I always have confidence issue. I always questions if I can do things correctly, rightly, etc. etc. So as this morning's case. I was shaken when I saw my opponent came in with a lots of cases in his hand and I sort of terrified by his look and his action, etc. I was terrified because I suddenly find my own confidence ran away. We waited for about an hour (You should have realised by now that I was biting my finger nails for at least 20 minutes if not an hour) before my case was called. I walked away from being able to be seen by my opponent after a 30 minutes of waiting as I didn't want him to know how nervous I was. Well, as I sat down at the corner chatting with a chambering student, I felt better and only then I realise, it's not that I didn't prepare myself well enough for this morning's matter. It's just lost of confidence after I saw my opponent carried a lots of cases with him. Then I started to gain my focus... not on the paper by on God. There must be a reason the case before us took such a long time. Hence, I took out my documents and case and read thought it. Seriously, I wasn't convinced after I finished reading it though. I can almost predict what my opponent's defence are going to be. Well, I prayed a little prayer and when I just finished, I heard my name being called. Time to go in. Well, I was nervous and obviously, the judge realise that too and he too know I am kind of 'new' compare to my opponent. To cut the story short, my oral submission was not as good as the opponent's submission. While I was waiting for the decision from the Judge (while he took about 15 minutes to write his judgment), I already preparing myself of what to tell my client if I didn't get what I am asking for. But when the judge told me he granted me the application, I wasn't really feeling 'happy', but relief.... of all the poor submission I gave... well, ... I am thankful. My opponent immediately gave a remark by saying that the judge should look at some point of law he raised, etc. etc. Well, the judge noticed his dissatisfaction and asked him to appeal to the higher court instead if he is not happy but for now, I got what I apply for. *Phew... *
I walked out of the court room and thought of the same issue a friend raised few days ago, of no confidence enough to drive a car. I recalled we 'call' her confidence back to her for a few hours and we urged her to drive her car. I guess, confidence ... doesn't 'come back' when we 'call' for it... but confidence come and remain when we practice things more. While my friend ("V") was driving yesterday from Kota Marudu back to her own house (I am seriously impressed), I told her a story about my experience of driving long distant, I drove the whole family back from Lahad Datu to Tawau, .... and together with my family, I had along with me all my uncles and aunties... all who think I shouldn't be driving then. They laughed at me, made fun of me and my driving for not being able to overtake big truck in front of me, etc. etc. I still remember what my dad taught me about overtaking a car, of what I should be careful about, etc... and it was a 'stressful' day. We reached Tawau about 2 hours late because it was me to drove. (Mind you, I just got my driving licence not long before this) hahaha.. well, but I am fine with overtaking cars and long distant driving now because I practice them more and my confidence build up. Well, not only about driving a car, but also playing guitar... to many, it's not easy to just take a guitar and play for praise and worship without practising before... but I have confidence that I will be able to do that because I used to play my guitar every day and practice it like mad...
Hence, I am reminded today... that even in my court matters, in driving a car, confidence build up when we practice them MORE. Agree?
- confidence -
