Respect

The understanding of the word opinion differs from one level to another.  I often took the higher standard as my own guidelines when I give my opinion because that’s the first thing I was asked to do when I first started my pupillage. 

Along the way, I forgot that there are many levels when it comes to opinion.

In the law profession, when one asked for an opinion, it involves lots of research and studies before we can issue our opinion to clients and advise them accordingly by giving them options and suggestions weighing between pro and con, depending on their situation and needs.  At the academic level, especially in masters and doctoral levels, we are asked to research specific topics, analyse issues, address them, and form our opinion and stand. If you can suggest a better method, resolution and finding, that would be added advantages. 

Even with lots of research and studies done before we form our opinion, we know that it might be challenged.  Many doctoral students can relate to this as their final thesis is to be published for the public challenge and put on their findings before they can be given the title Doctor (Dr.).  In the law professions, clients tend to pass our opinion to other lawyers to get opinion verified.

It is expected that people can disagree with my opinion or I disagree with their opinion.  It doesn’t mean I have to disrespect your opinion or vice versa.  Being a professional, we are entitled to our own opinion and also to respect other’s opinion. 

However, disagreeing with my opinion and joking with my opinion has a different meaning, in my opinion (you can differ too).  One is with respect, and one is disrespectful.  I understand some people might not have the ability to differentiate the differences between the two. Often, when they joke about it, they think the joke they cracked was of good quality and that people are not entitled to feel disrespectful angry.  

As much as I was trying to keep them cool and explaining the reason for my outrages (feel being disrespected), I was, being handled by their pride and the urge to win the argument (that their joke is perfect and should be accepted). You guessed it right; I didn’t get to tell at all. 

Note that some of these people do not have the knowledge of what opinion and respect means; they refused to listen, and even worse, they started to retaliate and blamed me for attacking them because I was angry (to them, it is unnecessary, and I was totally unreasonable).  All they focus on is their own joy (cracking the jokes they think it is outstanding) and pride (winning the argument that I got angry without a reasonable basis) by refusing to listen.    

I am unable to tolerate people using 'bla bla bla……' or using foul languages in their arguments because it is very disrespectful and offensive to me.   I can accept that they are of such attitudes and characters, but please respect my choice for not accepting those standards and language.  Yes.  I might sound trying to explain myself (your equivalent to 'bla bla bla') because you cannot understand, which I reckoned now that you have no idea of what the words opinion and respect means.  

#opinion #respect #outrage #pride #uneducated #differentlevel #donotactlikeafool 

- Respect - 

Him vs Others - Part 1

I remember a few years ago, I questioned the issue of why and how did I ended up here in KK, doing things that I am not enjoying doing and not earning as much as I am capable of earning.  All my other friends who are now on the corporate ladder seems to be enjoying themselves much better.  No. I mean, look at those lawyers who are like me, they don't have to put on so many efforts and doing that extra bits for clients, etc.  All they need is to send their clerks, their juniors to attend to those signing sessions in the court, those prison visits and all.   My pupil definitely not happy when I asked her to do those extra works because to her, she is a lawyer and she is not a clerk and those are for layperson and clerk, not for the reputable lawyer and therefore, I am always the 'not qualified' lawyer and yes, I don't earn her respect at all.  I don't blame her.  That's the world that we are in.  We feel shameful to be different from others especially in this law profession.  We need to have a posh and expensive car and earning millions because that's what generally a lawyer should have.  Attending to client's signing in court? Paying prisoner or detainee visits in the lockup or prison? That's not exactly what most lawyer's ambition is.  It wasn't mine either, to be honest.  

It was a hectic week with so many errands to run with so many things to be sorted and when I received my cell leader's message to ask me to confirm if I will attend the Cell meeting on-site or via zoom, my heart struggled and thinking, "how about I skip the cell meeting tonight and rest?"  Well, at about 6pm, I decided to attend the cell meeting on-site.  I rushed to finished dinner after cleaning up the whole apartment (after some installation done at home) and shower, and I drove to church for the cell meeting.  I enjoy being with this group of people because they let me know how much we need God and by sharing with them that particular evening, I realised, I have really gone through so much in life and yet, God has been faithful.  

