Unsure

Sometimes, things happen .... and we tried very hard to understand the 'true' story of the incident.  Most people, unlike trained advocate, will tend to look at things at one direction, that includes the feeling of one party.  As trained advocate, I tend to look at things at different perspective and I always find that, there's no right or wrong party when things happen, it is all about the party's own feeling and perceptions on things.

On my recent visit to Kathmandu, Nepal.  I overheard my missionary friend conversation with her host, Simon who is a Nepali.  She asked Simon if he, as a Nepali, would prefer to have a more developed country or he prefer the country to be like the current situation.  Over past few days, we did have a conversation and discussion on politics, economic and Nepali in general.  When we were talking with Simon, he gave us this impression that everything is good and fine.  For us, our impression is, we need (a)  better road access (b) better traffic laws (c) better wi-fi services (d) better of everything.  But we never complain about having a nice people , nice attitudes, nice food, etc.  Because, those are the culture and assets.  Expectedly, Simon told us, he prefer the situation now because that's their culture and their lives and it reflected them, the Nepali and country of Nepal.  We, the outsider, might be thinking, we wanted to help them to get a 'better' life.  But to them, they prefer not to.  Is having all these road access, traffic, drainage, wi-fi is more important? Are they in need of being 'developed'?

Your opinion might be answering YES, but to them, that's a NO NO. Can we say they are WRONG? or we are WRONG?  There's no such thing as wrong in perspective.  People can be treating us really good.  But, that doesn't mean, that's what i need and wanted.  I can treat someone very nicely and good, but that doesn't mean that's what they want.  In fact, if I feel a bit discomfort over the nice treatment, it doesn't mean, the person who is doing it is wrong.  I guess at the end of the day, it is all about respect.  Respecting how other feels.  This friend of mine always know this.  Be it dealing with Napali or dealing with me.  She can be sure what is comfortable and what is not.  She always tells me, "let me know if you are not comfortable on certain things because I can be pushy and I always wants things to be done IMMEDIATELY". haha...... that's what I call, a friend who knows me well.

I have learned a good lesson.  Some people, just can't understand and bother how you feel about things.  If you tell them honestly, not all will be like my dear friend here who can accept it and slow down the pace for me. Most of them, they just points their fingers and scold you for non-appreciation and they will just make sure you feel that you are very WRONG in feeling that way.  Well, for now, i can't be bother much about people like this in my life.  Not respecting others means, I shall not respect them too. hahaha....  Sorry, I need to be selfish.  That's what I learned too.

- Unsure -

Getting old....

It's a process of getting old.  Those who has been with me often would notice how bad thing gets.  I am thankful however, for them to be present all the time trying to ease my 'discomfort' and trying to make sure things didn't turn out to be so bad. hahaha.... well, prevention is better than cure. hahaha....

Constant nagging that I get my leg sorted, my brain checked, my eyesight sorted are almost like a routine these days.  Not that I ignore them.  Just that, I am trying to arrange for a BETTER time to sort them out.  But the things about life being 'older', these doesn't seems to be the utmost concern these days.  Spending the last bit of my time seems to be more important than wasting them in hospital beds.

Over a conversation with my mom about having insurance policies to add on 36 critical illness, i told her my insurance agents seems to think i should increase the insured sum.  I however, think it would be useless because if I am so sick to a point i need about 100K to treat, I would rather die.  She agreed. hahahaha.... Well, this year is adventurous.  With first time hitting academic misconduct issue due to my oversight, first time visiting friends in Taiwan, first time visiting some friends in countries I have never been.  Coping financial difficulties (blaming over spending too much previously), etc. etc.  Life has been quite challenging but yet, I guess, .... it's just small part of life.  Every time i heard people mention over "life to the fullnest", i know, it includes a lot of things which we do not wish it is included.  But the point is, how can life be in FULL if it doesn't being included with some 'negativity'?

I am getting old alright.  It's time to save up for retirement.  It's time to think about Plan B if Plan A didn't work on accordingly.

I am getting old.  ... things that I deemed as 'wasting of time', i won't attend to it at all.  ... things that I deemed as 'not beneficial', i won't attend to it too.

i am thankful for those who are willing to take extra efforts to make sure I am alright... your 'pat on the shoulder' works. haha...

- getting old ... -

Difficulties vs Faith

"Everything has its season." A friend reminded me.  True even though it's ugly at this time of trial.  I do not expect anyone to understand my situation better, even though some of them can relate with similar incidences.  Job is always a good reminder for me in time of trial.  My dad used to tell me, everything has its season.  When it is good, it will be over one day.  When it is bad, it will be over one day too.  So, when I was reminded that it will be over soon, I can only pray to God, that it will be over soon by His mercy and grace and that destructions caused will be minimised.  Can't ask God to take away bad times from me because I believe, we all need bad times to learn a lesson or to get closer to God.  All I am asking now is that, it will be over soon and I will not suffer further. 

This does not apply of course to me, but to anyone.  When people arounds me also suffer, I wonder... and praying the same that they will get over their bad times soonest possible too.  Over the one month, many told me what they faces.  Some just started their career and it's difficult.  Some met with difficult time in their marriages to a point it is considered in law as unable to lives together anymore.  Some had departed from their previous partners due to severe misunderstanding causing losses to the firm.  Some is having financial difficulties.  Some are depressed over things that's not going their ways, some met a physical illness and  yet of course, some are doing very good in any aspect of their lives.  

At the age of 41, I tend to look at issues, things and problem differently.  I don't expect people who can understand my situation completely.  But I cannot tolerate when people (a) take me for granted (b) tend to control my life (c) making ridiculous assumptions about me (d) causing unnecessary stress to me (e) causing discomfort to me (f) making my life miserable and (g) putting me in a very embarrass and difficult situations to deal with.  I feel agitated by all these.  Whoever causing this to me, the next you know would be I walked away and never return, regardless who you are.  Over the past few months, be it some so called friend or some clients, i did the same.  In a way, I am just throwing 'rubbish' out of my life.  

This year, everything doesn't seems right.  But I am focusing on God better this year.  Praying to Him everyday.  Asking Him to sustain me, giving me strength to move on and God knows... how long more I can sustain and accomplish what I need to accomplish. 

God, have mercy and grace upon me, I ask!

- Difficulties vs Faith -