Different kind of feeling...

It's kind of peaceful............ kind of.... happier........... kind of .......... contented... since a week ago when I told myself to draw a line somewhere. Some of you of course remember what sorts of 'line' I mean... some of course won't have a clue... well... to cut the story short... when the line is drew, I thought I would not be able to adapt to it, but just when I did so, God has given me something to fill the gap in between which makes things kind of ... great!

Wait... don't get me wrong. I am still 'struggling' through all these and some of you would have seen me feeling a bit down and feeling a bit out. Well, to be honest... I have just collected myself piece by piece from the groud that I was smashed broken. "Broken to be made whole" is what came through my mind this morning. It's not easy after being broken... when I am picking up myself piece by piece... in additional to that, some still keep on 'disturb' my 'picking up process' intentionally and unintentionally today in particular. I almost wanted to give up before lunch but when my face faced the groud and a thought came into my mind. A laughter... loud enough to make my head so painful... laughter which addressed to my stupid acts and my irrational mind. Ghoosh... at about an hour, I tried to focus my mind to the Almighty... I kept on asking why... Is He trying to test me on something or it's just a joke? I couldn't think rationally and hence, I made my mind work on and on, on things that I hate the most (Accounting).

Suddenly.... I heard a loud voice. A voice which gives assurance. A voice that promised promises. It gives so much peacefulness... and I just couldn't stop laughing at my stupidity for worrying, for taking things into my hand, etc. etc. etc. People are selfish anyway... and that I couldn't change them from being selfish. I couldn't change them and their committment if they are not willing to be changed. I am not God. My ability is limited. I asked therefore that God will turn my discouragment and sadness to strength, to serve Him even greater...

I am still crying : GOD.. HAVE MERCY ON ME!!!!

Lina Joy's case

During my last day of conference at Perkasa Hotel, Kundasang, I 'accidentally' having a group of priests and speakers came to my table and sat with me. As the conversation started with a speaker telling me about his son's law practice in Australia (my very good brother and friend in fact) and when the conversation got further, some priest who just knew me not long ago asked about what sort of law I am doing and so on... and at the end, it reached the issue of Lina Joy's case.

Many called me up or trying to stir me from giving opinion on Lina Joy's case later that day and thank goodness we do have a non-stip. priest who is a senior lawyer. At least he did most of the talking ... hahahaha....

Yesterday, my rector's personal assistant asked if I want a copy of the judgment and it amuse me. hahaha... well, as a lawyer, a christian lawyer, a lawyer who claim herself as theGodlyLawyer, it is really not possible not to have a copy of the judgment... including the dissenting judgment... churches, christians, non-muslims and others has made an issue of religion in this whole matter. Only a few will see it differently with taking other issues into consideration. I am not going of course to 'publish' my opinion here in this blog as it is sensitive and after all, it is just my opinion. But I would really urge you to look at issues beyond the issue of religion.

Lina's fight in the world... has shown something about her faith and trust in the Lord. People opposed to her fight not because of her but because of God. I am sure she has not lose anything. She gained a crown in the heaven infact. The people in the world can only kill her and take her life (the most), but all she got is not just things in this world, including fame and name and identity..... but things beyond this 'world'. The Lord looks at our heart and He will judge accordingly. In the judiciary in Malaysia, we have the civil courts and we have the Syariah court... but all these courts are subjects to the Lord... be it civil courts judges or Syariah court judges.. they will be judged by the Lord one day. Muslims lawyer, Christian lawyer, Buddist Lawyer, all will be judged. Therefore... be encouraged.

- Lina Joy -

Conference...

I couldn't remember when was the last time I attended conference or camp until a friend asked me when I met him in airport about a month ago. I ponder for a while and I realise, the last time I attended a camp would be about 7 to 8 years ago, in England. My goodness... that has certainly shocked myself. Although there are numerous camp being organised in my previous church in KL, but I have not attended one single one because it all fell on my exam period. Wow... !!! I guess that has sum up that I have not only not have a holiday for a long time, but also conferences and camp. It's weird... I mean... what did I do for the past few years? To be exact... I start wondering how I lives my life for the past few years....!!!!

Anyway... It was really great to be able to attend a conference at Perkasa Hotel, Kundasang last week. Although it is a rather short conference, but it's really nice to be able to get along with friends, especially the OLD one... !!! Well, it's not only refreshing, but also tiring... wow... for the first time I went to this water fall at Poring Hot Spring. It's nice... and I promise you that I will swim and get myself wet the next time I go there. Since I know we are going to places like this, I did brough my SLR camera with me. Though it is not a digital SLR, but I just love those photos when I saw them. It's really nice!!!! Pictures won't be so nice unless it comes with a good, nice, pretty view. Anyway... speaking of that, I really WISH I have a digital SLR.

I really had a good and relaxing time... if I minus all the disappointment, discouragement, etc. etc.... that happen. Well... what can I say? ... when there is people, there's disappointment, discouragement, etc. etc. Although I never expect it to be so 'severe', but... it does... to the point, I found it hard to get myself and my mind together to focus on that one thing, GOD. Wow.. in some point, I just think.. these people who failed me are just like a Satan... and at least, it's deed.

Thank goodness I took a break on Saturday afternoon and that the whole day I was able to rest, be with the Lord. At night, thank God for a group of friends who asked me for a game call floorball. I know you probably do not know what game is that. Neither do I until I be there and played with it. It's like an ice hockey. Just that it's on floor and not on ice. It's really nice game and gathering to be with this group of people. Phew... the next day till now.. you know what I gets ... pain on my tights... hahahahahaha... but I still love that game.

Yesterday, a sudden demise of a minister during preaching has shocked me. Well, too sudden and ... by the time I was his body... he is already lying down there... God has called him home and without warning...well, only God knows the reason. I ponder for a while while playing guitar for the memorial service last night... if this is 'expected'. Some pastor I met told me they didn't expect that, which I think they should think twice when they said that. It's saddening... but we do expect one will die ... ALL OF US.... and if you think that you forgets about it and that you take control of your life, you are VERY WRONG... !!!! So, it's time for you to lives today's life as it is the last.

Well... it's tiring weekend... until I couldn't get up this morning... but you know me.. once I am in the office.. I started to work like mad!!!! Hai... everything is over now... my holiday... !!!!

- nice -