Failed Mission?

 A friend called and said she cannot stay back in Malaysia any longer.  She came back 3 months ago and she has to go back to the mission field.  I asked her why, she said there's nothing to do here.  I hope that's not an excuse why she wants to leave Malaysia.  I hope there's really a lot to be done in the mission field and that without her, things won't move on.  Oh wait, is that the case? God needs us to fulfil His plan and works He leads you to begin? Of course not.  God doesn't need us.  We do because we love Him and we wanted to serve Him.  Jesus did what He was asked and fulfilled it because He loves God and also people on earth, that's you and me.  He didn't do it because God needs Him.  

Another friend posted on FB recently and she finally back to her mission field and she happily shared how happy she is to be back, like fish finally being released into the sea/pond.  Oh well, again, it kept me thinking, is it because it is so good to be able to get out from the lockdown and pandemic situation to a place with less restrictions or is it because it is really because of serving God.  I had a conversation with a young full time worker and through her sharing of what she learned in the past few months, if not weeks, I realised, we talked about this issue again, about whether we are working for God or we are serving Him.  I am glad she realised this and even learned this great lesson and keep her focus right, even in her early ministry. What surprised me was that she also told me, missionaries are supposed to go there, train and raise the locals and come back.  That's right.  

A failed mission is like what the US and UK did to Afgan.  20 years of battles in the field, sending so many soldiers over and yet, once they leave, everything is just back to normal.  I looked at the timelines and the events and even pictures, my first thought was, "without a fight?"  Oh well, then it is bound to be taken over.   When we reached out to people and they said they wanted to know more about Christ, we don't just hand them a bible and leave.  We have to teach them how to read, we need to teach them how to interpret, we need to teach them how to be close to God, how to establish that relationship with God, and let them even know how to apply the words of God in their life before we leave.  20 years, if they can't even pick up a gun or know where to find one or how to fight themselves, it's useless.  The mission has failed, completely.  

It is a reminder of how strong the evil stronghold is and how easy it can just take charge of everything if we are not ready to put our feet down and fight back.  There's many time in our lives that we have to make that move instead of just relying on someone to help us with.  Spiritual journey likewise.  This has set as a reminder to me spiritually of how much we need to get ourselves ready and not take things for granted.  Are you ready to fight.  During this pandemic, I saw many people are still in complacent moods.  Some still thinking to earn the whole world and others still trying to gain power and others.  Some even think the future is bright and sunny because they just got married and some just achieved A++ in their A level exam and some just graduated with 1st class degree and some got their first book published and others got their doctoral degree, and they think the world should celebrate because of their success and they are over the moon thinking their life is full of bright future.  But all these will be gone in a minute if God doesn't extend His grace for you.  All these will go and can you hang in to God and still praise Him?  Can you still say, thank you Lord for a bright future? or are you going to now beg God for mercy and grace?  or are you going to ask God, why He is being cruel and let you suffer?  

The truth is, there's nothing that will last forever.  But we need to learn to enjoy His presence and the relationship we have with Him no matter if you see with your naked eyes how bright or gloomy your future is because it doesn't matter.  What matter is, in whatever situation, you know He is right there for you because He loves you.  

When things go really well with you, praise God for letting you have that opportunity to enjoy happiness, success and achievement.  Without Him extending that grace to you, you might not have it.  Don't ever think that all your happiness, success and achievements are the fruits of your own ability and wisdom.  It is not.  When things go less well, and you are suffering, enjoy it because that's the moment you get close to God and trying to know what He was trying to do in your life.  It is these moments that one will get to know God and His heart better, in many ways and that one day when you finally get what you want, you know it is all because God loves you and nothing else.  Suffering will eventually cause people to understand death is nothing because Jesus has redeemed our sins from us.  Suffering and pain eventually made us want God even more and without suffering, God could be just a tool.  Without suffering, people think they do not need God.  So, no matter in which stage you are at, keep in mind that, God loves you and you can come close to Him a little bit more.  Do not lose your focus.  Focus on Him.  Your God, Your sovereign God.  

Do not fail your mission. 

