The meaning of Pain

Everyone who knows me long enough will know that I suffer from pain on my ankle every second of my life for the past 20 years.  It's been a norm somehow that pain to me, is nothing but part of my life.  Therefore, I am having a very high tolerance over pain.  

It was a pain at the back of my right side that made me visit the clinic in November.  The pain I suffered was so bad that I couldn't tolerate and suspected that something was wrong.  Upon checking with the MRI I did on my Spine and care examination by my GP, nothing seems to be serious that I need to worry about.  However, I was septical about the whole thing still and therefore, I did a full blood test.  The result came out some time end of November 2018 and I was told to go to the clinic.  The cancer marker was on a higher level, suggesting something is not right at my ovary. My GP did an ultrasound to check if there's something in my ovary.. and after much checking, she saw something looks like a cyst, which she was of the opinion that it's just a cyst, which due to my age, could subside within months and all I need to do is to do a close observation of it.  So, she scheduled me to go back for a review in early March 2019.  

After I came back from a mission trip in Taiwan on Christmas 2018, I was sorting out with the next mission trip in March 2019, to Ireland.  As I looked at the date, I felt that maybe I should get myself checked prior to March 2019.  So, I voiced my concern to a friend, who suggested I should seek the second opinion.  She gave me a contact and I called the clinic for an appointment the next day.  I went for a check and scanned and I was told by the specialist that, it is not so obvious that it is a cyst.  Instead, she's worry about my heavy blood drop and blood lost (I did a blood test 3 times within the past 4 months and it shows a severe blood drop), which could be due to what's inside or outside my ovary.  The only way to get it checked properly is to get scoop done and to do that, I will need to be under anaesthetic, in which, she suggested that she will perform a keyholes surgery (laparoscopy) to remove whatever that's inside for biopsy.  So, I was scheduled (without being given a choice of not to do it) for surgery on the 25 Jan 2019.  

All these, lead by pain.  Without pain, I might not be able to realise something is wrong or not right or amidst.  Everyone needs pain in order for them to know their problem and to get their problem resolved.  During the whole process from surgery until recovering... I suffered some pain and some relief.  I didn't get things sorted by laparoscopy as there are more complicated issues discovered after they started laparoscopy and therefore, I also underwent open surgery to fix what's needed to be fixed and to take out, what's to be taken out.  Instead of 3 small holes, I have 3 small holes with a wide open cut.  

Today, it's almost reaching the 3rd month (still second month) after surgery.  For the past 2 months, the middle hole was without sensation.  When the gel was put or my hand touches that area, I wouldn't be able to feel any sensation on it.  These few days, I guess it is recovering... and I could feel pain on it.  Once again, I wonder, if the pain is better with or without.  Without pain, I probably would have moved uncontrollably and carelessly, I have very high chances of injuring myself or the wounds.  With the pain, I am more careful to know whether I should move more or less.  

I am somehow glad that I can suffer pain.  However, at the same time, I am bothered by the pain, during menstrual, as the pain can be so severe that I need to take Celebrex to stop it.  Dr said it must be a reaction that moves through the surgical wounds that cause all the pain.  Now, for once, I wish the pain is gone, which mean, I am fully recovering from this whole surgery. 

By faith, I hope I am fully recovered by August 2019 so I can enjoy without worry to go for my next mission trip.  

Lord, I know the existence of pain has its meaning and usefulness.  However, please help me to recover fast and well so that I can go for my next mission trip.  Amen!

- The meaning of Pain -