Relax?

My dearest dad and mom called me respectively just to let me know that I shouldn't put too much pressure on myself in finding a good job. I appreciated their encouragement. Friends had been calling to let me know which firm are looking for lawyer and asked me to apply for it. I myself is also applying for a few firms that's in mind.

A friend made a joke by saying, small firms won't appreciate me and since I have a 'bad' life, I shouldn't even think about getting into small firm and lives. I should try Big firm in order to survive. haha... i hope she is right. I don't mind any firms now as long as it is ethical, good explosure, good pay. Firms that require me to work till late night also i don't mind at this juncture.

Anyway.... I am a bit depress..... Lossing my confidence and ... having different kind of thoughts... really praying hard for MIRACLE to happen.

- depress -

Choices!!!

A friend sent me an email with this powerpoint which was about the way of handling stressful life. While I was watching the powerpoint, the word "choices" appeared a couple of times and suddenly, it reminded me on something my brother used to told me about choices. He said we are always being put into choices and we always have the freedom to choose. Many of us including myself cannot agree with the statement when we first heard it. I only realise the real meaning of it as time goes by.

Last week, I was put in a situation, whether to choose to keep the job, get a good pay and do all the illegal works or to leave the job, keep the dignity, be ethical but lost the source of income. It's not an easy choice to choose between, but I made it and at the same time, I am "suffering" from the decision I made.

This week, I am also given choices to choose which firm to work at, what sorts of life I want and which letter of offer I should sign. I was offered a job few days ago and I was so happy about it and I wanted to sign the offer letter yesterday. I went all over to the office with my cousin thinking it only takes about 10 to 15 minutes to get things settled and start work on Monday. But to my horror and suprise, the terms and condition stated in the offer letter were too 'unusual' and 'scary'. 1. I am to be contractually bound with the firm for 1 year after confirmation. I am not so much wory about this term as I have 3 months probation and during my probation period, I would be able to find out whether I like it or not and what I need is to give them 2 weeks notice to resign. I am more worry about the second issue: 2. Professional Negligence. According to the terms, They subscribed the Professional Indemnity Insurance for RM1.0 million. If they're found liable due to my fault, they are not going to bear with it, but I have to bear with it. Hmm... to be honest, in normal practice and partnership set up, as partners, they have to be liable because I am just their employees and they have to take responsibility in monitoring me. As I am new and freshly called, this is kind of scary and I am not ready to bear such a responsibility. You can say I am not brave enough, but honestly, I am not in that position to be able to bear all these yet, although I am sure it is not easy to get wrong in things I do.

So, again, yesterday, I was put in the position to choose whether to accept the job and start earning or to continue become jobless. While I was holding the offer letter, my heart was not feeling comfortable and I called a few friends to confirm if the term is normal. According to them, it is not. So, again, I made my decision, being jobless instead. I am not sure how much more I can bear to make these kind of decision.

After yesterday, I started to lose my confidence in the small or rather medium firms. I am going to the Big firm now. I think I can trust the big firms more. Althought I am sure there do have some unethical lawyers in the firms, but I guess they won't be so 'chin chai' or relax in doing their works.

Now, is that a good choice?

TRUST?

After the incident with that senior partner in my previous firm, I was really pondering if I did the right thing. The partner actually said I should not take it so strictly. I am just wondering, what make them think they did the right things. Is is because they did that before and never get caught and that's why they make it RIGHT that everyone can do the same?

The senior partner raised a few issues during the 'talk'. One of it, she said I didn't trust her. I answered her that I did but not now. If you know me well, you should be able to know that I am a very 'stupid' person because I trust everyone on everything, anything at anytime and everytime. When she said I didn't trust her, I started to think what made me lost my faith in her. Firstly, I think because she is not GOD. Secondly, I think she think whatever she does is suppose to be CORRECT because she is from this 'S' firm. She is challenging the law, the Bar Council and the Disciplinary Board. When she asked why can't I trust her, I almost said because she was wrong and she is not any greater than the Bar Council and Disciplinary Board.

How can she persuade me to follow her instruction if she did a simple thing wrongly and still claim that she did it right? This is a very small matter, which a very junior lawyer knew and yet she still "MAKE IT" her way is the correct way. I cannot imagine whatelse I would need to do (illegal) in future. I lost confidence on her and the firm entirely in a split second.

When the issue of trust came into my mind, I am asking myself what kind of person can I trust. If you asked me NOW, I think I really do have reservation in trusting anyone now. An experience Lawyer also can't be trusted. Who can I trust? ...

I do not have any problem in my previous firm in KL. All the lawyers, senior lawyers, partners can be trusted fully. And I was glad that I was trained by them. I cannot imagine how life can be if I was chambering in that firm. Now, my 1st question all these years were answered. The question I was having in mind was : "How come there are so many lousy and unethical lawyers in Malaysia?" Well, it's because they were trained in a lousy and unethical firms or rather, under a lousy and unethical master or lawyers.

It is sad and ... tell me, how can the legal system or the judicial system in Malaysia can get better? ... This week, I am again asking myself : Pei San, are you sure you want to be a lawyer in KL and make some changes in this legal professions? ... I have yet to have an answer...

... thought ...