May His Will be done on earth as it is in heaven

I grew up knowing God when I was very young (I accepted Christ at the age of 8, not sure before or after I encountered God personally while I was sick and in hospital).  I regard God as big part and central of why I am here on earth.  God has been the ultimate reason I live (at least that's what I thought I am) and the reason I devoted most of the time, energy and youth time for the Lord.  Serving God automatically become big part of my life, even when I was in the UK.  Even though serving God in churches in the UK is less hectic and busy than I was in Malaysia, it somehow gave me the satisfaction that I am serving God. When I came back to Malaysia, I have all the ministries placed on me again until I reached KK, it is still the same.. to a point I asked God, "God, I love you and I love serving You, but, when can I stop doing the same thing again and again?" 

Things somehow emerged to the era where I stopped serving God in the church as I have to run between two towns especially on weekend.  It's been more than 8 years now and as it is where it is now, I am not serving in Church anymore and I feel the sudden emptiness in me after my dad passed away and I can now spend some weekend here in KK.  I always think my exit from serving God in the church was my own fault and what I did not do good enough to handle the situation, and certainly failed to be a good Christian. For years I have thought about I have not done enough for this and that and I should have done more on this and that and I should have not done this and that and it keeps playing in my head over and over again.  Friends and misison partners have been reminded me however that it's history now and I should not let it take control over my future now.  So, I did and moved on (a little) and this short journey with God since the 'reset' button was pressed on has been kind of adventurous and interesting, even though I wish for more to come and that I get to do what I want to do for Him again.  

But instead of taking a role and being the one DOING the job, God has revealed to me that, it is not what I do or not do that makes me his disciples, even in a ministries or His works.  It is how to accomplish His will, even by doing nothing or just following His plan, even thought it means, I have to take the hit and be the one who is to be hurt and suffered.  Regardless how much I envy my friends and mission partners who can serves God as a bible study leader, as a prayer partner, involved in church ministries in various aspects, I am told to be doing a totally different thing now, relax, get back to the relationship with God, be patient and enjoy the moment with God.  I should be doing the Mary and not Martha now.  Of course, I do not stop trying to serve Him in other capcity.  I am still doing the least I can do, through my daily work.

Do I really envy others for being able to serve the Lord in various capacity? If I give it a deep thought, I will tell you, no.  But I do wish to serve Him still.  

Well, for whatever reason, for whatever that's gone past, and for whatever that's coming, I am praying that may His Will be done, not mine.  Lord, even if you want me to go through certain things just so that you will be done, that's entirely fine with me. 

- May His Will be done on earth as it is in heaven -