- Failed Mission? - 

Guaranteed future

Since March 2020, I saw people posted a lot of their current situation on social media.  Sadly, most of them are their anger towards the country’s leaders, the political leaders, the governments and some, their bosses. Anger was sparked off because many are worried about their livelihood and their future.  Future that they actually have no guarantee with actually.   Just that because of the pandemic, people finally feeling it closely.  The business bosses are angry that the government leaders implemented lockdown because that’s mean their ‘promising’ future profits has now become unpromising.  Worse still, some of them were greatly affected that they now have to take up loans and borrowings to sustain their businesses and also the livelihood of their family and the family of those who work under them.  The middle-class business owners are not here nor there because, with so much commitment in their hands as their struggle day after day before the pandemic, things got worse as they might as well end it and try to find a job, which might not come by at all.  Employees are less angry with the government and they say, “all depends on what bosses and government is saying” because they are still getting pay, even though some are pay lesser and the government also giving them some incentive now and then.  

For people who have children who are planning to enter their tertiary education, parents are worried now that because of the financial constrain, they are unable to provide the best education to their children.  Those who are not going to tertiary education, their parents are worry now that their children will not get a job that will not expose them to covid19.  It’s been 1 ½ year now and if they have been waiting, they are still waiting now for the next step to come along, safely.   For those who have graduated and graduating from their tertiary education, some are facing the choices of whether to return to Malaysia to work because the situation seems more dangerous and because many businesses are closing, their opportunity to get a job seems slim.  For parents who have put all their investment into their children and wishing that their children will not find a good job and contribute to the family financial burden, the situation now becoming a bit bleak.  

Most people in this country are toss between lockdown and earning opportunity.  Everyone now hopes they can be in a position where they can work, earn and at the same time, shield themselves from being infected with a virus and died.  But then again, the reality is that there’s no guarantee.  

Some people are trying to be smart, even though they are not.  Some non-medical trained people think they are smarter than scientists and doctors and they even believe in social media and all these reports (instead of research papers) and tried on all sorts of measures trying to combat the virus.  Some are even so good (they think they are) that they think the virus is a hoax and they can just don’t do anything about it.  These people are in denial of the difficult and broken world, that they have put so much trust in it, thinking it belongs to them and that they can do everything they want to combat it and win it because they have their rights to.  These people are so brave about their lives, their choices, for their life and their afterlife.  They exercised their rights (Human rights they call them) and they think they are winning over God in this, in controlling the world and life. 

Is there a guarantee and complete control over the world and life in this world? There’s no guarantee anyway, even prior to the pandemic, but people did not see it because people only manage to focus on their own ability, how much they can earn, how much they can do and how much they can plan for their future prior to the pandemic.  The measure was done through own self-measurement and standard.  That’s a human being and that’s why we often hear people commented that “You do not earn enough because you are lacking ability”. 

Since the beginning of this pandemic, people did not realize that the smartest persons are put to do all these important jobs trying to win over covid19.  The smartest scientists, the medical practitioners, etc. but if they are not lacking the ability and intelligence, why are we still not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel yet? Where’s the future that these smartest people can assure us?  Unfortunately, there’s none.  

Is our ability and intelligence that can determine our future? Can we rely just on our own ability and intelligence? Let’s talk about climate changes around the world, which we all realized now, in every corner of the world because it has somehow affected us very much these days, i.e. we need to on the aircon more often than we used it, people in the UK needs to get a fan or an aircon now compare to 20 years ago where we only need a heater, even during summer.  Summer in the US and Australia no longer involves beaches and swimming, but also ready baggage to run away from bush fires.  Bicycle no longer one of the major transport in Europe, but a boat in recent years.   Don’t we have all these scientists and smartest people at the top of the world who know this day will come?  So, why are we still facing the problem today?  

We talked about our worries almost every minute if not seconds, even though we know that it is part of life.  The amount of worries that one get is different from person to person. Some people know things are going to happen and they will take measure to tackle it.  Some people know things are going to happen, they will do something about it, but not wholeheartedly.  Some, just don’t bother at all.  That’s just so human, you say.  That’s right.  It is.  That’s us.  We worry about everything, not just major issues.  But we always forget the major issue and the way to tackle it.  

