity

After we were told of these styles, we were all given a test. This it he most difficult test ever because I couldn't think of anyone and so, a person came into mind and I did the test based on this person.

The test shown that, I have always used this conflict styles: Stonewalling and Smiling Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

Yes, in any and every conflicts situation, these styles seems to came in and either you will see me smile and pretend I don't feel anytihng or you will see me listening without any action and let the other party to finish it and leave. But I must remind you, that as it is described, you will add on hurts and angers in me ... and as a human being, it will burst one day!

Ya... if you are about to or planned to have a conflict with me in near future, bear in mind this, that I might 'assess' you based on what I learn at Eagle Leadership Conference. hahahaha... see, I am taking conflict as 'fun' too... isn't that cool?

- Conflict Style Description -