A Joke?

First it was my laptop's keyboard, ... then I thought things solved after I got myself a slim, nice and good to type keyboard. I happily used it for a day or two. Friends were telling me that I should back up my data still just in case, my computer had lung cancer... and although it's 'fixed', cancer cell might have already spreaded to other part of the computer. I have no choice but to tell them that, a funny noise occured on saturday evening when I was using it for my bill payments, etc. I shut down my computer after that and I went to sleep as I was too tired to think of anything.

But I guess things worsen when I switch on my computer the next day morning as my external hard disk has failed to function well. I thought it was just a one time thing, but it wasn't. It persisted... and worse still, this morning, when I want to copy it out all my data to my computer (I still think my computer is safer than my external hard disk now), it has failed to function. hmm... interesting.. and I am stuck now on how to back up all my files.... the supposing back up device has failed to perform its function and at the same time, together with the computer, both corrupted. Lovely isn't it?

I wonder if this is a joke... a dream perhaps? No? So, it's real? ... All right... in order for me to accept the reality, I still need to solve a few things out. I am not using the computer or the hard disk as personal leisure. Hence, there's too many urgent and important documents on the disk. More so, some scanned documents, etc.etc. including precedences for all my cause papers, etc. etc. I uses computer to 'earn' my living... and now, it has corrupted and it's hard to 'do works' or earn a living now... I am tired with all these. Seriously... and to be honest, I am asking God if this is a joke...

Can't He feel that I have enough of all these? Can't He feel that I am tired with my life and things that comes my way? Can't He make things a little bit easier for me? Can't He bless me like how He blessed others?

Don't get me wrong. I am not blaming Him for all the things happen. I am just frustrated of what I missed from Him. I just wonder if He really think I am THAT tough to handle all these thing... what is He trying to say? etc. etc.

People arounds me... they are LOVELY... most of them only demanded me to pay attention to them, to their needs, etc. etc... and they LOVE to blame me if my attention shifted a little bit to some others. When I have a crucial moment like this... hahaha... people do expect me to be able to stand here in my own position and solve all things by myself... fun ho? A friend told me before that I should ASK for help if I do need a help. Otherwise, who will know I need help. I can understand that... but same should go to those who needs my attention... I am not God... I won't be able to understand what you need unless you tell me. If you expect me to speak to you before you speak to me, doesn't that a bit too selfish? I know I can solve almost everything comes my way... but I do need a little bit of encouragment and a little bit of care too... yes?

This is seriously a joke...

- a joke? -

Unpredictable!

I came in to office yesterday morning and started to do work on one of the file. There's no instruction from the court to prepare anything in written form but I do need to prepare somehow just in case the judge ask for it later. While I was preparing, typing, researching, I suddenly realise the text on the screen wasn't that of what I typed. Suddenly, all turned to symbol and therefore, I stop typing... and even that, wording & symbol generated it on the screen by itself. First thing came to mind then was that my computer was infected. I quickly did a scan and it turned out to be free from viruses and/or malwares. With that, I turned off my computer and was trying to restart the computer. I switched on my computer, I saw the ACER logo and thereafter, a loud 'beep' sound which was loud enough to force me to press the button to switch the computer down. I tried it a few time and the same scenario occured and I started to worry about my written submission and/or other files in my computer. To ease my tension, I have no choice but to call my cousin who is the expert. He asked me a few questions and thereafter, he asked me to send the computer to him to do some testing.

Right after I spoke with my cousin on the phone, a friend called telling me she's going home as she's unwell. So, I have then decided to get 2 things done yesterday. Not my written submission because I have no computer to work it out and I have signed everything I should sign and so, I went and send my computer to my cousin's place, then brought my friend for lunch. After that, I decided to go home to get changed as I can predict that I will be busy in the afternoon. Just when I came out from my place, my cousin called to tell me the bad news. The computer's keyboard is faulty and it need to be replaced. But Acer has no stock on that old product anymore so, I might need to carry an external keyboard (I am using the flexible keyboard now...don't try.. it's lousy). Another option is to go around shops to look for a second hand keyboard. You can't believe how 'lucky' I was. For the first time, I found it... but the price is RM280 and it needs 4 to 5 days to ship from KL to KK. On top of that, there's no guarantee of it going to be working. So...

After I came out from my cousin's place around 2pm, I sent my friend to a clinic. She ended up in the clinic for hours... until 5:30pm. And that's what I did while she's suffering in th clinic, to search for my computer's keyboard.

I was feeling hopeless yesterday... with too many things floading in my mind.... so many things that's not within my control, so many things that's happen without warning... and I am just feeling 'tired' of myself, the world, my future, etc. etc.

What should I do with my computer now? ... this external keyboard is slowing down my working process.

- unpredictable -

Mind & Body

Just in case you are wondering why I am a bit 'quiet' these few days, ... it's because I am kind of busy with my research and I hope to finish it by this week. However, my mind doesn't seems cooperative today. It has refused to function since I woke up. I had difficulty even in waking up this morning. My sub-conscious mind told my body that I should wake up, but my body refused. Hence, I only woke up at 7:45am this morning. My body later requested a cup of hot milo and so, I gave a hot milo to it and after that, it still 'lau kai'... wanted to hang around at the small apartment until 8:30am. (In a way, I pushed my body to work this morning)

Came in to office, sort out a few things and let my mind think of some other points with my research and written submission and then, it stopped. It's my mind now refuses to work. Something is very wrong with my body and mind today. I have problem getting them to work together today. It is this reason that I didn't manage to sleep well for the past few days too. Hai... Anyway, I keep on reminding myself that today is Wednesday and if I don't finish at least a bit work by today, I will not be able to finish work by this week. Oh well, now that I have convinced my mind, but my body has refuses to work. Don't ask me why...

Besides this case, my mind has also some other things distrubing it, i.e. a friend who is going to get married in 2 weeks time called me to tell me her fiancee is admitted to hospital suspecting to have either T.B or lung cancer. I have no choice but to HOPE that he has T.B. (I wonder when are all these similar news ever ended).

My mind also keeps on worrying about my existing financial situation. I really praying for a stable one, i.e. to have at least income ...

My mind also worries about many other things... including tonight's cell meeting, how to fill in my tax return form, etc. etc. etc. (I know, I know.... I shall not worry about tomorrow mah... I know woh...)

Hmm... o well... again... I am surviving by grace!

- mind & body -