Does God allow suffering?

It was about half a year ago, that I texted a good friend who is a missionary, checking on how she is coping with lockdown and the travel restriction since she was always on the move and always about travelling to mission fields at least twice a month.  I thought it would be challenging for her to stay at home most of the time now and so, it's out of concern that that texted her.  Our conservation ended us in fiery debates.  I was calmed enough to cool myself down and wonder what did I said went wrong and how did she react in such rage.   

So, the conversation begins with me asking how is she coping and all and I jokingly said something like, "you know you are like a monkey that cannot stop moving", which she usually will be able to pick it up and laughed about her always on the moving character.  She somehow picked that up differently this time and states that she is not a monkey and she is a human loved by God and if I do not have anything better to say instead of accusation, I should stop. Agreed completely and I said, I am sorry and I hope she is fine and well.  Just went I was putting my phone away, she raged and said, "You should be more compassionate in your words, especially when you do not know what others are going through". Agreed. I am not God whom I can read minds or be able to know what's going through with others.  But then I got angry very much by what she said now because as far as I remember, she's never present during the most difficult time of my life and always pinpoint that I should be more focus on God during the most difficult time of my life later.  I never responded to her incompassionate, heartless and judgemental comments all the year. So, I responded saying, "whatever you are going through, I hope you will hold tight to Him and He will deliver".  She rebuked my saying and said, "God never created suffering.  People suffer because they are not closed to God or God did not give them grace". I totally disagree with what she's saying and I couldn't believe this came out from her mouth because we grew up in the same church, by the same teaching and yet, her believes had departed so far away because of her recent years of attending a church that's so much about the prosperity gospel.  I did not argue with her on this theological part.  She will not be able to listen anyway because to her, I suffered the 'suffering' because I am not close to God and she's the one who is close to God and she has all the grace and mercy from God because she is doing His will and doing His works.  I was troubled and at the same time, feeling so upset about this whole incident.  My mind went to only one issue, "Did God allowed suffering to His people?"

I have no idea what is prosperity gospel, or its teachings are about, but every single time, I heard one, I wonder if it is a manmade gospel that people choose what they like to hear and do away what they do not like to hear.  I am glad I re-read the book of Job a few times during the Christmas holiday in 2019 while I was in London.  I am glad I studied 1 & 2 Corinthians, Romans, James and 1 Peter during the first lockdown in March and April 2020.  I am so glad that I went through so much suffering in the past during my ministries in CCL that I know clearly that God did allow suffering to His people for various reasons.

I understand there are a group of people who will focus on, "If you are doing good and following every step that the Lord has instructed you to do, you will never need to be in suffering".  I call these people, a 'luxurious missionary', whom do not understand or able to experience the true meaning of 'sharing in Christ's sufferings'.  Are they saying that Jesus could have done something 'wrong' that caused Him the needs to endure suffering and to be put to death? Are they saying that God does not have the power to give us suffering that we need in our spiritual growth and/or to strengthen our relationship with Him? Are they saying that our suffering, if any, is wasted and not part of His will or glory? If God only gives us blessing, how well do we understand and experience how much suffering Jesus endures for us so we are saved by His grace and mercy?  How much we are able to understand how firm we stand if we did not go through suffering in our ministries and in serving our Father in heaven? Is one able to overcome feeling shameful when they suffered for Christ as Christian so God is glorified? How are we going to be trained to rejoice and be glad when we share Christ's sufferings one day when his glory is revealed? If we do not have Christian suffering, is that mean we have chosen the world over Christ? 1 Peter has clearly stated the suffering that a Christian will face and how one should stand firm and overcome as we are facing it. Maybe Peter understands the struggles better than any other disciples because he was put in the hot plate once, which he has no choice but denied Jesus 3 times.  But he quickly repented and Jesus has entrusted him with his ministries later when he rose again.  He experienced the hardship of being Jesus' disciple and endured lots of suffering thereafter but he never loss his focus and even reminded others to stand firm, rejoice, and hopeful, even in all the suffering he has to endure. 

I always think the moment one wants a comfortable life, they will never be able to be a missionary.  They will want comforts, luxury, money, the world because those seem promising.  To follow Christ, it is hard work, it is suffering and it is difficult, even though it is lots of blessing.  Until and unless we know how to accept suffering as Christian as a blessing, I guess, people will not understand what it means by sharing Christ's suffering.  Do not get me wrong.  I am not trying to 'beautified' suffering.  It does not need me to beautified it but it is clearly stated in the Bible that it is a privilege for those who are sharing Christ's suffering.  If one is rejecting Christian suffering, they are basically rejecting His teaching and His divine appointment and blessing.  

I am glad that I was sharing Christ's suffering when I was serving in CCL.  I totally understood how much Jesus must have felt when He was being rejected, accused and blamed.  Even though today, I still upset about what happened, but I am glad somehow that I did not depart from knowing Him more or lose Him.  Instead, God has brought me to see a bigger picture and even strengthen our relationship even stronger.  I am thankful now for those suffering He put in my life for me to experience.  I am thankful that He has shown me how much I need Him for in my life and how much I need to equip myself more in order to serve Him better.  I admitted that I was wrong and I was too weak to stand 'trial' when I was attacked.  Just like Peter, I tried my own way to flee from difficult situations, trying to save ourselves and gave up. But both Peter and I would have known that now that's that is not the end.  It's the beginning of a greater mission.  Just like Job.  No matter how much he thinks he has done so much for Nineveh, God shown Him that, with or without him, God's will will be done anyway.  IT is all, how much we want to be part of it, or rather, how much God allowed and gave us the privilege to be part of it that counts.  

