Why?

I am at the age where most of my friends have already married for years and with children, etc.... and that's because i am single, i have somehow become their 'target' of sharing. Almost everyone i met any/or i received call from these days, are those who just wanna find some 'outlet' to share about their problem as a wife, as a daughter in law. Some, for the first time after 14 years of marriage, has finally cannot stand the hurts their spouse did and wanted to give up the marriage.  Some, complain some characteristic of their spouse that they cannot accept, some, complain that their spouse is no longer sexy and too fat, some complain their spouse refuse to have sex with them, some complain their spouse doesn't care much about their children or their family members, some, complain their spouse didn't care about them more than their spouse's siblings, some complain their spouse did not help them with housework or taking care or teaching their children, some even regret marrying their spouse, etc etc... the worse is, after some of their children who has grown up, one of them think their responsibility for their spouse is over and they look for other partnerjust to fulfill their lust.  Just when i thought these kind of things only happen to those who has married for years, to my horror, i found out a friend who just got married 2 years ago has suffer from the result of marriage and all he told me when he knows i went for mission trip and all was, he regret marrying and he kids.  He wish he is single.

I have also encounter people who tells me they can't wait to get married. Those, who think only by marrying, their life is complete.  I hav always been in this category. Twice i was at the stage of getting married and twice, i wasn't able to do it. I called both times, my problem. I guess i just have difficulties to commit and i just think nothing, no one will last. And if my love one and spouse fall sick and i have to take up all the responsibility and to take care of him, i won't be able totake it.  Losing friends already gave me so strong of an impact in life, and what more if i am losing my love one?

But i cannot understand those who has taken up the responsibility and only relised all these foreseeable certainty that set in to their life now. If they have agreed to get married, why make such a big issue now, after so many years of marriage? No one force them to married. They choose it themselves and now they regret? As if, their have a choice now because this world now allow married people to escape from their vow and divorce only by costing them a few thousands?

I don't get it.... why people getting married for these days... for lust? For temperory satisfaction and pride? Where is the love that says, it can cover all sins and imperfection?

-why?-

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.1

New Chapter!

Well, I guess everything has finally gone past and finally, I managed to get rid of everyone that I loved.  The plan seems working well and I am not worry about suffer sudden death or anything like that.  I forgot to incorporated the firm's money into the Will.  I will need to get that done before anything happen so suddenly.  Hmm... it's a new chapter of life.  Everything around me changed.  It's not been easy but, well... I am "on track" so far.  Let's hope by this month end, I sort out everything and moves on life... 

My last weekend at Kota Kinabalu for this year has just gone past with a wonderful time with relatives... it's a joyous occasion indeed.  I was greatly being 'entertained' by all the kids around... Nice one really! 

Well, guess it's time to move on ... and on and on... and I am grabbing everyday as my last day.  I treasure every moment ... next trip it has to be Australia and then US... then the last trip to England, France and Netherlands if God permits.  Life without friend is not the end of the world.  Life without enjoying God's creation is. Not that I have lots of time... I guess I just need to finish all my dreams... that's all. 

-New Chapter!-

Silence

Jonathan Tse posted a phrase stated "silence is the the wise move" and I commented that it won't be for someone who is being neglected and forgotten. Well, I guess it all goes back to Eccle. in the bible that there's always best timing for everything, that includes being silence and not being silence. I am a forgotten soul in the family. Everyone loves my brother but no one likes me because to all, I am not thinking like an ordinary person and I am not acting like an ordinary person. I remember Andy and Cindy told me that they can't seems to understand my thinking at all. It's that bad.... well, it probably because of the experiences I have that accumulated over the years that made my thinking to be ... different.

Silence, is at most of the time good... but not all the time. Sometimes, by keeping silence and acting in silence, it will cause things to be fatal. I.e. I wouldn't want to tell a soul if i am killing myself now. Furthermore, I won't tell anyone if I am dying... I won't want to tell anyone if I lonely after knowing that making them to be with me means taking their joy away. Joy, is something I misses a lot... and by taking that away from someone would be devastating... and it's going to be last thing I will do.

So, after much efforts and after being treated by silence, I know I am not wanted and there's no one who is willing to be with me at all. By being with me they won't have joy. And so, I have started to love the silence... just because when I cannot change the things that cannot be changed, the only way is to try learning it and embrace it... love it.

Everyone knows... I rather everyone else to be happy than I am happy... and this principles... and characters are from my dad.... and so, I am ok with no one to be around.... I will be ok.... after all, I am sure all these won't last long...

-Silence-