It's Cassandra's first sharing and it's on John 12:37-42. We discussed priority, about choosing between God/His ministries or work/other areas of our life.  I guess it was few weeks if not months ago that I was reminded of this incident many years ago when I first finished my pupillage in KL and was looking for a job in KL.  A law firm called one day, said I was being short-listed and asked if I can go for an interview.  I overjoyed of course and so, I told a few friends including 2 of my friends who were then working at that said firm.  2 of them told me that the litigation department head is not an easy person to deal with and both also said everyone who walked into the interview took only 5 minutes and left.  They told me the Litigation Department Head is very fierce and often they heard him shouting at the junior, etc.  My first thought was, I am a fresh graduate and he's looking for a lawyer with at least 1 year of experience and why did he ask me for an interview? 

I walked into his room and he offered me a seat and I thank him, took my seat and the first question he asked was if I drafted the cover letter myself.  I told him I did and he said, it's impressive and that letter caught his attention and so he asked me for an interview.  I did not know how to respond to his remark, but I told him I thought that's a very usual letter, but thank him for his compliment anyway.  So, he started off by asking me what did I do in my previous firm, asked me about some laws and whether I remember some supporting cases, and all.  I don't think I have answered all his questions correctly, but I gave him an honest answer, i.e. what I know, what I do not know.  He then asked me some general scenario and all, and what do I expect from employer and colleagues and bosses. Trust me, that interview took 2 hours and my 2 friends were very anxious but at the same time, they were curious to know what happened because there's no shouting, there's laughter and discussions.  He showed me the system they have, the research database and all and after 2 hours, he said he can give me an offer right away with a very good salary, but the only catch was, I might need to go back to the office to work on Sunday.  He expects even though there's no urgent matter on Monday, I still need to be in the office to sort out works, preparing beforehand and all.  It was a very good offer and I was offered a good future, a good boss, a good salary.  Seriously, what else a fresh graduate needed? But even I told him, I still need to go to church and only come to the office after church, I can see he is disappointed and he cannot take no as an answer.  He gave me 3 days to think about it and when I called back 3 days later and told him honestly that all I am asking is to have Sunday morning off to go to church, he told me he cannot guarantee this.  I did not take up the job in the end.  

Many said I am stupid and stubborn.  I am sure you are one of them too after reading this.  I feel stupid after that too.  I did not take it not just because I cannot get Sunday off, to be honest.  I did not take the job because first, my potential boss will not understand my priority and wanted me to see work/job as God.  Secondly, I did not take the job because we both have different value about life priorities and that will means, we might have different views in cases we are to handle together and I might struggle through it because I will end up doing works that are contrary to my own principles or beliefs.  Thirdly, I will lose my life or my lifestyle will only consist of works.  Fourthly, even if I win the whole world, what do I get by losing God?  Fifthly, I do not want to give chance for myself to fall because I know how much I can and cannot trust myself (i am just a human).  

I am connected to him on Linkedln these days.  I can see he own his own law firm now and he is doing very well.  But I am surprised to see him engaging a lot with arbitration and mediation.  For someone who is very strong in his litigation skills and actively engaged in litigations matters, it is surprising to really see him meddled down into settling matters out of court.  I hope he put his faith and God in His heart more than winning cases these days.  Yes.  He's a Christian and that's why I find it difficult that he couldn't see why I need to attend church service every Sunday.  I hope my decision the other day made him question his own priority.  

Was I afraid of how people see me after I decline the job offer or was I more afraid that I lose God and doing something that displeases Him? I can tell you honestly that, I am more afraid of losing Him because He controls everything about me and my life, from whether I have money to whether I live my life the next minute.  Did I end up not having a job or unable to excel or be used by Him after I decline that offer? Obviously not.  He remains faithful and He provides all my need.  

