When it comes to life, and different phases of life, everything that we decided to do, or not to do, are subjective. There's always a reason(s) behind why someone act, do, reacted, responded in the way they do. In a very Malaysia mentality, people tend to follow the majority and always think what they prefer, should apply to others too. i.e. they think they know the best and they will make sure you follow EXACTLY they ask you to. My mother is no different from a typical Malaysian and to her, I am the rebellious one because I don't listen to her and she often gets agitated and frustrated because I refused to listen to her. Unfortunately, I am not a cow or a pet of her. I have my own thinking and not because of disrespect, but I do decide things that are best for me. "Sorry, mum, I don't want to be another you. Even though you probably think you are the most successful person in the world".
People always make their judgement on others based on just what they know and see, without trying to know the full details of it. That's the saddest thing to Malaysia mentality or humankind in general. Many people think it is a must to have certain things and possession in life to be categorised as successful. To me, that's nonsense. Yes. I am being judgemental myself here too.
What applauded me sometimes is when I saw someone comment IMMEDIATELY that the one who committed suicide is weak. Oh, come on, ... not like you know how much efforts he/she had put up. Not like you know what happened and how tough his/her life was. You only saw the news that he/she died. Or worse, some think immediately that so and so is not rich today because they have not put on enough efforts. Come on, not everyone has a golden key when they were born, or a smart brain when they were born. Not everyone is like you, to begin with. Be fair. Some people came to me and said "you won't understand me because you are a lawyer" or they will say something like, "It is because you are rich enough that you can go to England for holiday". hahaha.. seriously.... going to England (and why England) for a holiday (or not?) or I want to be a lawyer or not? How hard I tried to be one, or not, understand your situation or not, was in your situation before or not, you DO NOT KNOW. If you think I have a smart brain, you are wrong. If you think my parents have the money to send me to Uni in England by choice, you are wrong. If you think I study full time all these years, you are wrong. If you think I passed CLP easily you are wrong, you think going through pupillage in 2 places was easy, you are wrong. You think I did not put up shits to get where I am, you are wrong. If you think because I am rich and therefore I go to England for holiday, you are so wrong. If you think I am where I am, you are wrong. and if you think my future is bright, you are WRONG too.
There are also reasons why I do things the way it is, such as why I do not have a partner in my firm, why don't I hire Legal Assistant? Why do I have to operate my firm in a house? Why do I lives in the condominium and not the house? Why I wear trousers most of the time? Why do I have attending social functions? Why do I go to England often? Why am I using Mac, Why am I not married, why this and that, there are all valid reasons (at least to me). But how many people really care and wanted to find out?
I used to hear people say I give up life too easily. I was once suffering from major depression and yet people think that I am too weak too. haha.. but how many realised how tough life was for me in the past 26 years at least? They only commented and being judgmental when they see me suffer, but never try to be there for me when I needed them. So when they want to now 'take charge' of my life, why should I be bothering them? and there it goes, they said I am not opening up for seeking help. hahahaha. That's the joke of the year. I needed help, but to someone who is able to help, not someone who appears out of nowhere and being judgmental. I seriously do not need these people in my life. Ever since then, which probably 10 years now, that I finally get to filtered people around me into a different category. I always thank God for that moment, for me to identify who is worth my time spending with them. Those who know me well, even though I failed many times to pick myself up and vented, know somehow I will bounce back and I will try harder. Those who don't know me well, they just saw the 'failure' i had and gave up.
Seriously, I am proud of myself for achieving so much today. Regardless if it falls into your category of success or not. IT doesn't matter to me because I am fulfilling my list, not yours. Am I moving on? Oh yes, I am. Even though I might be physically less healthy than anyone else, but I am. I might be disappointed, discouraged and not motivated at times, but I haven't given up yet.
- Giving up or moving on? -
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