People forget the core saving in John 3:16 even though this is probably the only bible verse they can recite.  They only focus that God loves us and full stop.  Most people disregarded the fact stated at the end of this verse, that those who do not believe, will perish.  This verse also lied the truth of our guaranteed future and the only way to make our future certain.  It is not how successful you are.  It is not what society position you are at.  It is not how well you did to feed your family.  It is not how much achievement you achieved in life.  It is not how much you respect your parents.  It is not how much you read the Bible. It is not how many people you shared the gospel with.  It is not how much wealth you accumulated.  It is not how much possession you have in this world.  It is not how well you preach.  It is not how well you trained missionaries.  It is not how much time you spend with God.  It is not how much good deed you did to help people during this pandemic. No. It is not.  

There’s only one thing you need to do and that not only your future is guaranteed, but also that your worry will be lifted because that’s the ONLY future you should focus on, that is to believe in His only Son and, you will not perish, but have eternal life.  

John 3:16 NIV

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

For those who do not believe, the future is that they will perish.  Our God loved the world, and our God is also the integrated and just God.  He has given us a choice, which we all need to make it.  

There’s no guaranteed future in this world.  No one can guarantee anything for you.  No one can even guarantee that this pandemic will be over by end of this year.  No one.  But there’s only one guarantee that we know is sure for our future, that believes in Him, and we will not perish but have eternal life.  

To have the ultimate faith in believing Him, we do not dictate how God is to run this world and our lives.  We do not come to Him and tell Him, “come on God, I believe in you, now, do your part and give me a bright future and bless me”.  If I am not wrong, there’s so much provision in the whole Bible that says we can bribe or negotiate with God.  God has given us the privilege to pray to Him and submit our petition to Him and see how things work out, not to bring what we asked for to ourselves, but to bring out an outcome that His name is glorified.  

Too bad, the existence of this world, your existence, the existence of the covid, it is not about you or me.  Yes.  It is not.  It is about God and His glory.  I wonder how long until people realise this.  

During my CLP exam, everyone is praying because there’s only 30% of candidates will pass the exam and I wonder, if everyone is praying, does God allowed all the prayers or how is He going to decide who is going to pass and who is not? I realised afterwards that, it is not about whether you prayed or not or whether you get your prayers answered or not.  Sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t.  It is how you pray and it’s what kind of attitudes you have when you pray that is more important than the outcome.  The situation may or may not be better for you in the next couple of months time.  It doesn’t matter to God.  What matter is, what kind of attitudes you have when you pray and whether what you are praying for will glorify His name.  

The best thing about our eternal future is that the passing rate is 100% guarantee, as long as you believe.  So, don’t believe half-heartedly or a little.  It has to be 100% belief.  If you are doubting at this moment, as long as Jesus has not returned yet, you still have time to find out more about Him and believe in Him. 

My challenge to you today is to focus 100% on Him, prayed with the right attitudes and make His name be glorified. 

- Guaranteed future -  

My pandemic challenges

The pandemic started in 2020 and regardless of who you are, the rich, the poor, the boss, the employee, male, female, young, old, healthy and unhealthy, everyone is affected, in one way or another.  Some, we all can associates and relate to, such as these: 

Some are affected in their earning.  Some earned lesser, some lost their job, some has got more wealth than before.  

Some are affected in their relationship.   Some lost their family members, relatives, and friends from covid19 and some has finally found love and good friends and companion during this difficult time because everyone connected better as most are in front of the computer most of the time or has more time to communicate with others.  Some even got their old age parents to stay with them and has their relationship restored and rekindled.  However,  because of working from home, many have lost that relationship with their bosses and colleagues the same way it was.  

Some are affected in their daily routine.  With working from home, many only have their space within their home or home office.  The moment they get up from their bed, they switch on their computer and start working and many reckoned that this means working hour is much longer.  Instead of getting lunch, now they must make lunch during that 1-hour lunch break and finish their food.  Instead of packing to go home at 4:45 pm, now they struggle to switch off their computer and call off the day.  Exercise routine seems to disappear and only exist when one feels like it, and in some parts of the world, they are not even allowed to go for a run or a walk outside.  For those who always go to church on Sunday, we also tend to lose that routine completely because we are not allowed to go back to church to gather with others and to worship God.  

Besides the above that we all experience and knowledge of, we are affected not just that alone.  There are greater challenges ahead besides and behind those, which includes: - 

(a) Praise and Worshiping God.  

