So annoying....

When the sign 'so annoying' was put 2 days ago on my MSN, many friends asked the same question. "What's so annoying?" Well, let me explain...

After church on Sunday, I went home thinking that I can rest / sleep for another few hours before I cook my dinner. But when I reached my apartment, I found out that there is electricity cut off. Because my room is facing west, my room was like an oven and I couldn't sleep without fan. So, I do some works instead since I got a hearing on last Monday. When the electricity is on, it was time to cook my dinner. I went to the kitchen and guess what? ... No water supply and it last for HOURS. Thank goodness due to past experiences, I did store up water. Later, I saw a notice saying that this situation will last for months until they manage to install another water tanks. Goodness....!!! Now every evening, when I wanted to cook my dinner, whenever I thought of no water, it's just so annoying. So, yes.... water disruption is annoying....!!!

Besides the above, I was also being annoyed by a few things at work too. Firstly, by the children my clerk brings to work. YES... she brings them to work EVERYDAY without asking for PERMISSION. She really acted like she is a boss here in this office. I didn't make any noise for 2 days to see the situation. But she did it continuously because she thought I am alright with it. I gave her 2 days to ask permission but she didn't. So, I have no choice but to ask her and told her not to bring her children in. She ignored my first warning last week. Yesterday, I did it again. This time, I ask her to choose between taking care of her children at home or coming to work. I know it is not easy to choose, but I really asked her to choose. No choice. Her child is disturbing me working and is disturbing my clients, etc.etc. So, yes... the children are making noises. You know how children are. Goodness....they are so annoying!!!!

Well, besides that, of course another annoying part is the attitudes of my clerk. She has really annoys me with her attitudes. She is lazy. VERY SUPER LAZY. I can't explain. But I never seen anyone like that before. I asked her to do something yesterday but she didn't fulfil it. Instead, she asked the office boy to do. There is a reason why I asked her to do. I want it to be done before 4pm yesterday. But she didn't do it. She asked the office boy to do it and everyone knows the office boy took his own sweet time to do it. I scolded her crazily yesterday and I asked her to remember who is her boss. I am going to give her a warning letter in a while. I cannot tolerant someone who doesn't listen to the bosses' order. She and her attitudes are just annoying.

Hmm.... talking about attitudes that annoyed me. There are a few things in ministries that annoys me either. Firstly, worship team member chatting and playing with kids during sermon/service, after they got down from the stage. Now this is annoying....!!! TRUELY UNACCEPTABLE. Secondly, worship team member who doesn't understand what is committment and why are they playing musical instrument in church every Sunday. Thirdly, guitarist who doesn't know how to improve themselves. I still cannot believe that they do not know how to play christmas songs.

Another thing that annoys me of course is myself. I can't seems to understand what I want. I know I have been critising a lot of things. But people will just think that I am critisising and not trying to improve anything. I feel like doing MORE but I just can't do it because peopel are not with me. The leaders in the church think they already at the BEST line... and they don't want to improve, to do better. And so every words I said, they treat it as I am too proud, I do not understand the situation (may be I don't know 100%, but I do know. trust me. they do not know how much I did in the past and what and how much i went through), etc. etc. Now, that's not only annoying, but hurting... At a point, of course some of you might want to reminds me that, that's the way of 'suffering' when I am inside a big fish's stomach. Kneeling down, alone, praying hard, hating myself, etc. Well, I do know that. So, do not remind me. With all these, I am really seriously thinking of doing something ELSE this year rather than just practising law. Now this 'thought' really annoys me...

- so annoying -

Satisfaction!!!

I went out and catch up with a friend last night and she just asked why I lack of enthusiasme in work late. Well, my only answer is that, I love being a lawyer but I don't like the people, ie. my partner's attitudes and character and because of what she did, I have lack of enthusiastic in my work, in getting businesses, etc. I know it won't benefit me if I bring in businesses. I think I will just continue with the 'existing' cases on hand and that's it.

