Tough Choices

It's always difficult to balance what you want/desire and what you should do.  God always has a sense of humour in putting me in a situation where I have to make a tough decision as such. 

I won a criminal case a few weeks ago.  Prior to that, I also won a few Court of Appeal cases.  I remember telling God when He first 'arranged' me to study law, that I will be a lawyer for Him but I once I have matters reported in the Court of Appeal, I will be satisfied and end the profession.  I did not know if the criminal case I won will go up to the Court of Appeal (I believe it will, but it all depends on whether the DPP will be able to arrest the accused again).  I told God, if you want me to remain in this profession, let me have 2 more criminal cases which will make me wealthy enough to stay on instead of struggling every month to make sure I have enough to sustain the firm, my staffs and myself.  With my qualification, I am very sure that I will get paid about RM30,000.00 per month, which I am obviously not getting it today. Everyone is telling me that God is putting me here in this position for a reason.  But I do not believe that He put me here to suffer and being stressed out every single day.  Yes.  God blessed me and protected me all these years (13 years), but can He at least, give me a life where I do not need to worry or struggle through every day?

It's a tough choice.  If I get my dream job in the UK, shall I leave everything, including my mom and go for it? Will I regret not spending time with my mom for the remaining of her life? If I stay back in my current job, I probably end up having to struggle through every day like how I struggle now.  I am feeling very tired and needed rest, but we all know that He might want me to go back to the Court all the time, to share gospels to those who are in need of salvation/repentant.  Am I trying to run away from His calling by trying to get a job in the UK?  I don't think so because dreaming to have a job and work in UK, which I am comfortable with and can grow spiritually has been my dream in the past few years.  But is the timing correct? I am not young anymore.  To start all over again would be difficult.  But without changes, no one is able to grow.  I am in need of a break, a growth and a change of lifestyle. 

I am seriously asking God now, please let me know if you can act on mercy and grace and give me what I want, and let me enjoy life in the UK for the rest of my life, so I can do more missionary works for you from the UK? Can you please be nice to me for once, without sending me to do works that I struggle to hold on to, please. Please, I mean it.  I need a break, a growth and a change of lifestyle.  Please give me a job I enjoy and that I can earn and I can have free time to go mission trips for you.  I need a group of people who can really support me and not like the situation now, where I feel like I am living life on my own, without any support. 

Please God, I plead for grace and mercy be given to me. Help me Lord, sustain me and please be nice to me and bless me abundantly.

- Tough Choices -