Good vs Like

I walked into the Sessions Court today.  I cannot when was the last time I attended a case in Sessions Court.  First, I met a senior lawyer whom interviewed me during the hardest moment of my life and witnessed how I broke down in tears, etc.  First thing he asked was, how am I doing and whether there's any improvement in my work.  A sincere concern, I can sense that.  And of course he jokingly laughed at me for doing mention in Sessions Court today, after I was 'disappear' for a long while.  Then came another one who saw me and immediately shouted my name in shock and said "hey, where have you been? I haven't seen you for ages".  Then she mentioned that she saw my correspondent letters on conveyancing matters more often than seeing me in court now a day and she is shock because she thinks I should continue to be in litigation as i am good at it.  After the conversation, I really ponder for a long time.... am I really good in litigation? I sucks in a lots of ways and I can tell you I am not a good litigant.  I failed to side my clients sometimes especially when they decided to lie to me and I discovered it. Anyway, it's the litigation matters that I find it hard to handle ... i do not think I can stand stress, the pressures, the emotions, ... man, coping with all those is just too hard.  Everyone is telling me that because I am too responsible at my work and that's why it hits me so bad.  For conveyancing matter, it's short and easy to close deal matters.  And therefore, it's much easier to handle.
It's funny that for the past few years, everyone was telling me to do something I like.  I can you, it doesn't work. Because something I like, is not something I can handle.  I forced myself to do something else, be it something i dislike, because those were the things I can handle.  But I guess people around me don't understand this.  Instead, they have been FORCING me to do something I like, something will bring happiness to me.  Unfortunately, the more the force me to, the more I feel so unsupported and therefore, I fell apart... completely.  I felt no one understands me, no one is supporting me... and I am not here nor there.  I lost my way, and I just collapsed.
No, I love being in court... but I just couldn't handle the stress.  I might have appear very cool in court with my arguments and presentation, but inside me, it's killing, torturing, ... and painful.  After not being in court for 2 years plus now, I realised, I lost almost all my 'friends', those 'brothers and sister at law'.  And how many knows the pain and struggles for not being able to do something I like and yet, have to cope with it? Well, I was just looking for some support and instead of support, of course I am treated otherwise.  Being neglected, being disowned, being rejected COMPLETELY.
So, what now? To do something I am good at or something I like? I am in neither situation.
- Good vs Like -