Lost it all!

What have I lost during the most difficult time in my life? Connection, Respect, worthiness... those are the main one I have lost.  And due to the disconnection... with church and friends and my dad.... it's like the whole world has fallen down.  Those were the pillar of my life... of course the main pillar behind is God, but when all these fell apart... I have lost it all... ! I can't walk around the town not to fear to meet people that has disconnected with me anymore.  I can't even stand in the church to feel humiliated and embarrassed at all time.  No more respect from others, doesn't feel worthy anymore... everyone seems me as a monster that walks around.  I can't face the challenge operating a law firm all by myself where the mouth of people keep talking, and no business coming in because everyone is saying they do not want a lawyer who is sick to represent them.  How to lives? I don't know.... The greatest mistake was, i told someone I trusted and my privacy was not honoured at all.  More so, they walked away from me after that... I seriously wonder if they really care or they just want me to die instantly... anyway, there you go... I have lost it all... they won!

- Lost it all! -

Educated

I have been hearing from many that they have no idea what depression is... and the information in the web is definately not enough for anyone to understand nor help anyone know really grab hold of what depression is. Many thocught depression is a sickness and with medication, the person will be who they were. This is so wrong... it's also stupid to tell the depress God is all they needs to focus on.  It's like you are asking someone who is insane not to hurt themselves. Why communicating with the depress most of the time you will feel so annoyed, so frustrated and so angry?  We forgot, depression or rather the chemical in the brain has affected the way depress think ... things that you said could means good, i.e.,the future is bright... or 'this will end', ' everything is going to be fine'.  But instead of getting what you really mean, it can bears no sense to the depress, regardless how many times tell them. Because future to them is only pains... When you said you care and love them but you didn't show them any evidence of what you said, it only means you are not taking it seriously, you do not respect them, you fool them, you lie, you 'play' with their trust and sincerity.
There are more of how you start a conversation, how can you help instead of not knowing what to respond and what to say that we all need to learn and to be educated by.
i have written some in my other blog and i dedicated to those who really want to learn and want to help those you really care.  Just this month, i have 2 friends who were diagnosed with depression, one killed herself by hanging. One wanted to kill her only son before she kills herself.  i happen to 'save' the both for now.... but i am sure, she still has that in mind...
One of the biggest challenge is, do not eve think of giving up bytelling the depressed you gave up on her. By saying that and responding to her will only means her only hope and future are gone and the next think you can expect is they will commit suicide without warning.
Think for a moment, if this is tough for you, what more for the depressed. They too wish they can snap it out.... immediately... but that's not possible.  That is why they need help, they need guidelines.... be patience to them because you once told them to do it step by step.  So don't rush them, don't expect they can grab what you told them instantly. Give them time to digest.  If they start scolding, it only means, they are 'thinking' of what you were saying and they are not angry about you, but themselves. So, don't take it personnaly... and walk off.... if you do, they will once again feeling thepains, the hurts and even give up because they thought you are punishing them, not loving them, ...that will only means, better be dead than enduring the unbearable pain.
-Educated-

Being positive?

Just wonder if this happen to everyone... since I am trying to find out about my own 'mood', the correct mood and non correct mood i mean... well, it seems like things get really bad and everything small becomes and issue to a point where there can be no return.  When things or mood are lifted up, somehow... life is such a beauty and you just don't want to give up life... and you have lots of ideas and you want to spend money just to get something you like.  Mood is something we can and cannot control, depending if the chemical in your brain is being 'playful'.  Well, I am not sure if any of you can understand what I am trying to tell you... things can be so positive when your mood is lifted up... and things can be so negative when your mood is so so low.  Oh well, I know most of you who are reading this will not understand fully what I am telling you because apart from me, I guess not many has ever experience the 'very low' mood phrase... or a 'very high' mood phrase.  Happy thoughts... a friend suggested I think on that... I couldn't find any for days and months... seriously... why? Because everything that's good or bad, has been affected so much by my mood then... 'very low mood' that was... Trust me, I tried. Nothing works. 

Stress apparently is one of the big issue that can affects mood... and most of us feels the stress and discomforts, but none, i believe, experience what I understand as "very low mood".  The hardest part is not how to cope when your mood is really very down... but instead, when your mood goes very high and uncontrollably high... you might not be able to sleep at all when your mood is very high (unlike very low mood, you can just sleep and sleep and do not want to get up), you seems to have lots of energy to do a lots of things, plan a lots of things, having non-stop thinking and ideas, etc.  Full of energy and even the sky fall down, you will think, ... it's ok. everything is beautiful.  After you finished all your money in the bank account and you can still say "It's alright, God will provide" or "Bankrupt is nothing"... etc. etc. It's a total different feelings.  The worse is, when your mood is so upbeat, you wouldn't want to let it stop because you will feel very good about it.  And the feelings of wanting to be recognised soon become "it is alright. Even if I am alone, I can lives a better and happier life".  "So what if those whom I care and love doesn't love me? I know how to love myself is good enough".  No one wants a low mood era. But no one want to stop having high mood.  

Which one is more dangerous? Both are suicidal.  One is immediate, another one gradually. And the majority of us are that we are in the middle of both moods... and you know exactly what and how you are 'feeling'.  

Well, I guess not many of you understand what I am trying to say... I am just tell you, ... if you are those in the middle, you are a blessed one.  

-Being positive? -