Is it time?

I guess... I have been trying very hard and very hard and very hard.... in my work, to make sure that I am doing a good work and feel satisfied with it. No doubt, I did feel satisfied in certain point, but most of the time, somehow, I did a very bad job in my work. Yes. I feel dissatisfied with my work performance lately. No matter how hard I tried, I never get to a point where I will feel satisfied. Some people tells me even if work is terrible sometimes, but if we receive good income, it's still bearable... well, I must agree that... as income can balance up the 'minus' issues at work. In my situation, things would be a bit different as I didn't get both. I hate it most when my client refuses to pay or rather give lots of excuses of not to pay me at the prescribed time...

In addition to that, I gets difficult clients and I just hate them when they shown disrespect towards me, not listening to me, and later blame me for mistake they made and ask me to solve their so called 'mistake'. Well...

I just hate my job lately... put it this way... hate it so much so that I sometimes, refuse to even come to work.

Well... a friend told me, may be it's time to think and pray ... may be something that you really like to do and it's not law professions... May be she is right... since I give myself 5 years in practice.... and never has pledged to be in this professions for the rest of my life. Is it time?

- Is it time? -

That's how it happen...

I always wonder how lawyers can forget about attending Court if they have put down the date properly in their diary. Well, of course I stop wondering years ago when it ALMOST happen to me when my firm's court clerk has failed to put one of the date correctly in the MAIN diary. Today, however... I experienced it myself.... I was asking my partner if my client (who happens to be her dad's friend) has ever contacted her about paying my fees which I billed since June 2009. She replied said she did and she also explained to the client about possible cost needed if we bring the matter to the High Court. The conversation went to she heard that our Summary Judgment was being dismissed and when she mentioned that, my mind suddenly remember the rulling date was some time in September. I open the file, checked my last record of Court Attendance and there, I found... the rulling date was 4th September 2009, almost.. 2 weeks ago. I couldn't even remember what kept me so occupied then that I totally forgot about attending court on the 4th September 2009. I remember talking to my partner about it one or two days before the hearing date and I can forgot completely about it until TODAY?

It amazed me... I mean... my mind... or rather.. memory... Now.... I have to find out what happen on the 4th. Did the Judge delivered the judgment without my presence or did she thrown out my case? I hope she didn't thrown out my case....

Who is at fault on all these? ME of course... for not entering the date into my itouch/phone (my diary). ARRRRRGGGGG.... !!!! I am now reminded... to put every single date on my diary... now, I am checking every files now...

Meanwhile, I am trying to get the court interpreter to ask her what happen on the 4th. My opponent... of course she is trying to be nasty in it. Not that she didnt' inform me, she is waiting for me to forget about the case and so that I will miss out the appeal date. How nasty... !!!!

Well...

Yiks...

- that's how it happen -

Yet, another challenge...

No matter how much I dislike being challenge... somehow, I feel challenged again. Trust me, this is the first time I feel like I don't want to care anymore even though it's a challenge relates to life and death.

After sharing this with a friend, he of course 'challenge' me again saying... do it. Seriously... my heart is willing but i think emotionally and physically, I don't think I can... so much so, I think due to the tiredness of my emotions and physics.... I am attack by the one... the evil one... !!!! Interesting... it's so good that I didn't notice it and it's tactics for the past few weeks until now...

Nope. Not that it uses the 'energy' tactic, but also using the 'God's people's' tactic.... I feel so discouraged by my own church in all my serving..............

I guess the challenge now is... whether I will be able to stand up firm and continue to finish this 'fight'....

- yet, another challenge -