If God allows suffering in your life, it is a privilege and you should embrace it.  By prayer and petition, we all should stand firm, focus well, rely on Him fully in getting through it because it is a way that God shows us how much he cares for us.  There is no need for us to feel despair.  Not everyone has suffered in their lives. 

I later found out that my friend is to go through a spinal surgery the next day.  In my heart, I did laugh because, to me, surgery is NOTHING near 'suffering'.  I have gone through many times and instead of seeing it as suffering, it is how God heals and make us better, physically so we can do more works for Him.  I am, however, still sad that my friend is now immensely believing in the prosperity gospel.  

I do hope one day, soon... she will understand better about suffering and how to share Christ's suffering and looking forward to the day glory is revealed. 

-  Does God allow Suffering - 

Ambition

A friend holds a very high post in her organisation and is one of the significant people in her organisation, and I can feel that she is contented with her achievement, but she always tells me that she wishes she can achieve more and better.  

A few of my friends have been a consultant in the medical fields and not only that they are specialist, but also consulting specialists, and one is also a professor at the university.  A friend is a professor who heads a department at a well-known university in the UK, overseeing the whole department.  Most of my coursemates who graduated with me are now the Senior legal manager of some very big and well-known companies across the globe.  Every time I speak with them, I feel significantly small and useless.  Well, at least that's what the world definition is if we measure our success by our achievement.  To some even being able to get married and have children is part of the definition of success.  

It is probably how the world or rather the majority of people in this world measure success and how life is to be lived in this world.  Being the minority, we can sometimes feel that we are different and not being accepted by others.  Every single human being somehow tried their very best to earn acceptance and respect from others, and somehow, by their own definition, their recognition seems to be measured by popularity and therefore, by all means, human has tried their very best, by using all sorts of methods, trying to gain popularity so they can be recognised and defined as 'successful'.  

I am not trying to mock the success of those who really have put their sweat and blood to earn it from others because I do not have any.  I respect and recognised the sacrifices made by many people in achieving milestones after milestones in their life and be recognised and successful in their lives.  

What I want to say today is that how I wish we all put the same amount of efforts, sweat and blood trying to achieve the recognition and achievement that is defined in God's definition.  In my humble opinion, trying to proves our intelligent with others, trying to argue the thesis and win the approval of man, trying to be the top student or the top employee or the best or richest companies in the world and trying to have the perfect family, and being the richest in the world, but has failed to get approval and recognition by God is futile in achieving the best success in life.  

I am not here to judge others or even myself.  I am here to remind myself that, no matter how much I want to achieve things and how ambitious I can be, but it is not His will, even if I achieved it, it is by my own efforts, that will means it is not in accordance with His will and approval.  I am not a very ambitious person.  In the past years, people asked what I want to achieve, I can tell you, my answer is always, "I just want to walk everyday like my last but everyday to be used by God in His will".  I am not ambitious to be famous or rich. I just want to live a life that I do not have to worry about tomorrow because I know that my life is in His hand.  It hasn't been an easy journey to just trust in Him and let Him guide me through everyday, but over the past 10 years since I took over the firm, God has not in a single month did not provide me and those working with me sufficient fund to survives.  Even during this year, God has provided more than sufficient for us.  

What do I want to achieve in the coming years? I wish He can tell me so I can prepare earlier.  Well, I guess I just need to take my step of faith step by step and see what He installed for me to walk through. 

The famous and richness are not for me.  Those, I am very sure that will not satisfy my soul.  This year, I am well reminded that spending time with Him like Martha, is the only way that my soul be satisfied.  May my desire to know Him and to continue to be close to Him remain forever and ever. That's my only ambition. 

- Ambition - 

Be faithful and fruitful.

I am very bad in any kind of relationship.  I am bad in mother-daughter relationship, very bad with friends, very bad with work colleagues, etc. etc.  Establishing a good and steady relationship to me is tiring and it's NOT worth it.  That's generally my mentality.  It's been 3 months since my mother is staying with me here in KK and I have had numerous occasions trying to win an argument with her because I just think she's too stubborn and at the same time, too rigid in her daily requirements about almost everything.  In short, I do not want to follow her ways.  I want mine to enforced too.  Well, as you can guess, it's not going to work well. Glad that as much as I hate hurting her in any way, she's too worried that she will upset me.  

Keeping a relationship is difficult for me.  This year, I have a trial run about 'keeping a relationship' with a few text messages a day with a friend who stays oversea. Of course, we can call each other pretty easily these days with skype, zoom, facetime, etc.  But that's not what we have been doing.  I don't remember having a long period of time without us texting each other.  Almost every day, we would text each other, even with time differences.  It's interesting of how a relationship is kept by just a simple 'text' every day because my friend is a very important person in her organisation and she is very busy at work and so, we keep the messages short, but without fail.  

Besides the above relationship, I realised, I have been doing the same with God. I have been using some guides in my reading these days.  It's not for daily devotion. It's for bible reading.  Some days, the reading is only 5 verses and some, it's 2 chapters but I have been keeping that daily 'conversation' going on every day without fail.  It's interesting that relationship is to be like this, to be short, but without fail.  To be meaningful, heart to heart, consistently, without fail.  I am on a book of Daniel, on the lesson of Daniel being thrown into the Lion dan and the reading for the first time it put my view parallel to Jesus Christ, where King Darius was like Pontius Pilate.  Anyhow, it all about being faithful and fruitful.  

Therefore, I have been pondering over my own commitment to the Lord.  In my work, in my future, I want to be faithful and fruitful too as the one that I am serving is a living God, the God who gives judgment and the God who will bless and sustain those who are faithful, even with the future is so bleak at the moment.  Lord, in whatever circumstances, help me to be faithful and fruitful (in whatever I do, including keeping my relationship with God), just like Daniel. 

- be faithful and fruitful -