Best Christmas break ever!

We are in the second month of 2020 and I returned from UK a month ago after not just a meaningful Christmas, but also with lots of reflection, readings, conversations, discussion, insight sharing.  It's been a fruitful break.  

Over the past years, I have visited UK many times, but with people, that never lives in the UK.  It is difficult for them to understand what I like, why I did what I did, etc and I did not manage to get to do what I want, mostly.  The recent trip was brilliant.  Started a day with me waking up while my friend has left for work in the early morning.  Went to get the Court outfit (my first own purchased outfit) by entering into a manswear shop.  Yeah, guess once again I have to say that, the law profession is still a very man profession rather than unisex professions.  It was rainy and all but overall, I managed to get things sorted and thereafter went to meet up with a friend who's a priest, Matt Hogg in St. Alban, Fulham.  Met the family, had dinner together and I went home after that.  It was a good day and I was glad I was not suffering from any jetlag.  Went home, had a chat with my friend and slept.  The next day, woke up around 8am and decided around 9am to take a train to Bicester to get a few things.  As spontaneous as it was, everything seems smooth.  Got what I want, had lunch and headed back to London, put things down at the flat and off I go to meet my friend for dinner and then to Christmas Choir Carol Concert at All Souls Church, Langham Place.  I was tired and sleepy after dinner, but the Christmas Choir Carol Concert was awesome and so good that made me stay awake till midnight.  It was awesome and it was air live on BBC.  It was seriously good. 

Took the next two days spending time with my friend and her friends and CG members and it was fantastic.  Went for the Lion King musical on Saturday after an Indian meal an went to Christmas Carol Service on Sunday besides the morning service.  Had some time to visit some book stores etc. It's great.  23rd onwards, another friend came (her first time to the UK) and most of the time, we spent time doing what she wants to do.  We went to Kenwood House on 23rd, etc. etc.  It's just celebration of the birth of Christ thereafter until 26th.  Both Liz and I were so tired and we asked her friend to go around places she wants to on the 26th while we rest.  But we slip out for a short shopping at Wimbley in the afternoon and then back to do some online shopping instead.  haha... 

27th we went to Cotswold.  Had dinner at Victoria Station and had banana leaves mutton.  We spent some time sharing, etc. It was a good sharing day.  28th I went out to try to get something and met up with Dawn and Patrick for lunch.  Picked up online purchased at TM Lewin, Oxford Street and then meet up with Liz and her friend for dinner.  

29th. I went to church and after lunch, I took a train to Manchester to visit Janice and family. So great to have visited them for the first time at their home.  We always met somewhere.  Spent a night there and only left on the 31st morning. We had lots of fun on 30th, with yum cha, with steamboat and with playing games with Elina.  Arrived in London on the 31st afternoon, picked up some online shopping, and went straight home.  Put down my stuff and went to get dinner.  Cooked dinner for Liz and spent some time with Liz on new year eve, before we joined her church friends for a drink before the church service at midnight.  It was great.  We came home, clean sleep and the next day, I woke up, sorted things, packed and had lunch and went out for a movie (The Little Women) at ODEON LUXE.  My goodness, it's been such a long time since I had the salted popcorn that I always missed having.  

The events that I will not forget: 

(a) Book was given to me by Liz on my arrival:  Timothy Kelly's "The Prodigy Prophet". 

(b) The numerous church services, carols, concerts, prayer meeting, etc that I had in 2 weeks at All Souls Church, Langham Place

(c) The Christmas message about what Christmas is all about and not about joyous occasions or nativity, etc. The needs of praying for those who are depressed, in grief at this season, how we as Christian is to be around them, etc. during Christmas. 

(d) The end time is near.  

(e) We need to leave the old behind, we need to renounce our sin and be renewed again. 

(f) I was later given the book "The grief observed" by CS Lewis. I was looking for my copy and I think I lost it when I lost all my belonging in the sea in 2000.  Without knowing, Liz got me a copy. 

(g) My 'argument' about I am a sinner and I do not deserves His love, etc.  has resolved. 

(h) My issue of 'prodigy' is found and it's time to resolve it. 

Conclusion

It is important to have a godly friend who knows your struggles and just walk beside you while you struggle and keep silent and praying for God to intervene and talk to me. I am thankful for Him to send me Liz.  Most of the time, I do not need to tell more, she heard it from God and manifested to me instead. 

