Part of lawyer's life...

Besides getting every part of my hair white, part of the lawyer's job is just more than just sitting in the office and sign the papers.  There are many lawyers who just sit there and sign papers of course... I won't of course describe them as a better or worse lawyer, but it's just different kind of lawyers they are calling themselves.  They don't stress out by getting ready or knowing that the case is fixed for hearing or trial.  They don't need to stress out when they were served with cause papers.  They don't even bother how to draft the bloody cause papers, what more a submissions, research, etc.  All they do is just sit there, rush the documents, sign it and make sure the papers do what it should. Yes.  That's conveyancing lawyers.  For a litigation lawyer, they do the research, draft the statement of claim, make the claim, go to the court, mention, hearing, file in application, reply, file affidavits, serve the cause papers, do the submissions, go to the trials, meeting clients, getting witness statement done, prepare for trial, prepare for cross examination's questions, etc. etc.  sit the court room for days, listening, writing, analyzing, planning, thinking... etc. etc. that's what a litigation lawyer's job.  And me, being me... is doing both of these... all alone.
I don't know how long I can take it.. but being part of lawyer's life is that I won't have time for other things... except job.  Especially me, where I have 2 lives to lives and 2 home to go back for.  Conveyancing lawyer as well as litigation lawyer.  Tawau and KK home.  It's tiring... and I started to realised why not everyone is a lawyer and why not I get married.  I just can't do it that way.
Another part of lawyer's life of course is to keep your client's secrets.  I always get to asked what will I do if I know my client's is guilty.  I have never know exactly how I should deal with it because I never encounter one.  But being a litigation lawyer, ... I am just having not one, but two of these clients in my hand.  It's privileged of course.  I don't need to disclose it even if I am put in the stand to be questioned by anyone.  But, my faith, my conscience, ME.. in general, having really hard time coping with all these. What should i do? I have a job and career and ethics to keep.  I have a duty towards my clients.  I can't do what I shouldn't - i.e. tell others what's the actual situation is.  It's so hard.  I am just hoping now that everything will be fine when the case is over.
I am emotionally once again being 'tortured'.  So, yes, part of lawyer's life is ... to be able to cope well emotionally... it's the biggest part of the job and requirement for a lawyer i would say.  I am doomed!  And I guess that's the main reason why every lawyer is trying to stay away from people ...
- Par of lawyer's life -