Friend and selfishness

I do realised, there are people who tend to make sure they are close to certain people and that's all.  They are not open to accept anymore new friends.  They eliminated their friends and they tend to only accept some and rejected some.  I am generally.... sees everyone i know as friend.  I don't because of one of two people arounds me who think A is weird and bad and hence, I don't see A as friend.  I always think, if B & C cannot regard A as friend, it's just B & C and I might be different and I might be able to click with A.  I don't know.. I don't see friendship as that complicated.

It's always an issue of friendship and relationship when it comes to people.  Ja seems not to happy to get along with L and L doesn't seems to like Jo and Jo doesn't seem to like P and P doesn't seem to like Ja and V and it goes round and round and round to a point, I don't know what truthfulness in friendship is.

I thought there will be people arounds me, who is really good and nice and truthful.  Not until when I get along with others whom i thought the more the merrier, it makes a U turn over things.  Everything collapsed and i am forced to either to choose A or B.  I hate people pushing me to choose in between.  I am not sure why friendship/relationship can be so complicated that one has to choose in between and not to get along TOGETHER.  I love being a group or a gang of people.  I hates being pushed to only get myself into a friendship with ONE single person.  I don't know what's the benefit for me to have only one friend, in that case.  I am definitely doesn't belong to anyone.  Otherwise, I would have married by now (or may be i should then no one else can 'own' me).  It's just weird that, for the past few months, just because one person cannot accept another person, I have lost a bunch of friends.  Everything built for the past few years, if not months..... has collapsed and became NOTHING.

Weird but truth.  I can only say, i am TIRED with all these non-sense.  Enough of non-sense and it's time to move on.  I guess, the principle remained.  Living a life of my own is good.  A peaceful and quiet birthday this year, with no celebration, lives as usual and eat a cake i choose for myself and finished half of it myself (going to finish all tonight), focus on my assignment and work and that's about it.

Life, as it goes older, getting more ridiculous.  I don't know why it's my burden to bear their failure.  No. Not that I don't love them.  I love them too much until they took advantage of me i think. It's time to stop all these ridiculous issues and move on life without regret.  Do what I like with people I like better will do.  I can't bear selfishness.

Instead of more friends, I did end up with less these days because of selfishness and unwilling to love more.  I think I will never get it.  But I guess it's better now.  It's always best to spend more time with old friends who came back from oversea, over the CNY.  It reminds me I need to pay them a visit soon... hehe

- Friend and selfishness -

Fighting

As usual, it's Chinese New Year and the news came that my brother and his family will be going home for Chinese New Year.  I forgot how much frustration i can get whenever they are around.  I once told myself, I should not stay with them more than 3 days, but I forgot all about it.

They came back for 5 days.  Each time they are back, there's something we need to fix after they left.  Last year was a new wok.  I have to purchased a new wok for my mom because one of them don't know how to wash a non-stick wok and I seriously have no idea how it happen.  This year, I suffer a total of 4 days without a proper shower head.  Some bloody itchy hand does that obviously and it spoiled the shower head and it's just bad.

I am not trained or raised to do nothing and being SERVED.  From my brother, it's already bad, but i did not know my sister in law is equally bad and so, the children is TERRIBLE too.  The girl completely like a princess not knowing how to do a simple task and she never listen to anyone's teaching.  She just want to be who she is.  Seeking attention is all she knows and character is as bad as her mother.  The son is better.... at least when I call him to get things done, he will get it done, properly.  If he doesn't know how to do it, he will ask, listen and do it. Chinese New year to me is ... being a maid.  Not that I do not want to help out my mom.  But seeing my mom not having them around for meals sucks.  They really treat it like a hotel.  When they reach home, they go to their room and never shows up until they are about to leave the house for their 'enjoyable event'.

With all the assignment, tutorials and studies going on, I seriously feel very lonely and sad.  I wasn't sure why I was in Tawau.  Anyhow, guess not many realised, I didn't attend church. It's just not a place to be at anymore.  It's time to move on seriously....

So, it is time to move on with assignment and all ... trying to finish all my tasks ...  and disregards whether I do it well or not.  The new system is not as good as previous one and I certainly don't know if i can pass this one.  More so, this assignment is rather ... too much to chew and digest.

All I can say is, it's a challenging year ahead.  Lord, have mercy on me!

- Fighting -

Selfishness!

It was a four lanes road with the most right turning to right or making a U turn.  The lane next to it is to either turn right or go straight.  Cars coming from afar would be able to choose their path accordingly.  There's always a way to get you back to where you were suppose to go if you went into a wrong lane.  i.e.  if you are on the second right lane and you want a U turn, all you need to is to go straight and make a U turn in front instead.  This particular of car is annoying.  We all queue because somehow, KK people tend not to know how to make a U turn and it's always slow.  This black car came all the way with speed, pass through a lot of car and trying to cut in to the right lane, where i was, from the second right.  His intention was not known to me because the car was just right behind me and it's signal was in my blind spot.  It turned without consideration, thinking I would have seen his signal and will obliged to allow him to cut in the lane.  I went pass him, be it intentionally or unintentionally, it was MY lane and my turn.  Without any consideration, he raised his horn and horned me.  I was puzzled, brake and he horned again.  I wonder, what sort of people this is.... he went into a wrong lane himself and yet, when people didn't give in to his way, he got angry with OTHERS ? Selfishness.
Some people somehow, made a mistake, and they thought by saying sorry and all that they did will be wipe away and all that responsibilities can now be shifted and handed over to others.  I wonder how it works.  Unless the person never understood how that mistake they made has caused others to feel and handle.  Selfishness exactly.  They only think about themselves.  When things are not in their ways, there it goes, they put all the blames to others.  They never put themselves into others shoes and think how others would have handle and now, what to do.  Unfortunately, we human is not like a toy, we came with emotions, feelings, spirits and soul.  We cannot mend things just by sawing it up.
There's something I am born with, which I guess not many would understand., that is NOT selfishness.  The needs of others is what I usually noticed and took heart on.  You can't force me or push me to NOT to attend to others need.  And priorities goes to the one in need the most.  It's something bad obviously.  It's always others and not myself.
My mom was telling me she called my brother and scolded him for not updating her what's going on with him and his family, etc.  and she said my brother replied her saying, he is born that way.  Always only being selfish.  True enough.  He is and he always is.  Hence, he always acted like a boss and in him, it is only him him him.  I am just totally opposite.
However, after today, I have decided that, i will NOT bother much about him and his family needs.  I will just answer " I am sorry, I cannot afford and I can't help much".
If I ever get depressed, it's going to be from the same reason, that is PEOPLE.
Speaking of selfishness, it is time to be selfish and treat myself better.  Anything that hindrance me shall be pushed away completely.

- selfishness -