One of the greatest challenges to focus on and to do during this pandemic is to continue to praise Him and worship Him for His goodness because many has measured the goodness according to their own personal comforts.  Many wonder how to enjoy this world and all the things in this world where freedom is restricted, life is restricted and overturned and we have to face the decision of life and death almost every day if not every hour and minute.  We questioned what God is and has been doing these 2 years.  We asked if He ever exists and we questioned Him on why He let this even happened.  All our focus is on, why our lives have been overturned within days and we are no longer enjoying this world like we used to.  Our plans were disrupted.  Our lives were upside down and some even have to face starvation, malnutrition, death and it seems that the word happiness no longer exist anymore.  Some faces discomforts of not being able to travel, to see the beauty of God’s creation and because they have to cook and eat home cook food every day, they became depressive and even wanted to end their lives.  How do we praise and worship God in such conditions, we asked.  

That’s one of our greatest challenges during this pandemic and I feel that it is a reminder to all of us of what we focus on in life, not just this pandemic, but life.  Do we only praise and worship God during the good time?  Do we only praise and worship God when we need Him? Do we talk to Him or speak or even fight with God during a difficult time? What exactly is our focus in life?  Our own comforts? Our own desire in life?  The world? Our success? Our achievement? Our relationship? Our enjoyment of life? What is yours? 

When all these are good, life is good and everything is good and within your control, does that mean, you have gained the whole world and therefore God is good? 

When you do not have all these, including your freedom to even go for a walk and a run, or even the ability to earn a living, does that mean God is not good and therefore you cannot praise and worship Him anymore? 

When you lost everything, literally everything, including your plan, your aim, your income, your loved one, your freedom, your job, can you still praise and worship Him? What is the reason you praise and worship Him? Is it so that He can bless you abundantly or because He is God, who shall reign and ruled over your life, no matter how it turns out to be?

I leave this challenge to you because this is between you and God. As for me, I know life sucks and it’s so difficult to bear these few months if not years, especially since my space is invaded (with my mom staying with me), and I totally lost my own comforts.  My work and income are affected and my future seems gloomy and without much to plan for.  But I praise Him for granting me grace and mercy, to still have the breath to praise Him and His goodness and to acknowledge that He is my God who rules over my life and this world.  Even though if this leads to eternal rest or the coming of Jesus, I want to be ready for it.  I still praise Him for His goodness.  I do not want to put my own wishes, my want, my needs, my desire first before His Will and His plan.  So, yes, that’s my challenge.  Regardless of how terrible life is, I know He is faithful and just and He will be God and King of my life, that ruled it according to His plan and Will, for His own glory and not for me.  Yes.  It is not about me.  It is about Him and His glory.  

(b) Love your neighbour as yourself.  Loving those unlovely. 

The other challenge during this pandemic is that no matter how much I have done to try to comply with all the rules set out to contain the spread of the virus by putting up so many efforts, including not going out, close the firm operation, for the time being, not visiting friends and family, no gathering, not attending a funeral and all, there are still people who disobey and they just make the situation harder to bear.  I always got angry with these people who did not comply with the rules, including all the ministers and leaders of this country.  I was furious over some religious group of people who just make more and more clusters over time and continue doing it.  But can we just continue to hate them, or dislike them and be angry with them? 

The past few weeks, during our discussion in the cell group, we discussed about Jesus’ command to his disciples on the night before He was taken away, just before He washes the feet of His disciples, He said, “Love one another as you love yourself”.  I was thinking, it is easier said than done because it is so difficult to love these people.  Those who disobey the rules and continue to create clusters and spread the virus,  those who refused to wear masks, those who protest against restriction, isolation, masks wearing and those who launched many anti-vaccination programmes and campaigns, those who created so much fake news, being not co-operative with WHO guidelines, and the list continue.  How to love people like this I always ask myself and often time, I asked God too.  Can’t God just destroy them once and for all? Or come on, God, send Jesus already…. 

Worse still, for some countries’ leaders who took up lousy and poor measures and decisions in curbing the spread of the covid19, or those leaders who staged political agenda during this difficult time.  Are we supposed to love these people?

