"Aimless"?

I was so tired last night after a few evening of reading up and meeting friends. I even left my office earlier just to take a rest. After I cooked and eaten, my eyes start closing ... and so, I went to bed. I woke up in the middle of nights a couple of days and I just didn't had a good rest. This moring, I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down and wonder: "Why am I here for? How much more longer should I be doing all these? Forever?" If you know me, you know well that I can't sit down, commit to something FOREVER. I will start the 'project' and finish it and start another 'project' and finish it. So, I wonder now, when is the end of this 'project' that I have just started a few months ago.

If you ask me what is that I am aiming for in this 'project', I really do not know. But for now until June next year, I do wish I can go for at least one mission trip. Never in my life, I planned things further than 6 months. I always plan things that's in front of me and finished it ON TIME. But this morning, I really ponder about what's my 'aim' now...

Soon, I will have to lead a group of people in church and started to involve more in ministries. But, I do need to know where am I heading to and what's my 'aim'. A group of young people in church starated to 'acknowledge' me and they even requested me to lead them. I guess I am easily get involved with them because I am in the worship team. Well, but... what's my aim? What's my calling? What should I do? Can anyone tell me?

- aimless? -

"Moodless"

Well, I am suffering this "moodless" motion for a few days now. People get confused of the meaning of "moodless" as some intepreted it as "No Mood" and some, "Moody" and some, didn't even know what it means. To me, it means I can not possibly feel any feeling or 'mood', that's what I call "Moodless". I am not sure what's the cause of it, but these few days, I just feel that I should just hide myself in office and home. I didn't have good moment these few days. I can't say I am not feeling happy because there is NOTHING wrong in my life at the moment and I can't say I am happy because it's simply NOTHING is going on very well in my life. A friend used to say "Life is predictable" everytime we asked him, "How's life". I didn't understand before but I do understand now of what that phrase means.

For the past 20 over years, my life was 'unpredictable'. Some people said we can control our lives, the way we lives, etc. But as for me, anything that usually won't happen in you, do has the possibility happening in my life. i.e. Sprained my back before I enter into an Exam hall for the toughest paper; Exam postponed because the premise suspected to have bomb; Shipped 2 cartoons of Cargos back to Malaysia and it never reached, etc. etc. I always struggles with life until I learned that, I can not possibly control my life no matter how hard I tried. So, from then on, those who knows me will recalled that I always says "My life is not in my hand". Honestly, there is nothing I can say besides recognising the existence and greatness of God once again.

"Moodless" : Since the day I left Kuala Lumpur and back to Sabah, life are 'unpredictable' as well as "predictable". I cannot foresee what kind of business is coming in, what sort of people I need to dealt with, how much I can earn each month, etc. etc. but I can expect to be able to sit in the office for hours without anything to do and also to plan what I want to do in the evening. So, if you ask me if I am doing fine, I will tell you I am but life is too predictable and I am losing the passion to face challenges. I need challenges and unpredictable life. But when it comes, will it bring me 'enjoyment'?

- moodless -

Unexpected Trip!

It was last month that I had decided to pay my parents a visit during our National Day holiday. After I purchased ticket only then I found out that my father and my brother are suppose to be in KK for a meeting. In a way, it is good also if I go back to home as my mom will be alone at home for a few days. So, I planned to go back and to relax.

Just an evening before I left, my brother assigned an assignment for me... to check out a good and reliable car for my parents. So, I took that assignment back home and for 2 days, I was checking cars and prices. Discussing with my mom without my dad and brother's presence. Besides sorting out that, I also had my own assignment, that is to meet up with my uncle with regards to my medical insurance. I got all that done on one trip. In addition to that, I was informed that I was back in a good timing because one of a distant relative / schoolmate / church friend is getting married on that particular Saturday. I was then so buy with all the functions. It's a wonderful gathering but it's tiring. After my dad came back from Kota Kinabalu on Saturday, we went to test drive a car and it's wonderful. I am still in th midst of deciding which car to get. I am still doing my proposal to my brother and let him do the final decision.

I did consulted one of my uncle and I guess what he adviced is good.. that the car is not for us, but for our parents. So, yes... I am leaving it to the Lord now.. hahaha...!!!

Really... this trip is really FUN!!!