Planned ahead...

It's amazing how things turned out ... I received a phone call earlier August about teaching law part time at this college and at that moment, I was thinking of getting some extra income to pay off some debts that has been incurred since I enter into this profession. I was therefore preparing all the notes, preparing myself, etc... to start teaching in October. When it started, the issue of me changing firm, etc. also came along and that within a month time, I changed firm. In this new firm, I don't receive salary. I only collect 50% of what I do and of course, 50% is good enough as another 50% will be allocated for office usage including payment of wages to the staffs, office running expenses, etc. However, I will have to expect that I won't get much 'income' for the first few months as I have just started to work on my files on the very prelimenary stage.

This month is tough but God has been a good planner and blessing. Due the part time teaching, at least, I manage to have some income to support my daily living. This whole situation has just reminded me that, God can see things far ahead of me. I don't know what's in my future, but God does. I guess the only thing He asked me to do is to trust and obey and He will arrange the rest for me.

Hmm... isn't He the BEST?

- planned ahead -

Bad of me...

I guess.. after the last conversation with mom 2 weeks ago, I didn't manage to call back. Of course, due to the last conversation, I got my parents to worried about me badly. The only thing I remember saying was that I am quite frustrated with works and situation arounds me and that I feel like quitting. Of course, as usual, they did said something not very positive to me, as if I am the one who wanted to be lawyer in the first place, etc. etc. I remember after I failed my CLP the first time, they actually urged me not to continue, and in fact, they urged to look for job instead. Of course, my first job was fun... but I still take the CLP again the next year. After I got my CLP, I was in the midst of deciding if I should quit the company and go for practice. Some of you do remember that I have to let go of my good paid salary and went for a RM1000 pupillege for 8 months... and later an additional 3 months in Sabah. It's not a very encouraging moment I had... someone, I got through all ... and still surviving today.

However, despite all these, now that I am telling the whole world that I am frustrated with works and wish to change professions, of course most of you will think that I am crazy. I too think it's not a very sensible thinking. What's gone wrong in my mind?

Anyway, since the last conversation with my parents 2 weeks ago, I didn't call home, simply because I know I don't like to hear what they are going to say and I do not want to argue with them at the end. I guess, somehow, I got them worried about me (trust me, this rarely happen). Due to that, my dad sms me at about 2pm today, checking if I am doing fine. I sms him back saying I am fine, just that I am a bit busy. He replied asking me to take care.

Well, it proved a friend's sharing yesterday about even though parents angry at you at time and not really happy with the decision you made, still after a while, they will be able to accept it as they do love us.

Seriously, along the whole journey to become lawyer, I shall say... most of my encouragement comes from myself and the Lord instead of my parents and brother. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying they are not supportive at all. They do and in fact, I really thank them for all that they did. But I guess, in terms of encouragement I got, it seldoms comes from them. Eeerr... may be they don't express it ONLY. hahaha...

Anyway... it's really bad of me.. of making my parents worried about me today!!!!

************************************

By the way, Congratulation to Flora and Desmond on your wedding. I know I know... I promised to be there for like a year ago and you have sincerely invited me. So sorry.... last minute, I just couldn't go away. So many things around and with change of new firm, etc... My apologise!!! I promise, your next trip to KK, it's ALL on me.

- bad -

Timing...

Timing 1: Just this month, I received 4 wedding invitations. Ghoosh... I thought I missed one very important one this month in Tawau, but ... I still get another 4 in KK. It's amazing...!!! I can TRY my very best not to attend 2. But there are 2 which I don't think I can say 'NO' to. Hai... anyway....

Timing 2: For those of you who do CARE about my ankle's condition.... I did went to see doctor today but unfortunately, the doctor was too busy to 'entertain' me. hahaha... I promise I will go again.

Timing 3: As I grew up in church and familiar with ministries... and seldom say NO to anyone who asked me for help, I guess people take it for granted... they expect me to have a higher level of committment then anyone else. Not that I am always free at all time to help them, but because I do set aside time for God. Sadly, some of course, take things for granted and always put other things as their priority and always uses their 'extra' time to serve the Lord. Whenever such situation exist, I'll always be there to help. At least I will try to set aside other things in my schedules to give way to it. Therefore, people start thinking that I am ALWAYS available. I am seriously very tired and as I am still not used to the new environment at my workplace, I guess people just didn't realise what I am going through... and I pulled myself so hard till not only my physical body, but also my mind and emotions are almost to the maximum. I am seriously exhausted. Not in His service, but ... on things coming on my way. All I asked is a week of rest and nothing else but I received a phone call this evening while I was still outside, telling me that no one is WILLING to be on duty this week. I wanted to blame on the bad management and bad leadership at first, but after a while, I just can't be bother. I asked myself, shall I give in or shall I not. But this time, I really cannot because I do have something on tomorrow evening (practice time). I am just wondering... why people can 'sacrifice' me at all time but not others? Why others can say 'no' to His service but not me? Can I say 'no' for once? Please...

(anyway, I am not blaming anyone here... I am just in a very bad stage at the moment. Better don't disturb me so much, thought I can still joke and smile and being crazy).

- timing -