The wrath of God

Romans Chapter 1

2 years ago (the feeling is stronger since April 2019), I have been prompt about the following: -

(a)  the harvest is plentiful but my workers are few;

(b)  Jonah and God's mercy; and

(c)  counterfeit God.

And when I started with Romans few weeks ago, it's about the wrath of God.

Interestingly, this is the first time I have read Chapter 1 in detail and understood that when we suppressed our acknowledgement towards the need of God,  one of the actions of the wrath of God is to make sure that we have everything that we 'over-desired' so that we lost God completely, that includes seeking blessing and salvation overly.

Over the past few months, I have been thinking about giving up the law firm I am managing now by end of May and I have been praying and hoping to have more time to prepare myself before the day to come as I have yet to know what He wants me to do next.  With the MCO, it is good that I have all the time to spend it with the Lord (verticle relationship) so I know how I can do to sort out the horizontal relationship on earth. 

I am, however, yet to know anything about "what's my next chapter of life".  But I do know that I do not want to put my focus on or over-desired to have a satisfying life other than making Him happy.  I am not sure about you.  If I love the person, I don't like to see him/her angry.  I will try to do anything, everything possible to make the person happy.  I just want to make God happy, even though I do acknowledge that I have limited and small 'power' to offer. 

Over the years, I have been making sure that I will not have the feeling of I need my career or firm more than God.  Obviously, it is a huge struggle for me because (a)  besides career, I don't have anything else (no family, no friends, no church, no ministry); and (b)  I do need financial support to lives a life. At times I do worry about not making enough money to survives a decent life, not just for myself but for my mom too.  Many times, it's always so challenging when I have to decide whether to take the job that I will suffer through it or just to do the job in order for me to have some profit.  While juggling between these, I still have to think about my workers, whether I have enough to pay them, pay for the expenses and others.  I have to admit that I have spent more time thinking or worrying about this rather than spending my brain juice in thinking about God.  

I realised I have this problem and expectation in recent years.  Yes.  Only in recent years.  I hate it when friends are telling me, "sorry for not being able to keep in touch these few weeks because I am busy and I will probably be able to squeeze some time for you in June."   It hurts me when I heard that.  Seriously? I am not insignificant that you can't even spend 5 minutes for me every day? Our relationship is not any greater than your work or your ministry or your other friends?  

I guess I was like those friends too when I am with God, in the past few years.  "Sorry God, I don't have time for you today or these 2 weeks.  Maybe I can squeeze some time for you in June, after my sorts out my family matters, my court trials, my friends who need me, fixing my house, etc."  Does that sound familiar? 

"Ouch!"  That's exactly what God will feel.  Hurt.  Not appreciated.  Rejected.  Less important. God gave us 24 hours a day and we used 8 hours to sleep (not compromising any minutes for other things), 8 to 10 hours to work, 3 to 4 hours to eat and other hours to do what you like, but we can't spend 30 minutes to 1 hour to be with the Lord? I am feeling the hurts.  Seriously... 

I repented on my first chapter of reading and studying Romans.  I repented. I am sorry I made you angry, Lord.  I know you love me and it's so painful when your loved one hurts you this way.  Forgive me.  

- the wrath of God -