Weddings!!!

Surprise surprise.... I think I am entering into another stage of life where, instead of not attending weddings at all, I do attend some very close friend's wedding.  Wait... not close friends... it's some friends I appreciated.  It's weird.... because not even my brother's wedding I attended and since then, attending wedding is... nothing important and something to be excite about at all.  This month, I just happen to put some efforts to attend 2 weddings.  One, belonging to a friend who always 'around' despite the distance we are at.  Proximity doesn't seems to be something that bothers her to be 'around' of me during the hardest time of my life.  And of course, ever since she is with Michael, I am being included still.... we are not close at all ... but ... I appreciate the inclusion and I wanted to be there during her happiest moment in life... 

The second one I am to attend ... is from someone who has been so successful in her career and somehow who is also not physically around me but has shared her happiest moment with me when Ray proposed ... the whole story was so real and excited.  I haven't met Ray, but I somehow 'know' him because of her.  I feel included in their life and I wanted to witness the happiest moment in their life.  With all efforts made, I received the wonderful invitation card posted to my new address.  That sincerity somehow touched me so much... that I feel being included and being wanted.  It's hard to get included these days because of my sicknesses.  But I am being included anyway.  I appreciate this a lot.  She was my cell member when she was in high school... I haven't seen her for the past 16 years.... and we have not contacted each other until 2 years ago.  

I am attending the weddings for 2 reasons:  

(a)  To witness the happiest moment of those whom I really appreciate; and

(b)  To make sure they understand their vow ... more than the 'needs of getting married' struck in. 

And with the blessing I am going to give to them, I hope and wish the marriage I witnessed last forever... until one of them depart from this world.  

I have attended one so far... and I am going to another one next week.  Can't wait... 

- weddings!!!-

Partner

Am i suppose to have a partner in my firm? I mean, i need a partner... but i cannot affort the 'stress' and risk in my firm/ job.... and my life. I don't think i wanna try to have another partner or close friend to be around to tell me my expectation to them is too high.... to join me as my partner in work, my expectation is even more higher than i am expecting from a friend.... because at all time, i can have less expectation with love.... but i won't love my partner at work.... i will only make them work and bring money into the firm.

I do not want to 'kill' any more people.....

May be i am destined to lives alone.... and lives better alone! Well, at least i managed to get through the darkest moment in my life all by myself!

- partner-

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Put yourself on people's shoes.

Based on how i was treated, i am so eager for the moment that people whom treated me so badly will meet their darkest moment in life.  To make them feeling and being treated exactly how they treated me!  That's my wish for now... i can't wait for the moment to arrive to see how suffering and in pain they are and just stand there not helping, happily going through my happy life without bothering and communicating... and to make them suffer the way they 'created' and made for me to suffer.... i am very sure their dark moment in life will come their way soon... but this time, all i need to is to celebrate and be happy to show them, they deserve it! 

Am i holding a grudge against them? Tell me you wouldn't if you are in my shoes and went through a hell like life created by them which they forced you to walk through it yourself! If you won't, then.... may be you are in a position to judge me. Is this a misunderstanding? At first i thought it was..but not anymore! It's more than 11 months now.. it can't be misunderstanding anymore.  I am waiting... (lets hope i have a long life to wait for it to happen).  I am definitely going to celebrate when that moment arrives. Can't wait!!!

- put yourself on people's shoes -

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