- Best Christmas break ever! - 

The meaning of Christmas!

December is here!  It's a month where it always full of memories of both good and bad.... and it's the month of the year that I feel utterly lonely most of the years.  It's also a month where I took off for 2 weeks just to relax.  With this year's many encounters in life, I have not taken any holiday except a mission trip to Switzerland in August.  It's as good as a break because I was totally put my mind away from works and merely focus on reaching out, learning new skills and knowledge, and engaging in ministries.  It's a fantastic experience, and it's definitely something I am glad I did it.  Awesomeness couldn't be left without thanking a great friend for journeyed this year with me, including the mission trip of course.  I am glad we went together.

Instead of the usual destination to 'cool' myself down and to regain my 'consciousness' at the year-end break (court recess), I am taking a big step (which fit in well to my this year's resolution - to be closer to God), by:  Be a kid and going HOME for Christmas. I cannot remember when was the last time I celebrated Christmas, which involves being closer to God.  Most probably, I never did right after I returned to Malaysia.  I guess this year is a year I can really enjoy Christmas the way it should be (get close to ponder over His love and being closer to Him) once again.  That's what I am trying to find this Christmas - the first love.  

I am glad my mom allowed me to do this even though I didn't tell her the reason I am going HOME, and she got so shocked that I am.  Well, I guess I do need to be selfish for once, to make sure that nothing hindrance me from being close to God. I am glad a friend is kind enough to offer a place for me to stay and to welcome me HOME (even to book me a taxi to take me from the airport, book me a Christmas Choir Concert, etc.)  I couldn't ask for more, but thankful that He has made everything beautiful this season for me to enjoy in His presence.  

So yes, "Be a kid and go Home for Christmas"!

- the meaning of Christmas! - 

Relationship with God I

It's been a long 'battle' with God this time and just about a week time, I shouted - I surrender. Well, this is me.  My relationship with God always not about "God says A, I do A, God says B, I do B".   I always stand firm on my ground, put on my argument, fight and if I lose (never win), only then I will do what He wants me to do. 

During the 'fight',  people around me will usually hear me voicing out my dissatisfaction about God, numerous reasons (mostly non-sense excuses) and think that I must have lost faith in God or that I have 'departed' with God.  Oh well, I don't blame these people who never understand the relationship I have with God.  

I am not so sure about how you define closeness with God.  I certainly can do anything, even fighting with those I am close with, knowing that no matter how much we fight, we still love each other and talk good about each other in front of any 3rd party.  Well, over and over again, people hear me saying, "He didn't treat me good, He loves others better, He forgot about me, etc. etc".  OH WELL, most of the time, that's what I would say, but deep down in me, I know He has been the faithful God over the years, He has been great, love me as much, provided me everything and I have NOTHING if not because of him.  

It is NOT what I want that is matter.  Day 1 I know this and I know if He intends to take everything away from me, He can do that within a second.  I don't 'earn' anything that I have today with my own ability, it is all by His grace and mercy as well as His love. 

In the past 3 weeks, this message about me being of little faith (Thomas) keeps appearing... fear overtook me every single time when He says, just put down everything and let me lead you because immediately my mind wander around about being back to the poor me again, needing to just work as a hard labour and eat only 1 meal a day, without shelter, without bed, etc.  But God again and again said, I should have more faith in Him.  After all, what I have today, it is from Him, not from my own ability and efforts.  It's all by His grace and mercy and I just have to trust Him.  At one point, I am afraid, and another, I cannot wait to know what's next.  

My mind, the conscious and knowledgable minds, always trying my best to comprehend what can and cannot be done, what should and shouldn't be done... and that's the same mind and brain that cause me to have less and less faith in the past months, if not years to have lose faith in Him and His guidance.  Really? By being a lawyer, my future is GUARANTEED? By being something else, my future is NOT guaranteed? Really? 

I came to the conclusion that I surrendered myself and truly understand that this verse means: I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me…  GALATIANS 2:20, 

I seriously praying very hard these days, knowing that by the end of May 2020, things will be different.  I only know the time frame, not knowing what's next.  Again, I guess I just have to focus on the works that I need to handle for now and wait for Him to direct my next step.  Well, whatever it is, I am getting myself ready for it.

- Relationship with God I -