New Chapter!

Well, I guess everything has finally gone past and finally, I managed to get rid of everyone that I loved.  The plan seems working well and I am not worry about suffer sudden death or anything like that.  I forgot to incorporated the firm's money into the Will.  I will need to get that done before anything happen so suddenly.  Hmm... it's a new chapter of life.  Everything around me changed.  It's not been easy but, well... I am "on track" so far.  Let's hope by this month end, I sort out everything and moves on life... 

My last weekend at Kota Kinabalu for this year has just gone past with a wonderful time with relatives... it's a joyous occasion indeed.  I was greatly being 'entertained' by all the kids around... Nice one really! 

Well, guess it's time to move on ... and on and on... and I am grabbing everyday as my last day.  I treasure every moment ... next trip it has to be Australia and then US... then the last trip to England, France and Netherlands if God permits.  Life without friend is not the end of the world.  Life without enjoying God's creation is. Not that I have lots of time... I guess I just need to finish all my dreams... that's all. 

-New Chapter!-

Silence

Jonathan Tse posted a phrase stated "silence is the the wise move" and I commented that it won't be for someone who is being neglected and forgotten. Well, I guess it all goes back to Eccle. in the bible that there's always best timing for everything, that includes being silence and not being silence. I am a forgotten soul in the family. Everyone loves my brother but no one likes me because to all, I am not thinking like an ordinary person and I am not acting like an ordinary person. I remember Andy and Cindy told me that they can't seems to understand my thinking at all. It's that bad.... well, it probably because of the experiences I have that accumulated over the years that made my thinking to be ... different.

Silence, is at most of the time good... but not all the time. Sometimes, by keeping silence and acting in silence, it will cause things to be fatal. I.e. I wouldn't want to tell a soul if i am killing myself now. Furthermore, I won't tell anyone if I am dying... I won't want to tell anyone if I lonely after knowing that making them to be with me means taking their joy away. Joy, is something I misses a lot... and by taking that away from someone would be devastating... and it's going to be last thing I will do.

So, after much efforts and after being treated by silence, I know I am not wanted and there's no one who is willing to be with me at all. By being with me they won't have joy. And so, I have started to love the silence... just because when I cannot change the things that cannot be changed, the only way is to try learning it and embrace it... love it.

Everyone knows... I rather everyone else to be happy than I am happy... and this principles... and characters are from my dad.... and so, I am ok with no one to be around.... I will be ok.... after all, I am sure all these won't last long...

-Silence-

Pushing away?

"We are not trying to leave you, but you are pushing us away". A phrase I remember until today... It's truth. That's what everyone who has depression will do, i.e. trying to push everyone away. But if you really care, would you stay or leave? Well, it's correct... I am trying to push everyone away. EVERYONE .. that's what I mean. I love the silence which I hate dealing with for months. But after getting more and more each day, I am getting used to it.. and I started to love it. Hence, breaking the 'silence' now, will kills me and I might not be able to handle it.

Ya.. am trying to push everyone away....

- Pushing away? -