Put yourself on people's shoes.

Based on how i was treated, i am so eager for the moment that people whom treated me so badly will meet their darkest moment in life.  To make them feeling and being treated exactly how they treated me!  That's my wish for now... i can't wait for the moment to arrive to see how suffering and in pain they are and just stand there not helping, happily going through my happy life without bothering and communicating... and to make them suffer the way they 'created' and made for me to suffer.... i am very sure their dark moment in life will come their way soon... but this time, all i need to is to celebrate and be happy to show them, they deserve it! 

Am i holding a grudge against them? Tell me you wouldn't if you are in my shoes and went through a hell like life created by them which they forced you to walk through it yourself! If you won't, then.... may be you are in a position to judge me. Is this a misunderstanding? At first i thought it was..but not anymore! It's more than 11 months now.. it can't be misunderstanding anymore.  I am waiting... (lets hope i have a long life to wait for it to happen).  I am definitely going to celebrate when that moment arrives. Can't wait!!!

- put yourself on people's shoes -

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I have decided!

I guess this is the first time I managed to tell someone what really caused me depressed.  I hate to admit it, but, it is.. the church.  This is my 6th years in KK.  When I was at the last week in FCC, Bishop John was in KL and he prayed for me departure and arrival in KK.  Hence, he came to know that I am coming back to Sabah for good.  I didn't attend CCL straight even though I knew before hand that he's going to be the rector there.  During the training, Rev Sng has also invited to CCL a couple of times but I have refused, simply because I do know lots of people in ASC and I think it would be easier for me to adapt.  After a few months of attending ASC, on one sunday, by invitation by a 3rd party, I went to CCL.  Bishop John saw me but has not purposely welcome me... and he do know me well that I do not like to be 'known' too much.  That sunday evening, was an ordination service and as usual, I attended.  Bishop John asked me how did I feel about CCL.  I told him and he invited me to go again when I want to.  

I prayed about it for a few weeks... and I was convinced that ASC is probably not a church that I will grow in.  But I was so convicted and convinced by God that to attend CCL, I am to help that church to grow .... with, or without Bishop John's presence.  With Bishop Vun's approval and consent, I have transferred to CCL with the condition that I will still help the Diocese in any event if they needed me.  I then was still holding a post as warrant officer at the Girls Brigade.  I told myself, I will remain in this church and serve Him faithfully no matter who the priest in charge or rector is... until and unless God send me to somewhere else.  

I must say, for 6 years of serving Him in this church, I have never loose faith in Him and the people in CCL.  But unfortunately, these 6 years of ministries has caused me feeling so depressed and so upset and so discouraged.  At the end, it's not me who gave up on CCL.  It's CCL who gave up on me first...  Just because of my promise to God 6 years ago, I was trying so hard to go back to CCL over the past few months... but I guess I am greatly being rejected and hence... I have decided to give up on CCL.  

I still hope this church will grow... but I will not serve God in this church anymore.  

- I have decided! - 

What to be consider?

What exactly you need to consider when you are in a relationship and about to commit into a life long commitment?  No.  I am not the best person whom can give you a good advice because I am not the one who is so adventurous and to be able to step the step into such a huge commitment in life.  Call me 'chicken'.  I am just not as brave.  For a simple reason... that I am contented with my current situation and if this relationship thingy or life long commitment is not going to give me better life than my current situation, .. i would rather not to step out that step.  A smart friend used to told me this when I told her I am in a relationship.  Her only question was "is he good for you?".  I guess that question is very much valid.  If he is not going to give you anything 'better' or 'good', may be you should re-consider it.  After knowing that my dear brother who just passed away 2 weeks ago which suffered such pain for the past 8 years after marrying his wife, is really upsetting... I wonder why such a nice man deserve such outcome by just one decision he made? The worse is to seeing his children in suffering now and yet, we can't help much.... I am just feeling so upset over this issue... 

- What to be consider? -