Since young, I have been known as so and so's daughter, so and so's sister and so and so's niece... and it has been a 'pressure' to me ever since I know that I am being 'known' ... because of the connection I have ... and so, I have always wonder, who can I be if I have no connection with them, i.e., my father, my mother, my brother, my uncles and aunties... hence, the urge of leaving my home town lies on me since the day I entered into secondary school. Trust me, not a single teacher in my primary school doesn't know who I am. I can't be naughty, I can't be showing any attitudes problems and so on. In a way, I am being 'watched' and 'monitored' at all time. That's the kind of pressure I have during my growing up process. Hence, that's the reason why I am trying to avoid being seen, avoid being known, avoid being recognised too.
I remember I used to have this conversation with a friend whom think, it's a privilege to be me... but, not to my opinion... as I really don't think it's a privilege, but it's a pressures. Hmm... if you don't believe me, try ask around if you know who I am... if you don't, mention my dad's name or my brother's name, or my grandparents' name... you will get the 'connection'. hahahaha...
Someone in church tried to be nice this morning to introduce me to a mother and son, and forgetting that, we came from the same town and hehe... yes, we do know each other. I guess... that can't be avoided... huh? Well, many wants to be known ... but for me, I want to be avoided to be known. My rector knows me well... and hence, he never mention my 'connection' with anyone and hence, I love being in this church... but of course, that's something I don't like also... especially I started to be bullied. Hmm... of course, I don't mind them bullying me... but... please do not treat me 'better' after you know who am I really....
Who am I? ... well, I seriously can't run away from being my father's daughter, my brother's sister, my grandparents' granddaughter, my uncles and aunties' niece, can I?
- Who am I? -
