Challenge....

I cannot remember when was it .... that I started to feel .... 'weak' when it comes to challenge given to me.......... when was it that I was being 'defeated'? Hmm... I wonder if it is the problem with the case, with the client, myself or all of the above. ... May be it's all of the above. I just hate this case that's set for trial tomorrow... it's suppoes to be in March 2009 but the case was dragged on all the way to September. I couldn't resist but to ask for another deposit from client and the client asked me what is that for. Well, I told him, to asked us for extra hours and works, unncessarily, we charge MORE. I guess his secretary doesn't understand what I meant when I told her it's just deposit... not the exact amount YET. I must tell her the fact that just the disbursement incurred since March 2009, it's amounted to RM3,000.00. If thing goes well, I think there will be another 1 or 2 times to the Court after tomorrow.

This deposit... should reminded him that we are not his worker... he needs to pay us when he asked for meeting and so on.... not only one lawyer involved especially... sometimes, 2.

Well... I hope tomorrow goes well seriously... and guess what? the most ridiculous thing is... I am terrified to question by client more than the opponent's witnesses. Can you believe that? Pray for me, would you. If I can finish by 11am, I can go home by 12pm... otherwise, I will have to stuck there in Labuan until 8pm. I don't mind if I am there with my cousin... but no.. not with client........

- challenge -

The Price...

The price of being too close to some friends will cause you: -

(a) being treated without respect;

(b) being scolded and/or shouted without understand why only they can shout at you but not the other way round;

(c) being hit and when you asked them to stop, they refuses;

(d) insensitive to your emotions status;

(e) being disregarded;

(f) not being respected, i.e. they just ask you to follow their plans without asking you if you want to;

(g) etc. etc. etc.

I was not very happy with things in life for the past 2 weeks and last week, I was completely down with bad mood... and unhappiness... the only way to ease my pain was to watch TV... thanks to TVB which has their 4 final episods of one of the series in 2 days and as I missed some of the previous episods, I just starred at the TV for hours and hours and hours...., firstly, hoping that it will make me tired and I can go to bed... secondly, hoping that my brain will stop thinking of things I do not want to think about for a while.... none... none of those 2 things works... I ended up having sleepless nights still.....

Well? In addition to that, I was seriously drained out completely on weekend with all the church programmes and all and with people whom I don't feel like going out with... ghoosh.. I am even more down yesterday and today.... hahahahaha...

Time to deal with it? Yeah.. why not? If I am capable of, I would have done so long long time ago. Self pity? Well... up to you to define... I just need a peace of mind for a little while............but is this possible to happen this week? I don't think so...... as this week is super pack.

The price of being too 'joyous' and/or too 'it's ok mood'... caused me to lose myself for few weeks...

- the price -

Dream!

I remember stepped into a ship full of books the first time when I was very young... I think about 5 years old. Not to Doulos, but Logos. Yes, you got me right, it's the LOGOS, not Logos II. Dad and mom gave us the freedom to choose whatever books we want and we just grab what we feel like having (we still have it until today... but mostly, given to my nephew and niece now). That was the first memory I have with ship full of books... (Tawau has not much resources of books then).

Of course, Logos serves on other places after that and Doulos is serving around Asia and so, instead of Logos and Logos II, I visited Doulos a couple of times before today. If my memory serves me well, I visited Doulos at least 3 times since I came back from England.

I remember when I was in my teen, I was so impressed by the way they share gospel and how they serves people through their services and sharing every places they stopped at. My dream, was to be able to serve on the ship for at least 6 months. I think since then, God has placed 'evangelism' in my heart.. yes... it's through Logos and Doulos that this 'dream' was created.

Now that Doulos is finishing it's seaworthiness... my dream somehow still stays... in fact, I am reminded... of the 'calling' I have through and from it.

Is this a dream that I cannot never fulfill? Will it be Doulos II? I really pray this ministry will continue.... are you?

p/s picture taken from http://www.mvdoulos.org/

- Dream! -