After approximately 20 years of hardship in life and finally being able to settle down in this place and having all that I have now, I can tell you, I am very much satisfied with life and I do not mind to lives like this until I died. At least, that's what my plan was and I have been doing very well in keeping that status for the past few years. Stepping out of my comfort zone is not something in mind and the most I can do is probably for a few weeks and that's all. I always reckoned that God has finally let me have the life I wanted and I can now settle like this until my last day on earth.
Even if I am thinking about going to the mission field, I probably put my first choice in the top list with no other 2nd choice or 3rd choice because I thought, that's would be a very comfortable zone that I think I can cope with and God will not give me something I am not able to cope with anyway (according to the bible). So, yes... I am so unwilling to step out of my comfort zone.
The past 2 months, life has been a bit unpredictable and I started to think about the future and while praying and meditating on His words, there's two passages and wordings that came to mind constantly, i.e. sharing the gospel with the outsider and going out of my comfort zone. Seriously, it doesn't make sense to me at all. Not until one day I received an email from a foreign country asking if I am available for a phone interview sometime that week. I replied, received no answer, but the phone rang one afternoon and I got the phone interview done. No. I have yet to hear from them ever since and I always think chances like that will never come to me unless it is God's will. I am, however, happy that I get through the assessment (bloody difficult one) and got myself into that 2nd stage (phone interview). I am happy because I applied to the same place in the past 3 years many times, and I can never get through that assessment stage or even before that. So, yes. It's an achievement, regardless of whether I get the job or not. It would definitely be interesting and exciting if I am given that opportunity, but at the same time, it brings fear. I told a friend about it and she asked me, between country 1 and country 2 (i applied to both), which would I choose. I told her, both are out of my comfort zone and she said, she would think so too and she said, I might, however, need to prepare for the 'worse' though because if God wants me to go to those places, I better be ready to move. She reminded me of the passage of being an outsider reaching out to an 'outsider' too, what more totally out of my comfort zone.
If you ask me, I think I would love to have the job. But at the same time, I am terrified because I know nothing about the job and nothing about that country or not knowing how to settle down, etc. But what I am more excited about is that I probably finally be able to reach out to the people God places in my heart for a long time to reach out to, probably in the past 25 years. I was reminded that both my dad and my uncle did mention this to me before they passed away. "You go out to evangelise but never forget these places." I do hope I have that opportunity to serve Him in those places, regardless of my comfortability.
Having received no news from the recruiter for a while now does make my faith shakes a bit and thinking again, that no one will want to give me that opportunity because I am not good enough for the job they are offering and/or I am not able to contribute much because I don't know much of the laws in those countries. I don't want to lose that faith, knowing that He can move mountains and seas if that's His will and desire for me. All I need to say is probably, yes, no matter how difficult it is, I am willing to go for you, Lord.
At the same time, of course, I have to make sure that I am prepared to step out when He moved the mountain or the sea.
- The outsider who might need to move out of her comfort zone -
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