Slap of my face!

Ever since 1 Jan, things around me seems changed a lot.  Suddenly, I felt like I got slap on my face and I suddenly realised a lot of thing happened and happening.
I took a taxi home when I arrived KK after a trip to Tawau yesterday for court hearing this morning. While I was on the way, I was pondering over how often have I done this.  i.e. going in and out of KK all by myself.  Handling work, every pieces of my work alone.  Sorting every single thing of my life alone. It's has been years now that I do things all by myself.  Without a single help, without telling anyone what I want and wish to do, etc. Even to Tongud Land office alone? hmm.... that kept me ponder.
With my kind of life and with those 'freedom' I cannot lives without, I guess that sums up why I cannot commit into a relationship.  However, I am wondering.... how long can I continue with this kind of life. I am feeling tired .... May be it is time to make a change.
- Slap of my face! -

Randomness ...

It's probably due to age or my physical ability, I realised I need lot of time for myself; to read, to rest, to study, to hibernate. I spent yesterday evening with 2 couples, after all that happen in the past month and I have cancelled the fellowship/meeting/dinner on 31st December because all of them was made compulsory to attend the prayer meeting at Mt. Kokol Prayer Summit.  I seriously don't know when can we have the replacement done before Jenny and Danny leaving to KL.  However, as much as I wanted to organise another fellowship, i am just feeling 'tired' and lack of energy to do it. May be I am just too tired and not motivated.
It's seriously sad to have them moving to KL seriously.  At least, I will lost someone who can go play pool with me.  Missing to see my another God daughter to be born is also not nice.  Anyway, everyone is moving on with life.  I shall too... and I am expecting to adjust myself to focus on my studies more in the coming 2 years.  I don't think it is going to be easy especially resources is so limited here in KK, i.e. as good as NONE.
At the same time, work is getting lesser and lesser and I do get disturbed by it.  However, I am always reminded by my fellow colleagues that all we need is to trust His providence, of which, I have had the privilege to experienced how faithful He was and is to me over the past few years.
Well, let's stick to the PLAN.  Lives everyday as it is the last.
- Randomness ... -

New year 2014

A last minute unplanned decision.  I bought my ticket a day before and left Kota Kinabalu on 31st December 2013 and landed in Kuala Lumpur 2 1/2 hours later. Spent the last few hours of 2013 at Bandar Sunway and Faith Christian Centre with a bunch of good and die hard friends. I cannot remember when was the last time I am these happy and have had spent happy moments with friends. But these unplanned trip is really eventful.

Though the idea was sort of set off by HZ's issues of unsettled transfer arrangement, but it gave me Ll the opportunity and reason to be here to celebrate new year 2014 with her and the rest of die hard friends. I consider this a privilege to be able to celebrate new year with her as I have not been around her for years now. Loving her and at the same time trying to keep a distance with her so she won't feel vulnerable or hurt by me is hard. But to know that she is moving in her life chapter by chapter happily, it is comforting enough. I know God is blessing and taking care of her well. Hope this new chapter of her life wins God's approval nevertheless. 

For myself, this year is not going to be the same anymore. Life moves on and so do all my plans ahead. Studies is going to be hard, so are works. I need more strength from the Lord. And I wish there's changes at home too! 

Lord, I hereby commit 2014 to you. Prosper me, guide me, protect every steps of my life. 

- new year -