At the same time, I received emails with regards to a 3 months mission trip to England. Hmm... at first I was thinking like, why ENGLAND? But while I was praying, God actually reminded me something. He did placed burden in my heart for England. I don't understand why. But later when I discovered that England does need the Lord, I realise how difficult thing can be. People like us might struggle to know Christ and that we appreciate it. But not England. They told everyone that they are Christian and they took it for granted and they not very sure who God really is. They read bible like reading Charles Dicken's books. But why 3 months now and why so sudden? I have no idea. .... Do pray for me. My only worries is finances of course. If I am staying at home, I don't really have to worry about rental, bills, etc. But .... I am not. And besides this of course is my future. What should I tell my partner if I really take up the mission trip? 3 months woh... not 3 weeks. Hmm..... But I really wanted to go.... my friend reminded me last night that I must be clear of my reason to go for this mission trip. And she also said, if this is really what God wants me to go, I don't even need to worry and I shouldn't even worry because God says... DO NOT WORRY. So, .... I don't know lah.....

It's such a satisfaction this morning when I manage to kill a malware in my friend's computer. By the time I reached home after drinking with my friend, it was late, but I know I can't sleep if I didn't finish it. So, I ended up sorting out things until 2:30am. Phew... I really feel good after that and I went to bed and slept until this morning. So nice!!!!

Well, life is unpredictable loh... what exactly I want to say? I myself is not very sure. So, ya..... better leave now... hahahahahaa................... it's funny. My partner came into my room, asked me a few things, i.e. how to deal with one complicated cases. You see, I don't think she can continue this law firm without me really. She always encounter things and she always need my advice and help. hahahahahahahaha...........anyway, same to me lah..... hahahahaha...

- satisfied -

Passion + Committment + Burden

A friend used to tell me that whenever she saw me, she can feel the passion in me. Well, we are talking about passion for the Lord basically. If you know me well, you know that I do not have much passion for anything else, but for the Lord. Due to passion that I have, I always strike my best to serve Him with what I have and slowly, it has builded my committment in His service.

After a worship practice last friday, I overheard a conversation between a member and my leader. Well, he told my leader that he can't make it for next week's practice because he has programme. So, my leader asked her what's his programme and we found out that it is farewell party. To him, as he is an 'influential' type person / very people oriented person, farewel party is VERY IMPORTANT. I understand that, but I can't seems to tolerant the attitude he shown or shall I say, my mind wander all the way to the point of what is his committment.

Last Sunday, we ran through every details before we play on the service. I was once against disturbed by him as he played without his heart. He plays as if he is playing alone and goodness, it truely disturbed the whole team and the congregation as we were obviously not playing in one unity. I question if he really has the passion to play for the Lord.

As a leader for many years, I seldom question anyone's passion for the Lord and how much committment he has for the Lord's services. But this member has truely disturbed me and he really make me think. Well... what should I say? A friend told me that not everyone will be able to 'feel' what I felt. I must have had certain burden into it in order for me to "feel" it. Just like, if you have a burden for the youth, whatever the youth is doing, you will want to know. I guess in a sense, she is right. My heart sore when I know that such a person is serving the Lord in the worship team. He doesn't know the reason why he serve. He is playing for the sake of playing, may be even for his own pride and enjoyment. He doesn't understand. When I thought of that, I can't seems stopping my mind to come out with few methods which might be able to help him and the team to 'upgrade' ourselves.

Well, I do not know what has happen to me for these few weeks. God is certainly speaking to me, but what? There's only one thing I am asking now, that's an opportunity for me to take a break by going for a mission trip. I want to experience something that I have not experienced. May be my eyes will be opened to see different things. But at the same time, when I asked for that, I also tremble because I do need financial support. So ya... I am not sure if I shall put down my firm and go. What do you say, Lord?

- passion? comittment? burden? -