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I did put up something last night... but I took it down after 6 hours on the internet.... simply because I think I was too emotional. Oh well, I shouldn't have written anything now also... so, excuse me... I think I will write only when I am ready to write...

- ? -

Lonely

There few days, I have been bugged with the issue of loneliness. I can't remember the last time I felt that because I always love to be alone, doing my own things... and with that, at least I won't offend anyone (yes. I always think it is better for me not to meet people because I always offend people arounds me). Oh well, to cut the story short... I started to feel lonely these days.... and at least I started to worry that I will be too lonely in future. I remember I asked God for friends a year plus ago and yes... God listened and friends did "fell from heaven" but... hmm... I still feel lonely....

Oxford Dictionary:

lonely
• adjective (lonelier, loneliest) 1 sad because one has no friends or company. 2 solitary. 3 unfrequented and remote.
— DERIVATIVES loneliness noun.

At least, I found so difficult to get someone to accompany to see doctor this afternoon. Thereafter, due to the pain I suffered, I still have to drive home myself... etc. etc. etc. Guess I just feel lonely today...

- lonely -

I hate the feeling...

I hate the feeling I am having... I am not sure what I am feeling, but obviously, it has made me sleepless last night. My office boy was angry with me over a matter or rather, over a phrase I put on him as a joke, which it turned out to be, he took it seriously and hence, ... I was scolded by him for about 10 minutes. I keep silent for 10 minutes while he was pouring out his anger though. Oh well, it must be from the past incident I had with him that he's still angry with. It started like this... I tried to explain to him what I want at about noon time and he refused to listen much and he left. When he return at about 5pm (which I was about to leave my office), he came back to me with a form, a form which I know and have and which I do not want and which I was trying to tell him that I don't need the form. Oh well, I tried to explain to him again and asked him if he deliver my letter instead and he said no, and asked me to fill in the form instead. Let me explain this. It's because it's impossible for me to fill up the form and for that reason, I have written the letter and he, however, didn't manage even to send my letter and get the form. So, tell me... isn't that sounds like we make a big circle? So, I said to him,"it is ok. I will deal with it tomorrow myself and if I manage to do it tomorrow, you will 'die'." Yes. the word 'die' which seems to be very insensitive to me, had stir up his anger and he started to felt very offensive and start scolding me for 10 minutes. Errr... I wanted to apologise, but he seems furious, so I thought may be I shouldn't have done it there and then. So, I let him scold me for 10 minutes. He left. I felt bad.... very bad...!!!! Not to say I was only angry on the matter he didn't manage to perform, but I am also upset. Upset that I somehow, hurted him with words.... and yes, it could be a very insensitive word to me.... but to him, probably it meant otherwise. My mind was put to the sermon we had weeks ago about the words that we spoke which cannot be taken back, etc.... it's somehow.... made me felt guilty. I did prayed ... that God will help me to forget and to forgive him and yes, I do hope that he will do the same to me too. That's my prayer. I am not sure if he will come to work today. I hope he does.... since I won't be around for today. May be things will cool down? ... I don't know..... I just hate the feeling....!!!!

- I hate the feeling -