Out of control or In the hand of God?

There are many times, we thought we can handle certain things in our life and that once it falls within what we expect, we are telling ourselves that God blessed us and/or it is everything in order.  There are however, many times in life, when things not happen in accordance to our wish and/or expectation, we started to blame God and to think it's our of our hand and that God is the one who control over things.. and we started to push everything back to God.  

Is our life belong to God? This year has been a very challenging year for me.  God has taken everything away from me... at first, but He has somehow restored it all with double portion to me when things started to fall apart.  By looking at what had happen and what is still happening, I do not know whether I should consider things is out of hand/control or that He has planned it all and blessed me.  It is the first time, I realised, work/income is so tiny of a thing in my life.  For 6 months of not working, I am not only alive without adjudicate bankrupt, but I have received more than what I never imagine I would have.  My friend told me my God is not fair.  She needs to work day in day out to feed her family, her workers, and yet me... I have rested at least 6 months.  I don't think anyone can have that 'luxury' of not working for 6 months and still survive... in additional to that, after the 6 months, I was given a firm, many more incomes, a condominium, etc. etc. 

I am now confused.  By not attending church, left all these people who hurt me, it seems like, that's how much I get more closer to God.  My eldest and respected cousin sister told me "stay away from all the people who dragged me down and stay away from negative people".  It's hard to consider that they are in those category.. but, somehow when I managed to, God shows me and told me that, "all i have done previously was for Him".  So if anyone who goes against me, they were against God.  For 6 years, I did so much for the Lord, no one recognised and acknowledged my efforts done.... not a word of 'thank you'.  That's all right... God has stepped in now and pat on my shoulder and tell me "you are my good and faithful servant.  I appreciated what you did for Me and your work has finished".  

Just when I think everything is out of control, I then realised, everything falls in His hand... 

-Out of control or in the hand of God? - 

Why?

I am at the age where most of my friends have already married for years and with children, etc.... and that's because i am single, i have somehow become their 'target' of sharing. Almost everyone i met any/or i received call from these days, are those who just wanna find some 'outlet' to share about their problem as a wife, as a daughter in law. Some, for the first time after 14 years of marriage, has finally cannot stand the hurts their spouse did and wanted to give up the marriage.  Some, complain some characteristic of their spouse that they cannot accept, some, complain that their spouse is no longer sexy and too fat, some complain their spouse refuse to have sex with them, some complain their spouse doesn't care much about their children or their family members, some, complain their spouse didn't care about them more than their spouse's siblings, some complain their spouse did not help them with housework or taking care or teaching their children, some even regret marrying their spouse, etc etc... the worse is, after some of their children who has grown up, one of them think their responsibility for their spouse is over and they look for other partnerjust to fulfill their lust.  Just when i thought these kind of things only happen to those who has married for years, to my horror, i found out a friend who just got married 2 years ago has suffer from the result of marriage and all he told me when he knows i went for mission trip and all was, he regret marrying and he kids.  He wish he is single.

I have also encounter people who tells me they can't wait to get married. Those, who think only by marrying, their life is complete.  I hav always been in this category. Twice i was at the stage of getting married and twice, i wasn't able to do it. I called both times, my problem. I guess i just have difficulties to commit and i just think nothing, no one will last. And if my love one and spouse fall sick and i have to take up all the responsibility and to take care of him, i won't be able totake it.  Losing friends already gave me so strong of an impact in life, and what more if i am losing my love one?

But i cannot understand those who has taken up the responsibility and only relised all these foreseeable certainty that set in to their life now. If they have agreed to get married, why make such a big issue now, after so many years of marriage? No one force them to married. They choose it themselves and now they regret? As if, their have a choice now because this world now allow married people to escape from their vow and divorce only by costing them a few thousands?

I don't get it.... why people getting married for these days... for lust? For temperory satisfaction and pride? Where is the love that says, it can cover all sins and imperfection?

-why?-

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New Chapter!

Well, I guess everything has finally gone past and finally, I managed to get rid of everyone that I loved.  The plan seems working well and I am not worry about suffer sudden death or anything like that.  I forgot to incorporated the firm's money into the Will.  I will need to get that done before anything happen so suddenly.  Hmm... it's a new chapter of life.  Everything around me changed.  It's not been easy but, well... I am "on track" so far.  Let's hope by this month end, I sort out everything and moves on life... 

My last weekend at Kota Kinabalu for this year has just gone past with a wonderful time with relatives... it's a joyous occasion indeed.  I was greatly being 'entertained' by all the kids around... Nice one really! 

Well, guess it's time to move on ... and on and on... and I am grabbing everyday as my last day.  I treasure every moment ... next trip it has to be Australia and then US... then the last trip to England, France and Netherlands if God permits.  Life without friend is not the end of the world.  Life without enjoying God's creation is. Not that I have lots of time... I guess I just need to finish all my dreams... that's all. 

-New Chapter!-