Well, for the past 15 years of my practice, from having very low pay to high pay and now, probably no pay for the next few months, God has never stopped providing.  So far, there's not a month that I end up receiving 0 income because He provides and that's how I end up learning to save up for rainy days.  Because of that, the lockdown due to the pandemic did not affect me much and I really thank God for planning this for me since the beginning of my days.  

Do I need to be a very 'successful' lawyer in order for me to lives a godly life? Do I need a very well paid job in order for me to lives a godly life? Do I need to be able to 'see' how well my future be in order for me to lives a godly life?  What kind of life do you want and dream of? Will those stand on any guarantee for you to lives a better life?  

No.  I am not saying it because I am trying to justify my stupidity of letting go of that chance to work for a very senior and successful lawyer who promised me that my future is guaranteed under his watch.  I don't even need any justification because, over the past 15 years, there's so many experiences, walks and life moments that I can share with you about how I walked through and walk with my God, that guarantee, it would be the best moment I ever hope and wish for.  

What do you need in order for you to secure your bright future? 

I stand with, holding on to Him and seek His kingdom first.  

- Him vs Others - Part 1 -

Remembering my GP

This post is specially dedicated to my family GP since I was 4 years old.  Just in case you ask, yes, he is one of those who make sure I survive until today.  A doctor I am afraid of when I first went to see him because he would make sure I speak in English with him, even though I was only 4 years old. From one word to a few words to a sentence and a conversation, and that's how our relationship was developed to more than a GP, but a family friend.  It is him that I have understood what different cultures and races means and how not difficult it is to accept other races and cultures that are so different from ours.  He is a very talented and patient-doctor and yet, can be fierce especially if you are hard-headed and refuse to listen to his advise and continue to harm yourself.  "No no no, you don't do that" as he turns his head the people from India do as he looked you through your eyes when he speaks.  He will sit down slightly to the right at his chair, put his right hand on his chin and in deep thought when he was curious and wonder what happened really.  You can see him in deep thought and then he will walk around at his confined space between his table and cupboard and told me to lie down in the examination bed next to a sink, which he washes his hand and getting ready with his stethoscope, after he called, "Nurse".  Yes.  That's how exactly he examines all his patients almost every single time I went into his room.  

I grew up weak by having a very weak lung, that's mean I easily get cold and cough and fever.  Instead of just prescribing medicines to me and cure me each time, he took me dearly to him and educated me and my parents on what I should prevent and what I should do to improves my lung.  He's like a father who would take times and efforts to make sure things will get better as I grow up.  Sad to say, seeing him less over the past 10 years simply means, I am physically better.  The last time I went to see him, I was having a bad infection and I remember him sitting down, looking at me, taking up my case file and pointed to me and said, do you know you are one of my first patients when this clinic started? The front page of the case file stated, Lin Pei San, 4 years old.  I remember vividly.  He smiled and said, "you are a lawyer now.  I am proud.  Tell me what kind of cases you do?" and so I told him what I did and he said "that took quite a bit of stamina" and I laughed and said, "glad my lung didn't fail on me because I have a good doctor".  He laughed and then he said, just a cold, get some med, not too stressful and rest more.  That's the last time I visited him and the clinic.  I walked out, standing next to a drawing that was hung in this clinic as long as I remember it while waiting for my medicines.  The pharmacist saw me standing there and called me and as I bent down to talk to the pharmacist, she told me she used to saw me from that little window when I was still too short to reach the window.  I told her, it's almost 35 years ago now.  Can't believe time flies and I told her, but everything still looks the same, except you have a new aircon now (not the one that needs to drill a hole kind) and she laughed.  

His clinic will not be the same anymore and I doubt I will be going to the clinic anymore. 

I will have to keep my memory from now on and wish that I can see him again one day.  It's really saddening to learn about his demise.  He has been a very dedicated and loving doctor.  I am missing you already Dr. Kulasingam.  

- Remembering my GP -