The beginning....

I have decided that i will put everything in 2011 behind me and start a new life and journey in 2012.  After a 6 months test on the running of the firm, i know God wants me to continue running the firm myself even though i have to worry about getting income, lets not mention about profit. My aim remains as "blessing others through what i do". To run my own firm is also mean i am controlling the amount of stress i might not be able to take anymore. i.e, i rather pay someone to attend cour for me if i am too worry about that. For church, regardless of whatevef issues, i am doing whatever that i feel comfortable with, i.e., doesn't care much about the consequences and all.  For people that i have lost, i am putting a full stop in trying to gain them back. Efforts made and that's it. Wish them well and clean the dust of my shoes and leave. i have made myself return to ME after one year ... (that's the deadline i gave myself anyway). On the first day of 2012, it marks the new beginning, the new challenge ahead and the new breakthrough in life....with God. This year, my only resolution is, be nice to myself, enjoy life to the fullest and breakthrough in the journey with God!

- The beginning-

First Time in 2011

1.            First time, I was feeling so depressed to a point I want to kill myself and think there’s no hope in   this world for me (first time I have attempted suicide).

2.            First time, I have not attended church for more than 2 times in a year.

3.            First time, I am denied by church and friends.

4.            First time, I am not serving God in His church.

5.            First time, I have lost close friends in my life.

6.            First time, I have owned a condominium that’s fully under my name.

7.            First time, I have owned my own Law firm.

8.            First time, I have taken a plane for more than 80 times in a year.

9.            First time, my account is overdrawn – bankrupt.

10.          First time, I was not working for 6 months and yet still survive with abundant blessing.

11.          First time, I visited mainland China (first time I got my China Visa).

12.          First time, I visited Australia (Perth to be exact – first time I got an Australia visa).

13.          First time, I have lost my mind.

14.          First time, I played and own a Wii.

15.          First time, I played x-box (Kinect)

16.          First time, I feel anxious of losing my mind/ life.

17.          First time, I purchased a spectacles more than RM1,000.00

18.          First time, I purchased a camera that’s more than RM6,000.00

19.          First time, I have enjoyed such a wonderful wedding ceremony and dinner (Denise and Ray’s)

20.          First time, I refuse to be taken granted for by clients and friends in my life (refuse to give in)

21.          First time, to own a tablet – Asus Transformer.

22.          First time, I have hurt someone’s feeling so badly.

23.          First time, I feel lonely.

24.          First time, I enjoyed my Christmas so much.

25.          First time, I managed to push away toxic friends from my life.

26.          First time, I put a knife through my body and saw blood flowing out and feel good about it.

27.          First time, I asked for help and no one cares.

28.          First time, I enjoy being a lawyer.

29.          First time, I took advantage of others and not the other way round.

30.          First time, I feel good being evil and bad.

31.          First time, I was so anxious after being threaten.

32.          First time, I visited a Psychiatric clinic.

33.          First time, I didn’t achieve what I planned for this year and I managed to achieved more than what I planned. 

34.          First time, I am called as witness for a Civil litigation case.

35.          First time, I am subpoena. 

36.          First time, I am registered as a Trademark Agent.

37.          First time, I get queried by Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri over the Tax I submitted for the past 5 years. 

38.        First time, I don’t like being sick (previously, sickness to me is nothing because I am always weak and sick since baby)

39.          First time, I was so angry with what others did on me and yet I still love them heaps.

40.          First time, I feel useless, to people and to God.

41.          First time, I think for myself (being selfish) and not others first.

42.          First time, I do not feel regret of what I did, even though I hurt someone badly. 

43.          First time, I visited Pubs more than church.

44.          First time, I felt so hurt to the point I want to kill someone (a good feel of what provocation means).

45.          First time, I wanted to revenge.

46.          First time, I can’t communicate with my dad and get advice from him.

47.          First time, I think I made right choices in life.

48.          First time, I feel that all my non-Christian friends are much better than all my so called Christian “friends”. 

49.          First time, I am so discouraged by church and priests.

50.          First time, I can see how far my future can goes and can’t wait for it to come. 

51.          First time, I travelled by China Airlines.

52.          First time, I didn’t play squash for a year.

53.          First time, my mother apologizes to me.

54.          First time, I told my dad at least few times in a year that I love him.

55.          First time, I have cried for a year continuously.

56.          First time, my heart was broken so badly.

57.          First time, I was worried so much until I couldn’t sleep even with sleeping pills.

58.          First time, I purchased furniture from IKEA and shipped it back.

59.          First time, I have ipod shuffle (two).

60.          First time, I have a double bed. 

Merry Christmas!

No matter how you are going to celebrate christmas, no matter how much christmas mean to you, no matter where you are, what are you going through, just want to wish you have a wonderful and merry christmas! I want to also take this opportunity to ask you for your forgiveness over what I did for the past 1 year in your life, whatever that gave you pain and suffering.  I am sorry.  I am truly sorry for what I did!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!