It is indeed difficult to love people like those I mentioned above and seriously, I find myself often asking God, can I not love them and can you just destroy them, i.e. please make sure they get covid and die. That’s my challenge this pandemic.  On how to love people I mentioned above.  It is really not an easy task.  I find myself have to keep my focus on God alone because I am sure, this is what He wants me to learn during this pandemic.  To love the unloving, to love those I hate.  Maybe not to the point as to how much I love myself, but as a start, I am trying very hard to try to not be bothered by what they did, but only on what I can do in order to curb the spread of the virus to others.  Let’s not focus on how you can do, but what I can do instead.  I am not expecting others to do something for me.  I am focusing on how I can survive on my own account and I can do that little bit to help some who needs help that I afford to, and at the same time, staying sane.  I might not be able to not love them as myself, but I just do not want to dislike or hate them because I know God does love them, and He still loves them.  So, for now, although I am not happy with what they are doing, it is not within my control.  But what I can control, is that I do not hate them.  

By the grace and mercy of God, I hope one day, I will know how to love them and I hope God will help me to reach that point one day.  

(c) Stay healthy and faithful spiritually. 

Being able to focus on staying healthy is kind of a challenge for me because with what’s going on at the moment, life doesn’t seem to be going anywhere except waking up, sitting down in front of a computer and browsing the web, watching tv, cook, eat and sleep, there’s nothing much happening.   Yes.  That’s my kind of life since May 2021 and life hasn’t been very interesting so far.  There’s absolutely nothing to look forward to.  

I have worked hard to catch up with bible reading and trust me, it has not been easy because many times, I just find that God is saying, “sorry, what’s happening, it is not about you, but Me” and I almost gave up in knowing if He ever bothers to give me what I asked for and what do I ask for?  I don’t even know what I want to be honest.  Life has been put upside down and nothing seems working and you probably gathered now that I am not on depressed, but also discouraged and in despair.  Often time, I asked if He hates me that much that He resents me over and over again.  This happened especially when I realized that some friends still get what they are doing during this pandemic and they have earned even more, etc.  If things are moving on for some, why did God let mine stopped? Did He forget about me? Did He love others more than me? While the world resent me, did He resent me too?

It’s been a roller coaster ride in this spiritual journey in the past 2 years.  It’s from I want to pick myself up to, now, God has resent me, and the reasons could be because like how the world sees me as, a failure, a sinner, someone who is not outstanding and it’s just me, the rejected soul.  

Again and again, He was telling me that He is the King and there’s nothing I need more because God has redeemed me from my sins and all I need to do is to focus on Him, His plan and will.  But what’s His plan and will? That I should continue to be in agony and despair? Continue to be doing nothing for Him, but just sit, sleep, watch tv, do nothing, until the day I die?

To be honest, I don’t know.  I find it really difficult to know His will and plan at the moment and that’s my biggest challenge for the time being.  Besides keeping my focus and staying faithful to Him, and keeping my sanity in place, I literally cannot do anything to change the course of the path that I am on at the moment.  That reminds me of Daniel, who waited for many years, probably just for that one time to serve Him.  How did he do it? To be the minority in the country, not being used by God for years and yet He stayed faithful and focus, prayed every day, stay close to God and follow God’s leading and being used for once.  Lord, is this what you want me to learn during this pandemic? To be like Daniel, to stay spiritually healthy, keep my focus and stay faithful until the day You call me to Your service, maybe just once?  It is really hard and challenging for me to be honest.  There’s so much I can do for Him. Why can’t He just deliver the tasks to me and let me do it now? Why can’t He uses me more or blessed me more?  Why can’t He show me more love? Why can’t He give me what I asked for?

Lord, I know, in your time because You know the best time to deliver it to me.  But again, I asked, can’t you perform a miracle and make things happened, like NOW? Yes, that’s my struggle and challenge this pandemic and I am praying so hard that God, you will have mercy on me.  Please show me a little bit more that You love me.  

There are lots of challenges to this pandemic, but to me, the greatest challenges are the 3 that I mentioned because it’s about putting down myself and completely letting God be God.  I am not sure what kind of challenge you encounter during this time.  I hope spending time to meditate and listen to Him is one that you will priorities for now.

- my pandemic challenges -