Pre-Christmas!!!

I guess in a way, my body is trying to avoid things that I am facing at the moment. When I said Body, I mean it. I have at least manage to control my mind to face the challenges ahead, but my body has failed me. It started with a slide flu and later, cough in the middle of the night and these few days, it just rejected everything that goes in, including water. I cannot remember when was the last time my body rejected water. The moment water goes down and reached my stomach, it pushed it all out. Hmm... well, yes, due to that and a 3 days trials for the past 3 days, you can imagine how weak my body is now. However, it does seems BETTER today althought I woke up a few times during the middle of the night.

This weeks is pack. Pack with works, ministries and so on. I couldn't help it but to assign works to someone who is facing exam this week. I couldn't help it but ot assign works to someone whom I know has a busy schedules. Even though I felt the pain of doing that, but I can't help it. I just cannot do it. Usually I can force myself to do all, but just not this round. I am seriously 'weak'.

Friends who came over and expect me to have a meal with them ended up going shopping alone. "I am sorry" is what all I can do for now.

Oh well, thanks for those who are always around to give me support and encouragement! It has been for a long time now that I did not receive 'suprises'. You just did well on that.

By the way, I have just decided to go back to Tawau on 22.12.2007. It is a one way ticket though... hmm.... well, it's all because I have the whole Christmas week off from work. So...

- pre-christmas -

Facing v. Avoiding

I almost manage to get away from the past, but it came back to my mind lately of how painful things was in the past to me. I thought I was not of myself these few days because I am sick, but I guess it's more than that. I thought I started to get used to this new firm, but nope. I am not. I thought I have ended the issue of my "next step" for the time being but nope, I don't think so. Things just hitting me back ... again and agian these few days until I really wonder what I am doing now.

There are issues that struck me hard and strong years ago which just haunt me back these few days... there are issues which I thought I have forgotten, has just 'eating' my brain cell off. It's not easy somehow to understand why things still 'troubles' me today....

OF all things, I am sure only God knows every details of my life. It's so amazing... some people knows me during my primary school time, some only in secondary, some only when I was in my Uni time, some only when I was hurted, some only when I was happy, some only in church, some only at home, but God knows every details...

I guess, therefore, only God understands me....

- ... -

Finally...

Signed shown to me earlier on and I knew it's going to come my way weeks ago... I tried my best to prevent it but unfortunately, I am really too exhausted and with the lack of sleeps, etc... and things just turned to the way it is... I am finally down with flu!!! It all started from my ears... ghoosh... I have hearing problem these few days and especially TODAY. Serious throat infection I am sure... though no sign of sore throat as yet. Well, stop nagging me... I did tried to rest this morning but someone woke me up earlier. I did drink lots of water... till everyone is asking why I visit the toilet so frequently today.

Appetite came back today as I feeling hungry almost every single hour. Goodness me... finally... it reminded me that I should take a break SOON.

Speaking of which, I haven't tell my parents whether I am going home for Christmas or not. They didn't even call and that's not a good sign.... Oh well... I do know some people do expect me to be home for Christmas this year... but if I don't, I am sure they understand too... I have schedules to have 2 weeks off from my college during the Christmas season... and since that's done, ... may be I should really take 2 weeks off from work entirely. Hmm.... if you ask me what I want NOW... i really dunno.

- finally ... -