How and what should I feel?

It's my mom's birthday today! So, I came back to Tawau to celebrate mom's birthday as well as... meeting my dad's doctor to see what option we have. Before meeting Dr.P, I met a group of people who came and visit dad. I called dad when I reached his bedside and, he heard... he open his eyes and look at me... and I talked to him, telling him what did I do for the past 2 weeks, etc. and why am i back here for. He opened his eyes, looked at me, knocked his head when i asked him, etc. My aunts and uncle came and saw us... and then my dad's friends.... too, then the church friends too... all told me, this is the only time they saw him responding. All agreed that, it's me that makes him opened his eyes and responded well. I met Dr. P at around 4pm and even Dr. P said he responded quite well today, and it must be me. ... Mom told people that, I have always been his baby girl and it's also because he worries about me that he had stroke... well, seriously,.... i think I must have too... because ever since he came to know I was sick in December 2010, he called me or sms me almost every single day, in the evening in particular.

Well, what should I feel? Happy because today is my mom's birthday and that dad responded well? Shall I be sad because dad had a stroke because of me? Shall I be worry about the coming operation? or... may be I should have some other feelings? Hmm....

- How or what should I feel? -

Lost in Court?

Oh well... I have a very simple matter this morning at the High Court. I was quite a shock to find out that it's before a High Court Judge last week, but I thought, I still do not know well how the new court system runs... and so, I did not bother much.... Not until I went to the Court room, greeted by the Interpreter who looked at me and asked me "Ms Lin, you have a matter here this morning?" I told her I have no idea but my filing paper said I do. So, she checked and told me it's listed in her list, but the file is not with her though. So, I ended up doing the Court staffs' job.... to locate the whereabout of the file. I waited at the registry for about 20 minutes and then then told me I can go back to the Court room. I went up, Interpreter looked at me with her suprise look and I told her the court clerk said he will deliver the file up to her. Well, ... my case was called, first.... as it's an application hearing - suppose to be A track, and the rest of the counsels in that court were in T track. Weird, but everyone is happily looking at me and asked me, "what application is that? It only took you 1 minute". hahaha.. well, ... yup, it took me 1 minute, but in order to get myself 'back' to 'track', I sat in the court room to listen to some of the cases. I just love being in this Judge's court. He is just too brilliant and smart.

As I was sitting there wondering about taking baby steps to achieve a full recovery of my sickness.... I realised, no one can really wait for me to take more baby steps. Everyone expected me to be all well by now... and that's something so hard to do. Hence, ... working for others though is a good option, but might not be ideal. I am seriously not sure...

- Lost in Court? -

Last word!

Hmm... i remember there's one early morning, ML sent me to airport (she usually doesn't do that to anyone regardless how close you are to her). That should be the days I was moving back from KL to Sabah... and half way through the journey, she asked me a question: "If we will not see each other again, be it your flight crashed or I had an accident on my way back,... is there anything you will regret for not telling me now?" I looked at her and told her "Yes. I do." Then I said "I thank God for you, ML". I asked her the same question ... and I remember she said, she has told me everything I wanted to know and even if she won't see me again, she will not regret for not telling me something. Well, those of you who know ML, you know what she really meant. haha...

Well, I am asking you this same question today... if I die today.... is there anything you regret for not doing and/or saying to me? Well, I urge you to tell me as soon as possible as I do not, I seriously don't (don't tell my mom) know if I can lives through today, more so, tomorrow...

All I want to say that I know I will regret forever for not saying this is, "CL, DY, VL, I am sorry. Please forgive me... !"

- Last word! -