Rejection

Rejection.  It probably started even before I was born that I feel rejected.  Except a few, many expect me to be someone I cannot be and when I am not the one they expected, I am rejected. Since young, the sense of rejection is very strong in me.  I know not many likes me an even during youth time, I was told face to face that no one wants to be my friend.  I do not belong to any group of friends and certainly not having any good friend or best friend in my life.  I cannot recall I have a friend whom I can talk about or any so-called BFF in my life.  There's none.  I am not being invited to any birthday party, any gathering, any fellowship or meet up.  NEVER.  That is not a system in my life at all.  Even if I am invited to a movie date, people forget about getting me a ticket, etc.  To a point, the cinema boss saw how pity I was and gave me a free seat.  People generally will only look for me when they need my help, otherwise, there I go, ... being forgotten and left out. "I am busy" is commonly used to tell me to not disturb them and their lives. 

When I was in church ministries, the same happened.  When there's something great to do, my proposal and ideas were rejected.  I not wanted, and when they need me to do things no one wants to do, they will pass it to me.  In summary, I am a dustbin.  Useful, but only to collect rubbish. Life hasn't been easy the past 45 years as none of the days I am not being reminded that I am a rejected soul.  I have learned however, to be useful still by doing my only purpose and job = collecting rubbish, doing things people refused to do because it is not something that can bring fame and recognition to them.  Be it I need to pay to repair the 'dustbin', I will do my best to get it sorted.  Often, I am being kicked around and most of the time, dirty and hurt, still, I hold on to that principle that, I am doing what I am called to be, a dustbin. 

I almost gave up 2 or 3 years ago because I don't see any future laid ahead for me if I continue to be doing all these.  It's hiring when no one recognised your efforts or there seems to be nothing to look forward to. However, someone through one or two people (Client included) told me to keep up and encouraged to continue to do the only thing that I am called to do, and do it right and well.  I did.  No matter how many times I am being rejected or I feel the pain of being rejected, I take comforts that God and/or Jesus do understand the pain I am going through because Jesus was and at some point still being rejected too. He certainly knows what I am going through and how much I can hold on to this until.  He will certainly give me a way out from this too. 

It used to be a very difficult situation to go through.  But now, I can take comforts that He understands and this will soon be passed.  The year 2020 to many is a year that is so hard to get through but for me, it's like the whole world finally is in my shoes.  It is a year I enjoyed the most, despite the pandemic.  It is having the best relationship moment with God that makes everything seems so different.  Just like 1 Peter Chapter 2 says, if I am putting that focus on Him and get away from all the deceits, malice and evil things in the world or the world introduced, everything will be good.  The rejection will soon be dissolved and that I will enjoy royal priesthood with Him.  

I pledged therefore that I will not put my focus on the rejection and/or being loved and recognised by people, but I will focus on Him, having the relationship with Him and continue my journey as long as what I do pleases Him and wins His approval.  I hope, by His grace and mercy, I am able to hold tight until the day He comes again.  

For trying to achieve a bit of fame and recognition of the world, well, I guess, it doesn't matter to me anymore.  After all, the process of rejection since young has made me realised that it is not important anymore as I am immune to it.  Reject me in whatever way you want it.  That's all right. Only being rejected by God is what I fear of and only through rejection, I know how much He loves me because all He wants of me, is to spend all my time with Him. 

Yes, and you haven't heard me saying He loves others more than me for a long time now, because it is undeniable that He does love me.  

- Rejection -